If the offspring means those who spring off (someone)...
A man comes home from work early, his wife asks,
- You came early honey, what happened ?
- I quit my job, I just couldn't stay there after what that man said to me.
- Really ? That's awful. What did he say to you though ?
- "You're fired."
Why is North Korea such an awful place?
Because it has no Seoul.
Smurfs must have really awful sex lives.
I'm fed up with the huge, horrible restaurant that combines breakfast with Middle Eastern cuisine, and hires illegal immigrants as its staff.
In other words, I've had a craw full of the awful unlawful Colossal Falafel Waffle House.
We're all in shock about this Epstein thing, but it's important not to forget the awful tragedy that happened last week.
That's right. Last week, someone reposted a joke on this sub.
A moth goes into a pediatrists office
A horse keeps visiting a bar, and the bartender says, Youre in here an awful lot. Are you an alcoholic?
The horse replied “No, I’m a fucking horse.”
What is that awful smell?
Oh, it's just the ol' factory.
We kicked the drummer out if the band because his timing was awful.
He was so upset he went to the station and threw himself behind a train.
My dog used to chase people on a bike
It got so awful we had to take the bike away
Life of a penis must be awful.
Life of a penis must be awful. His master beats him, people call him a "dick", his hair is a mess, his best friend is nuts and his neighbour is an asshole.
Just got home after the worst journey of my life. Check-in took forever because the baggage carousels weren't working. Then I got pulled aside at security because I'd forgotten about a pack of jelly beans in my back pocket. That meant I was rushing to the gate and in my haste I lost the book is massively overpaid for.
The take off was delayed four hours but we had to stay o
I ate too much falafel earlier
Now I feel awful
Why did the Pelican get kicked out of the restaurant?
Because he had a really big bill.
Credit: Gravity Falls (felt like sharing this god awful pun)
I got this awful disease where I cant stop telling airport jokes.
**The doctor says it’s terminal.**
A moth walks into a podiatrists office
Moth:hey there doc I’ve got a problem
Doctor:sure thing mr moth what can I help you with?
Moth:well you see doc, I lost my job because my boss is a total ass and I finally told him how I feel, got me fired. After that my wife left me because I wasn’t going to be making money for a while, she kicked me to the damn curb, I’ve got no money, no job, no wife, and no where
Thanos and Thor are in a karaoke
Thanos is a great singer, but Thor is awful at singing anything besides rap
In his turn, Thor tries to sing rock, and it is so bad that everyone leaves the place
Thanos, embarrassed, tells Thor: -You should have gone for the rap
Unsubbed from this entirely unfunny community
Peace. Enjoy your awful jokes.
An awful joke that popped into my head
What do you give a dog that graduates from university?
We should make a statue for the person who killed hitler.
I know he killed himself and I don’t wish there to be a statue of that awful piece of shit. Don’t take offense my brother said this joke and I decided to put it on here.
Way back in the 1960s, me and my friends had a really successful band. Whole football stadiums of people came to hear us play.
Shame about those hacks The Beatles we were opening for. They were so bad people kept screaming to drown out their awful music.
Dave wakes up one morning and feels great
He gets ready for work and goes to the station where he bumps into his mate.
‘Bloody hell Dave you look like shit. Are you feeling ok ?’
Dave replies, yeah I feel great, nothing wrong with me.
Dave gets to work and his boss says ‘fuck me Dave you look awful, get yourself home’
Dave replies ‘it’s ok boss I feel wonde
A older married couple were laying in bed one night....
reading a book before bed. The husband lets out a huge fart and says "Touch down"! His wife was disgusted at first but suddenly lets out a fart and says "Touchdown...Tie game". Not to be out done, the husband tries to fart again but only let out a tiny little toot...."field goal! 3 points"! The wife lets out another rip and says "Another Touchdown, back in the le
A roll of toilet paper walks into a bar...
The bartender says, “Man, you look awful! What’s up?”
The toilet paper says, “Nothing, really. I’m just wiped.”
I said something awful in church the other day
and not Jesus is cross with me.
The final season of game of thrones is a lot like porn.
Awful dialogue, shallow plot, and the characters just keep getting fucked.
I got fired from the keyboard factory.
I told my boss all these awful keyboard factory jokes from this page and he told me to leave.
I ordered a coffee and it tasted awful. I called the waiter over and said "This coffee tastes like mud!"
They replied: Thank you sir, it's fresh ground! "
Imagine if there were oak breast implants
That would be awful wooden tit
I heard that the old vaccums were awful
i used one...and they sucked...
Whats really good on pie, but awful on pussy?
Why would a tree make an awful Uber?
They can’t decide on a route.
George Bush was in a briefing one day...
“Sir 4 Brazilians were killed in Iraq yesterday.”
“Oh NO that’s awful!” He exclaimed “um how many is a Brazilian again?”
What do you get when you cross a child with a horse?
An awful lot of screaming and an abomination at the end.
A museum curator walks into an art studio...
...and asks the artists to create some art for the American history wing of the museum.
One artist pipes up
“I’m a great history buff, how would you like a piece about Custer’s last stand?”
The curator is pleased with the idea and agrees to pick up the painting in a few days.
A few days pass and the curator returns, eag
The reason nobody wanted Achilles in their raid-groups...
...was because he had awful heals.
Two men are discussing the ailing health of their parents.
“I feel bad,” the first man says. “My dad is senile. All he does is stare through the window all day long.”
“That’s an awful way to live,” the second man responds.
“Yeah, I know,” the man admitted. “One day I should really let him in the house.”
I'm awful when it comes to Jenga.
The odds are just always stacked against me.
The Notre Dame fire is awful
Imagine how the hunchback feels losing his home !!
Back in the 1800s, there was an oil refinery inspector...
He was ordered to inspect 3 refineries: Steve's Refinery, George's Refinery, and Miss Daffodil's Refinery. Each one operated in the same town.
The moment he stepped off the train, the smell was nauseating. It only got worse as he approached the first refinery, but bearably so. The sign read "Steve's Refinery". He went and spoke to the owner, saying, "
A middle eastern restaurant owner bought a new waffle iron.
He wasn't sure how to use it, so he chopped up some chickpeas, rolled them in flour and pressed them between the grates.
The mayor of the town stopped by that day, excited to try the new dish.
But when he took his first bite, the mayor declared it was so bad he would ban it from being made inside the city limits.
And that's the story of the very fir
A couple were on a coffee date...
While sipping lattes, the girlfriend thought it'd be cute if she and her boyfriend argued with each other over whom loved the other more.
"I love you so much that I would drink a latte full of dirt!" she exclaimed.
"Oh I can't say that I would do the same," said the boyfriend.
It's a good thing Hitler didn't kill more black people.
Because I'd feel awful every time I said Iwanted to bake brownies.
There was once a truly awful woman.
Nothing kind ever came out of her mouth, and she was arrested for hate speech on two seperate charges; on both occasions she managed to drive someone to suicide with a single sentence. She was charge with 30 years in jail for the first victim.
The second sentence wasn't much better.
A man and a woman are dancing...
A man is dancing with a woman when he leans in and asks:
"Excuse me madam, but do you fuck?"
She says "Do you ask that question of every woman you dance with?"
"Yes I do."
"Then you must get an awful lot of slaps in the face."
"I do madam. But I also get an awful lot of fucks."
A penguins car broke down
So he went to the mechanic who said he needed about an hour to check it out. To kill Time the penguin went across the street to get some vanilla ice cream. Since penguins have no hands he made an awful mess getting the ice cream all over his beak. When he returned the mechanic said “it looks like you blew a seal” To which the penguin replied no it’s just ice cream.
Rachel Maddow amp Joy Reid die amp go to heaven.
When they arrive at the Pearly Gates, God is there to greet them: "Welcome. You are free to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully."
Breathlessly, without hesitating, Rachel asks, "Why didn't Mueller prosecute Trump-Russia treason? Was he in on the conspiracy???"
God replies, "There was no conspiracy. Hundreds of milli
Have you folks heard about this mosque shooting? Just awful
I’ve been using Australian gun laws as an argument to try to end the Second Amendment for years, now this! Oh man, they pulled a fast one!
A while back, my father told me an awful dad joke.
He said he'd be right back