Attach

Jokes

Nasa techs put some humorous messages on the Space Shuttle Transporter attach points

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My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together

I totally nailed it.

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A woman dies, and arrives to the gates of heaven

An angle comes to greet her:

\-Welcome, you spent your whole life helping others, you spread love, and now, it's reward time.

The woman sees people with wings, and asks the angel:

\-How do I get my wings ?

\-We attach them to you, with screws.

\-Can I choose to go to hell ?

\-Why would you do that? you'll be pu


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A man's rear tire falls off his car in front of a mental asylum.

While inspecting he notices that all the lug nuts have broken and fallen off the wheel.

As he sits there desperately trying to find a way to re-attach his wheel to the car, he hears a voice call out to him from behind the fence.

"What seems to be the problem?" says the mental patient.

The man replies, "well it seems all the lug nuts have broke


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What do you get if you attach a pump to a man called Egomin?

an inflated ego

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What's the difference between a snowboard and a vacuum cleaner?

The way you attach the dirtbag

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A father and his son are fishing...

Son: "Dad, what do we do first?"




Father: "First, we attach this clickbait to the end of our rods and throw it into the lake."

**The son proceeds to do as his dad said**



Son: "Alright dad, what's next?"


Father: "What happens next will shock you."


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I got a really bad costume idea for your dog.

1) Get a baby doll
2) cover it in fake blood
3) Attach it to the dog somehow
4) Say your dog is dressed as a Dingo for halloween.

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I got a really bad costume idea for your dog.

1) Get a baby doll
2) cover it in fake blood
3) Attach it to the dog somehow
4) Say your dog is dressed as a Dingo for halloween.

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A man severed his penis

He goes to the doctor and explains, “My penis has been severed.. from my body.”

The doctor asks, “What in the world happened!?”

The man diverts from the doctors question with a wince of pain. The doctor nods in some sort of understanding.

“Ok, so... do you still... have.. it?”, the doctor asked reluctantly.

&ld


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Did you hear about the boy who was born without eye lids?

Scientists and Doctors were able to surgically remove the boy's foreskin and re attach it as eye lids.

You might be asking, is that possible?

The answer is yes, however he is a little COCK eyed now.

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On the first day of freshman year...

On the first day of freshman year in high school, the fellow students in my period 2 chem class walked into the designated room (at least the ones that weren't hopelessly lost) and we sat down and waited to become acquainted with the teacher. After he talked to us, it was obvious he was a really goofy teacher. There were dinosaur toys on window ledges and Led Zeppelin posters, and they j


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Did u hear about the baby boy born with no eye lids?

Did you hear about the baby boy born with no eye lids?
When they circumcised him they were successfully able to attach his foreskin as eyelids.

He is just a little cockeyed now.

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A friend of mine decided to attach a weight to the end of his dick to make it longer.

I told him, "That's quite a stretch!"

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There's a Greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity.

The river sticks

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I spent my whole day raising awareness for the environment.

Birds sure peck at you when you attach six-pack rings to them, but man do I feel like I made a difference!

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A man sends some lettuce through the mail

A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping lab


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The wife is waiting for her husband to come when...

Their youngest son enters the living room and finds his mom waiting with two glasses of champagne, naked, wearing only a sleeping robe. She sits on the couch and suddently the robe opens up entirely.

The son asks her: "Mom! What is that thing covered in hair?"

Embarrased his mom says: "It's a sweep, your father will be home soon to attach the stick to


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How to make $500 fast

Attach it to a rocket

Credit: 4chan

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I read a metalworking book on how to attach two pieces of sheet metal together.

The story was riveting.

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Its the age of sailing ships and a prospective Captain in training is taking his final exam at the Royal Naval Academy

"Alright" says the Admiral giving him his examination, "Here's the scenario - your close to the shore, and a massive bout of wind is driving your ship unstoppably towards the rocks, what do you do?"


"Well id probably attach a few reserve sails to the starboard side and see if i could turn her"


"Its impossible lad"


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How to Properly Jump a Car

Attach a cable to the red positive lead, then beat the negative lead for being black.

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What do you attach to a transgender chicken?

Dez Nuts!

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So this baby was born without eyelids.

The parents were distraught, asking the doctor "What can you do to help him??"

Doctor says, "Well here's what I can do. We can remove some of the skin from his penis, and attach it to his eyeballs, and that way he'll have eyelids.

"Only problem is that he's going to be a little cockeyed the rest of his life".


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What does a monocle attach to?

An old person.

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It took me an hour to attach my watches to each other to make a belt.

It was a **waist** of time.

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An American factory orders a shipment of a certain part from a Japanese factory.

They write a letter to warn their partners "Be aware of our strict standards, we only accept 3 defective parts per 10 000".

The Japanese reply: "We don't quite understand what do you need them for, but as per request, we manufactured three defective parts and attach them separately hereby"


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How do you attach two quarks together?

Simple! It's just a glue-on!

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What is a sperm cell with an attach case?

A representative of my balls

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Oscar Pistorious was denied the chance of a non custodial sentence....

They couldn't find anywhere solid to attach the electronic tag.

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Did you hear about the vintage attach with a perfectly working clasp?

It was a classic open-and-shut case.

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Did you hear about the Lawyer who showed up to court without his attach? (original joke)

Judge threw him out, said he didn't have a case.

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