Attractive

Jokes

An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru

An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru and says: “Oh great guru, please cure me of my ailment guruji!” As the woman was attractive, the mystic guru said “I will cure you my child, but as token of you gratitude, you must go to bed with me.”

She agreed, and the guru had the best sex of his life with the woman.

Then the guru asked “Tell


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I remember like a year ago I was so deprived of any romantic solitude and I always questioned how girls developed crushes on men without them being overtly attractive.

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I live on Attractive Roadkill Lane.

It's a pretty rundown area.

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If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive

They would eventually find me attractive

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What did the male cow say to the attractive female cow?

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John decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm...

...and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry." John said. "We


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What do you call the funeral of an attractive person?

Drop dead gorgeous

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I was tending bar when this attractive woman with mischievous eyes sidled up to the bar.

"Let me get a double entendre", she said.

So I gave it to her.

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How do you make 2lbs of ugly fat attractive?

Put a nipple on it!

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The first time I went to stay with my girlfriend at her parents house

her dad wouldn't let us sleep together. which was a shame.

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because he's very attractive.

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If I had a dollar for every girl that didn't find me attractive...

They would eventually find me attractive.

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A man walks up to an attractive woman in a bar.

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Yesterday, I met an attractive girl named DaRhonda. Immediately I could tell that she had not one, but two very pronounced "d's".

It was obvious, because without them she would have only been Rhon.

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I think all of you are testculos fangosos.

It is Spanish for “very attractive”

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If I had a dollar for every time women found me unattractive

They would eventually find me attractive

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An attractive man hired a prostitute for a handjob. She's curious as to why he needs to pay for her services. He says, "This may come as a surprise..."

"So you might want to close your eyes."

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What makes overweight people so attractive?

They have a strong gravitational pull.

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Fellas if you ever feel like youre not good looking enough for a smart funny attractive woman..

Just look up Tina Fey’s husband

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Recent studies have shown that women find men with beards more attractive...

This, of course, is courtesy of the students at the University of Bob Seger

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What do you call an extremely attractive Iraqi woman?

A Weapon of Mass Seduction.

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If I had a dollar for every girl that called me unattractive...

...they would evevntually find me attractive.

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What can a girl put behind her ears to make herself more attractive to men?

Her ankles ;D

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A cowboy walks into a bar

and takes a seat next to an attractive woman. Wanting to impress her, he tells her “So, I’m a cowboy.”

“That’s nice, but I’ve always been much more of a dog person.”she replied.

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A man sits down alone at a restaurant.

As soon as he sits down he sees a very attractive woman sitting across from him in the next booth. “Surely she is waiting for someone.” thought the man. “There is no way someone that attractive could be eating alone.”

Well the meal goes on and no one shows up to sit with the attractive woman. They had made some eye contact but never for long and the man was try


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I woke up with such a bad dead leg this morning.

Fortunately I still found the rest of the corpse extremely attractive.

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There was a gay guy that liked Pokemon.

One day, he saw an attractive male (to him). He said "Dick-achu, I choose you!".

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Attractive young lady......

A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious


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Only if I had a dollar, every time a girl found me unattractive

Soon enough, they will start finding me attractive

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If I had $5 for every woman that found me unattractive

Pretty soon they'd all find me attractive

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What do you call staying up all night, drunkenly searching for online pics of semi-attractive co-workers?

Beer Googles

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What did the lady say to the attractive creeper?

Lurkin' good!

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What do you say when you find your relatives attractive

No chromo

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I wanted to try online dating

I wanted to try online dating, so I clicked around until I saw someone I found attractive. We started chatting, and everything was going great, until she told me her career is "professional blood donor."

That's when I knew she wasn't my type.

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There's a man and an attractive woman in an elevator when the man farts...

The man whispers to the woman, "Did you hear that asshole talk shit behind my back?"

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Yo mama's so fat she's attractive....

…. gravitationally

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There was something so attractive about a girl I once dated

But I couldn't put my finger on it.

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I have a female coworker

There is something about her that is not right. I dont trust her. I get some bad vibes from her.

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She is also kind of attractive, so i seduced her and she gave me a handjob in the washroom. But i did not enjoy it very much and did not get much pleasure.

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This has been going on for two weeks. She still rubs me the w


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A guy walking on the beach finds a girl with no arms or legs... (NSFW)

He walks up and sees that she is crying, so he asks "hey why are you crying? Is everything okay?"
Laying there in the sand she sobbingly says "I have no arms or legs. No one has found me attractive my entire life and I've never been kissed before."
So this guy, being a nice guy decides "I'll help her out" and kisses her. But the crying doesnt e


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If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive

They will eventually find me attractive.

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What do you call an attractive Arab guy?

Asif

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If I had a dollar for everytime a girl found me unattractive

They will eventually find me more attractive.

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A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds.

As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder.

He reached a cloud, upon which was sitting a rather plump and very ugly woman.

"Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.

No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye.

"


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Held up at gunpoint, Murderer asks if I have any last words

Murderer: “Well, what are they?”

Me: “Um, it’s a bit embarrassing”

Murderer: “Just spit it out, you’re about to be dead anyway”

Me: “Alright then. I’ve lived my life without a family, without a wife, and without any love. I have a good job, stable income, and even recently bought my own house. This b


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Why do Romans consider 190 to be the most attractive number?

Because it's CXC

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How do you make 15 pounds of ugly fat attractive?

Put a nipple on it.

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L thought that my girlfriend would be 2 times less attractive.

I just had a drop of shampoo in my eye.

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I sat next to this attractive Thai girl on the train...

I kept thinking \*don't get an erection\*,\*don't get an erection\*, but she did.

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God gave to Tesla intelligence, made Brad Pitt attractive, gave to many people good soul

And gave to feminists just fake-red hair

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If I were any more attractive

I would be much less competent.

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What did the anthropomorphic trumpet say when he saw the other anthropomorphic trumpet which was really attractive and aroused him?

I'm horny

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