Attic

Jokes

What is brown and hides in the attic ?

The diarrhea of Anne Frank.

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Rich man tries to take his money with him.

A wealthy man decided he was going to try to take all of his money with him when he died. He got a large suitcase, filled it with cash, and put it in the attic. He was hoping to grab it on his way up to heaven. After he died, his family went up into the attic and saw that all his money was still sitting there. One of them said "well, he must have gone down."


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On the music of Ann Franklin ...

She wrote great music from the attic, shame it was so loud.

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The lead actress of our local theatre production of "Diary of Anne Frank" was so bad that...

In the scene where the Nazi officer comes into the stage and asks " Where is she ?"

" In the attic " shouted more than half of the audience

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Two rabbis are arguing about their squirrel problems in the synagogue attic...

The first rabbi says "I called the exterminator and we never saw the squirrels again." The other rabbi simply said: "We gave our squirrels a bar mitzvah, and they were all gone the next morning!"

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Fat Chicks

So two friends are heading to the brothel, one has never been before so the Madame enquires on what he likes. "Fat chicks."

So the Madame takes him into a room and says "This is Sarah, she's 16 stone, would you like to try?"

"No no no" says the man, "I like faaaat chicks. Bigger the better, can't get enough of them."


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My side hustle (building model boats in my attic) is going so well that...

I might have to move to new premises.

Sales are through the roof.

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Can you spell ATTIC for me?

A titty I see

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Look inside your shirt and spell attic out loud

attic

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I was going to get a couple neon signs for my man cave from the attic...

Sadly, they Argon

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Two men are standing a heavens gate...

.. The queue is moving slow and they get talking to one another.

"So how did you wind up here?", the first man asks the second.

The second man scoffs and says, "You don't want to know."

"Try me", the first man replies.

"Well, I suspected my wife was cheating on me so I left work early and tried to catch he


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Started working from home recently building boats in my attic...

Sails are through the roof.

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MOM! Dad hung himself in the attic.

April fools! He hung himself in the basement.

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I've started a boat business in my attic.

Sails are going through the roof!

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Three army officers decide to camp near their base for a night...

There hiking up a hill when a massive storm rolls in, they need shelter, luckily for them they find a small, super run down, old, musty, cabin.

They enter the cabin, and it’s a disaster...

Everything is overturned, animals had clearly screwed the place.

But the storm was intense, and they were beginning to get sick, so they decided to stay in the cabi


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What's a Jewish kid's favorite game to play in the attic?

The silent game

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A man goes for confession ...

The priest says “Tell me son why are you here”

“Well father , during the war , I hid a Jewish family in my attic and saved them from certain death.” the man replied.

The priest taken aback replies , “Well son this is a rather noble act that the lord would be proud of , why are you here at confession? “

“Well father


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Im going to open a Kosher Hotdog stand in my attic.

It’s called Anne’s Franks.

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What do you call a gay, black attention whore who lives in a San Francisco attic apartment owned by his widower brother-in-law?

Uncle Jussie

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Two ladies talking in heaven....

1st Woman: Hi, Wanda!

2nd Woman: Hi Sylvia! How’d you die?

1st Woman: I froze to death!

2nd Woman: How horrible!

1st Woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd Woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that


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I found a suicide vest in the attic this morning.

I was looking for an old poster I had when I was younger. Couldn’t remember what it was, maybe for a movie? Anyways, I was hunting in the attic and I saw an old vest with several bombs tied to it. I couldn’t see if there was a way to detonate it or not.

So, I took it down to my room, and I did some research. Under the right shoulder, I found a tag. The words were faded, a


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I was in the attic yesterday when I found my granddad's old wig-making machine.

It's a family hair loom.

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I found a vintage Altoids box from the 60s in my attic,

it was in mint condition

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What did the nazi say to the sneezing attic

bless jew

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Did you ever hear the one about Anne Frank hiding in the attic?

The Nazis did.

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Whats brown and hides in the attic?

the diarrhoea of Anne Frank

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Did you hear about those new German sausage's ?

Apparently you have to store them in the attic for at least a year until there ready for the oven.

They're called AnneFrankfurters.

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Tell me what you think of this joke.

A man is sitting at a bar enjoying a drink when an extremely unique individual walks in.

He was surrounded by dozens of beautiful women, his body was covered in expensive jewelry, and his head was an orange.

Overcome by curiosity, the patron of the bar asks the newcomer, “Dude. What *happened* to you?”

“Well,” he said, “I found a


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What happens when you tell Annie Frank a knock knock joke?

She goes to the attic.

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Everyone look down your shirt and spell attic.

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I found an old game.

Anne Frank simulator, looked okayish (as good as an attic can look) and had decent sound. Although the game has a big bug. During the tutorial everytime I jump I get shot.

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Ernie: How many dead hookers does it take to turn on the attic light, Bert? Bert: I don't know.

Ernie: More than four 'cause it is still dark as shit up there.

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The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay fo


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There are some issues with the top floor of my house...

It's problem-attic.

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A friend of mine set up a boat building company in his attic.

the sails were through the roof.

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Confession

The elderly man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and


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What do you call a roof addicted to meth

A drug attic

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why should you never keep pharmaceuticals under the roof?

To avoid it becoming a drug attic.

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An elderly Italian mans confessions.

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest. "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that


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An elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

"Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was


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I just found Grandma's teeth in the attic

They speak of the past

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To earn extra money, I started a home-based business building small boats in my attic ...

Business was really slow until I switched to larger vessels, and now sails are through the roof!

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When youre in the garage, youre Asian. When youre in the kitchen, youre African. When youre in the attic, youre Australian. In the bathroom...

European!

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String of Cheese Jokes

Hear about the French cheese factory that exploded the other day? DeBrie everywhere.

They think it might be an insurance scam by the owner though he's a bit mental, painted his wife the other day! He Double Gloucester.

He even tried to start up a new business making clothes out of cheese. Didn't go as well as expected, turns out fromage frays.

Decid


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A man is hiding Jews in his attic

A man is hiding nine Jews in his attic when a German officer comes into his house for inspection.

The officer asks, "Are you hiding any Jews in your house?"

The man replies, "Nein, sir"

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A man brings a big dog into a bar

He asked the waitress for 2 glasses of beer, one for him and the other for his dog. The dog grabbed the bottle with his mouth and chugged down the beer, as skillful as his owner.

The waitress was very impressed and excitedly asked "What other tricks can your dog do?"

The man looked at her and said "My dog can also do sex!"

So, the waitress


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The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and....

asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest. "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest. "It&


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Rich old man prepares for his death

A rich old man was on his deathbed. He knew he was soon to depart this world, but he could not bear the thought of leaving his wealth behind.

So he summoned his wife and instructed her to visit the bank, withdraw a large amount of cash, and stash it in the attic in a burlap sack. "I'll just grab the sack as I float up to heaven," the man said to himself.

Hi


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Now that the tide pod fad is dying down

lets move onto the cotton candy in the attic.

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