Awkward

Jokes

I just walked in on my parents having sex

It was the most awkward 45 minutes of my life

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My friend is from Isle of Man. He's kind of awkward.

Because he's a manky Manx, get it?

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My Polish grandmother used to perform for a ballet company...

It was always awkward listening to her Pole Dancing stories.

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I recently jumped sides on breast feeding in public by doing it myself and it felt liberating

It got kind of awkward since it wasn't my child and I'm a guy in mid thirties and then the cops showed up too.

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Awkward situation...

Recently a friend has made acquaintance with a gorgeous girl. She is very clever, sociable, beautiful. He understood he loved her greater than life. He were invited by her parents (they are jews) home to make acquaintance with them. They are the nicest people. And her father asked him if he knows what main jewish holiday is in this year. Being agitated he said: " The Holocaust". Result:


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Wife refuses to have sex at her parent's house

which is annoying because not only do I have to spend money on a hotel but it's awkward hanging out with her parents until she gets back

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Did you hear about the bear with 2 left feet?

No?? Oh... * awkward *paws* *

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I scream, you scream...

The police come, it gets awkward.

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There was a pretty awkward silence at the dinner table, so I decided to talk about the crashing of the titanic.

That seemed like a good way to break the ice.

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Happy No Taxation Without Representation Day!!!

.....oh this is awkward.

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I think my yoga instructor was drunk today

He put me in a very awkward position

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Two men are new to a philosophical nudist colony . . .

In order to break the awkward silence, one man says to the other:

"Have you read Marx?"

The other replies, "Indeed! I think it's the wicker furniture."

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My yoga instructor was really drunk yesterday...

...which put me in an awkward position.

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I like Jesus,

but he loves me,


so things are a bit awkward...

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I got fired from a tech company because Ive failed to compile with its inclusion training.

All I said was that it was bad to be awkward and socially inept around women.

Now the programmer department wants my head.

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My six-year old niece has been asking the most awkward questions lately

Just yesterday she was asking me about sex. She said "Is that the best you can do?"

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My wife and I found each other on eHarmony

It was an awkward dinner conversation

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I was put in an awkward position today

my yoga instructor was drunk

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I was put in an awkward position today

my yoga instructor was drunk

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I was put in an awkward position today

Apparently my yoga instructor was really drunk

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It's going to be awkward as heck...

when all the people who were in hell for masturbating are transferred to heaven.

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I heard about these condoms that change to different colours depending on which STD you have.

Imagine how awkward that would be though, if your just about to have sex and it starts throwing shade (literally). Would you apologise, or make them taste the rainbow

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Went to my yoga class today and my instructor turned up blind drunk.

Put me in a really awkward position.

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I went to my yoga class today and my instructor was blind drunk. Put me in a really awkward position.

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If someone has the Last Name "Smith" then that means that one of their ancestors was likely a Blacksmith.

Which kinda puts David Dickinson in an awkward position.

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I would make a joke about my penis...

But that would be extremely inappropriate and awkward and I dont know why you would expect me to do such a thing

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My friend did a phd in palindromes he is now known as Dr Awkward

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Damnit Oscar!

So a man is going to meet his girlfriends parents for the first time and is incredibly nervous. He arrives just before dinner and is sitting in the living room with the father and their dog Oscar while the girlfriend and mother are preparing the meal.

Being nervous, the mans stomach is turning and he accidentally lets out a small fart, to which the dad says "Oscar!" And the


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My cousins once got married.

It was awkward - someone asked if I was family of the bride or groom.

I said, "Yes."

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Unlike some men

I like to cuddle after sex. It can get a bit awkward though when the dead hooker doesn’t cuddle back

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Wayne LaPierre and Oliver North are having a very awkward and public falling out

So who gets custody of Dana Loesch?

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Two men are having a conversation in a cafe

One says to the other, "Hey, what's the most awkward boner you've ever had?"

The other replies, "At work, for half an hour."

And the first one asks, "Where do you work?"

He replies, "At the pediatric center."

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I waved to a man because I thought he waved at me.

Apparently he waved to another woman. So to get out of the awkward situation I kept my hand up and a taxi pulled over and drove me to the airport.

I'm now in Poland starting a new life.

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Chinese Wedding Night

So a young Chinese couple is in their hotel room on the night of their wedding. Both of them have saved their virginity for this special night.
The young man helps the bride get undressed and she hops under the the bed covers, looking nervous.

The young man gets undressed himself and hops into bed, also feeling quite nervous.

After a few awkward moments, the


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What's an awkward moment for a homosexual when they're trying to use Google Maps?

When it tells them to go straight.

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Mom was a porn star

Mom was a porn star.

Take you kids to work day was always a bit awkward.

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This guy is so awkward that he...

Makes Michael Cera look like a cool person.

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The sun and a polar bear were having a conversation. It got really awkward and nobody said a word.

The sun decided to break the ice.

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The doctor told me to stop eating fast food.

I saw him at Burger King when I went for lunch.

It was awkward.

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Its so awkward!

My sister and my new girlfriend have the same name. That‘s so awkward... now every time we have sex I gotta think about my new girlfriend.

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My wedding night with my wife was awkward...

When we undressed I told her she was beautiful and looked like a goddess in the moonlight. She told me it looked like my hard on was trying to ask my butt a question.

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That awkward moment when your mother-in-law comes over to watch the game on tv and the remote wont work because you you took the batteries out the night before to put in your wifes vibrator named Sean Connery...

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How did the socially awkward cowboy introduce himself?

How... day?

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I walked in on my parents having sex...

That was the most awkward 45 minutes of my life.

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80s Party

You know what would be awkward, Cavanagh going to an 80’s party

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God, Mary and the sanctity of marriage

Father explains why marriage is sacred. He gives his son all of the relevant information for procreation, marriage, God, Mary etc. Thinking that he has given his son the best information, his son responds:

So, if marriage is sacred/religious, why is God single? (There’s no Mrs God!) BUT he got Mary pregnant and left her. So, doesn’t that mean God is a baby-daddy, and some


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Guy: Hey I noticed the best thing about jokes is

you don't have to patent them, people will know it's heard before and they will have jokes on the person telling it. It will be most fun and awkward moment to see.


Girl : Yeah lol I would want to be in such a show as audience.


Guy: but you said you have been to Amy Schumer show before!


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Jesus loves me

But I only like him, so it makes for an awkward relationship.

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Did you hear about the socially awkward drug addict?

He got clean the next day.

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What's the most awkward place to run into a homeless person?

On your way to the Coinstar... "ehh, no i don't have any spare change, I was just on my way to turn this into real money"

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