Asthma

Jokes

Two old ladies met up in town

Hello Mavis, did you come on the bus?

I did yes, but i made it look like an asthma attack

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

You are like my asthma

You take my breath away.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Which state has the worst asthma?

Louiwheezeiana

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the similarity between Hitler and an asthma patient?

Neither of them can finish a race.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My jokes on asthma are....

...breathtaking!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do people have asthma?

Just breathe.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a kid with one leg, one eye, one arm, asthma and tons of acne?

Names.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do people with asthma prefer to be cremated when they die?

Because they hate coffin.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call an African American with asthma?

The Black Panter

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

You can run but you can't hide

Is a funny thing to say to children with asthma

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

After everything I say, say "My Asthma"

After everything I say say "My Asthma."

What stopped you from winning the race?

Why aren't you participating in Gym class?

Why can't I use my Axe Body Spray?

Mom asks where you put your Epipen?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Im afraid of getting married because Ill have asthma

I’ll have to asthma wife.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a dinosaur with asthma?

A bronchiosaurus.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Yeah, Ive gotten an asthma attack before

A bumped into a smoker and he punched me in the face

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Hey girl you got asthma?

Cause you got that ass Ma

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a Russian with asthma?

Vlad the inhaler

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I feel bad for people who have asthma

Because out of all the things you could be bad at, you suck at breathing.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the Monster Hunter bring their inhaler to fight Vaal Hazak?

"My asthma."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Definition of "living in illusion"

When after 25 years of marriage you realize your wife isn't as "passionate" as you thought but instead has asthma.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did David Lee Roth use to suppress his asthma attacks?

an Eddie Vanhaler

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a pair of shoes with asthma?

Wheezys.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My wife passed away from an asthma attack during sex.

[deleted]

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I always thought I was good at sex

Then I found out all my exes had asthma

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I named my Penis asthma

because it leaves bitches breathless.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A driver was swerving all over the road...

... then was pulled over by a police officer. The police officer knocked on the door and said,

"Sir, please blow into this machine"

"Sorry officer, I can't"

"Why not?"

"Because I have asthma, and it might trigger an asthma attack"

"Okay, could we get a blood sample then?"
<


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I prefer women with big breathing problems than big breasts.

I'm an asthma-n.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

GEEK BOOTY CALL... FRESH AIR

You're a breath of fresh air, just like my asthma inhaler!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I had an asthma attack while walking to work today...

Even I didn't believe it when 3 asthmatics jumped out of a bush and started hitting me.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man visits the doctor to get treatment for his asthma.

The doctor recommends that having better ventilation within the man's house could potentially cure his condition, and tells him to sleep with his windows open.

A few days later, he visits the doctor again.

"Ah, I see you're back. How's your asthma? Is it gone?"

The man shakes his head and replies:

"No, but my TV, ce


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Some guy called me a faggot after I used my asthma inhaler...

It's not my fault I need two puffs four times a day.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I had an asthma attack

with all that wheezing you would of thought i would have heard them hiding

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My ex-girlfriend had asthma. I used to hide her inhaler...

Because my neighbors thought i was a total stallion. They used to hear her all night... *HUFF PUFF WHEEZE* "GIVE IT TO ME!" *HUFF PUFF WHEEZE* "GIVE IT TO ME!"

Boom.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I used to hide my ex-girlfriend's asthma inhaler...

Because my neighbors thought i was a total stallion. They used to hear her all night... *HUFF PUFF WHEEZE* "GIVE IT TO ME!" *HUFF PUFF WHEEZE* "GIVE IT TO ME!"

Boom.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

When my Mom found out I had asthma she sent me to a camp for Asthmatic children.

It was so much fun.. singing songs around the Humidifire. ( yes I know how I spelt it )

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Excuses, excuses

A cop notices a car weaving haphazardly along the street and, after briefly following the car, pulls the driver over. He gets out of his car, steps up to the window, shining his flashlight on the driver, who smiles politely and says, "Hello, Officer."

"Sir, I'm going to have to administer a breathalyzer test," the officer informs him.

"I'


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two ladies meet up for coffee...

The first lady asks if she came on the bus. The other replies, "Yes, but I made it look like an asthma attack."

(I work in a hospital, a patient told me this.)

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My Wife asked me today, "How come you don't get me flowers anymore?"

"I thought you were just into edibles because of your asthma."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

After everything I say, say "My Asthma"

After everything I say say "My Asthma."

What stopped you from winning the race?

Why aren't you participating in Gym class?

Why can't I use my Axe Body Spray?

Mom asks where you put your Epipen?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What would King T'challas be if he had asthma?

The Black Pant-tha.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Guess how good my jokes on asthma are....

They're breathtaking

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Yo momma's allergy to nuts is so bad

I teabagged her and she had an asthma attack

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Do you like Cigarettes After Sex?

Oh you do?
Well hey, I'm a Virgin with Asthma.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a vampire with asthma?

Vlad the Inhaler

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Last night I watched a documentary on TV about asthma...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two nuns meet up downtown...

"Martha, did you come on the bus?"

"Yes, but I pretended it was an asthma attack."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE