Autistic

Jokes

The father of an autistic son was threatening to suicide by jumping from a crane. All the family tried to negotiate with him, even the autistic son...

... with the crane.

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What does an Autistic Texan say?

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-haw

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A dog is brought to a vet to get shots.

The dog is now autistic.

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Im thinking about losing my virginity to an autistic person

I want my first time to be special

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You know what's something neither gay or autistic people can't do...

... Think straight

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Why did the autistic kids step on a prism?

Because he was on the spectrum.

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My autistic son finally started talking. His first word was yeet!

They won’t let me vaccinate him again. I called.

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NSFW How afraid of getting old am I?

So much I want to punch myself in the face like an autistic kid when I forget shit.

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How afraid of getting old am I?

So much, I want to punch myself in the face like an autistic kid when I forget shit.

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Why are gay people autistic?

They can’t think straight.

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My Autistic Daughter's Favorite Side Dish:

Asperger's with a side of Fries!

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Unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

because they are more likely to be dead

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What's the weirdest thing a woman can turn into?

A fish.

(Courtesy of my 15 year old autistic brother)

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You know, people are always telling me how I dont communicate right or dont understand emotions.

You know what i say to that?

Kiss my ASPERGERS!

(Joke curtousy of my Autistic coworker and good friend)

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Why are most autistic people gay?

Because they can't think straight.
Sorry

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What trait do autistic people and leprechauns share?

They're both on the spectrum

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Anti-vaxxer: all autistic kids had vaccine shots therefore vaccines cause autism.

Me: All Autistic kids also live past the age of 2.

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I took my autistic son for a walk around the park when this little dog comes racing up to us. Next thing I know there's a poo all over my shoe.

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My son gets really nervous around dogs.

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Fuck yeah I'm autistic.

A -my
U-grandpa
T-puts
I-his
S-cock
T-up
I-my
C-ass

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What did the autistic redditor say when their joke was stolen?

REEEEEEEEEE-post.

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What do you call a autistic Person, who doesn't believe in God?

An Autheist.

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What do you call it when an autistic kid gets vaccinated?

A level up.

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What do you call a bunch of autistic kids boiling alive?

Vegetable stew

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Einstein had one autistic brother and one brother in the military.

He had a "special relative" and a "general relative".

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What do you call a vaccinated trump voter?

Autistic

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Unvaccinated children DO have a lower autism rate than vaccinated children.

Because they're dead, you autistic vaccinated child.

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An autistic child go to school

First try at posting a joke. It's my favorite, I don't know if it's a repost, it is better with some gesture but I'll try anyway

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My doctor told me one of my vaccinations expired

Oh good, now I don’t have to worry about becoming autistic

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An autistic person can easily become a painter or a pirate.

With just a little arrr.

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A Baked Potato

I told my wife I wanted a baked potato, so she gave our autistic son some weed.

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An anti-vaxxer had 5 sick kids and then 4 died... how many did he have left?

The one autistic one.

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My friends said i look like autistic Dwayne Johnson

In one thing they were right but the other, not so much.

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What is wrong with an autistic persons handwriting?

It's really REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE cursive.

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Unvaccinated chdren are less likely to be autistic.

Because they are more likely to be dead

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Where does an autistic jew go?

To Au-schwitz

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What is an autistic person's favorite cable provider?

Spectrum

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TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic.

Because they are more likely to be dead.

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Why do vaccinated kids never get sick?

They become autistic and never leave the house.

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How do you keep an autistic kid in suspense?

Take away his Ritalin

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Whats worse than a child with autism?

A parent who’d prefer a dead child over an autistic one.

#Autistic&Awesome

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A grown man called me autistic today.

Never talking to my psychiatrist again.

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Why does Chick-fil-A always have a autistic employee

They need someone to laugh at

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You are shooting up the school. The autistic kid pulls out his glock and joins you. How do you thank him?

Wow, thanks. We weren't expect special forces

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Unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

They are more likely to be dead!

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My friend told me that I must be autistic for not vaccinating my children.

It's such a shame that people still don't know how autism works.

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So my friends brother, who is autistic, was crying.

So I told him : “Don’t let an extra chromosome get you down.”

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What do you call a group of autistic soldiers?

Special Forces

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What do you call a group of autistic soldiers?

Special forces

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What do you call a group of Autistic soldiers?

United States Armed Forces.

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What do you call it when an autistic child has a fever?

Mercury Rising.

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