Assumption

Jokes

Somebody asked me what the names of my triplets were. I replied, well this one is Gonzo.

They interrupted with, "Oh you're a Muppets fan.' I said, "You should have waited before you made that assumption, this one is amatuer, and this one is anal."

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My wife thinks I'm cheating on her.


It's affair assumption.

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My friend told me the Kardashians had big butts.

I called him out for the assumption.

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My life is like that of an old grizzly bear wandering in the woods.

The joke here is the assumption that I have a life

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Seen a sign that said "saint mary of the assumption" church

never before have i seen a congregation so willing to make an ass out of you and me.

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I always wear my Stethoscope around my neck

So in an emergency, it teaches people a valuable lesson about assumption

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A duck and a laptop go to a bar and, after a while, the bartender asks the duck if he'd like the drinks on his bill

The laptop scolds the bartender for making such an assumption and insists that the drinks be put on his tab

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I think most of you probably already know about the first rule of Assumption Club.

[deleted]

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I think most of you probably already know about the first rule of Assumption Club.

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I saw whipped peanut butter in the store today ...

... so I pointed it out to my friend, Tori.

Tori: Weird. Would it even taste any different?

Me: I don't know. Since they whipped it, it would be my assumption that they would, y'know ... whip it good.

Tori: God dammit, ChickeninEveryPot. God dammit.

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So a woman is at a supermarket...

She is loading all her items on the conveyer belt for the chasier to scan.

Her items are; A litre of milk, a carton of eggs, and a head of lettuce.

The cashier looks at her and says, "Are you single?"

The customer, shocked at her assumption says, "Yes, I am. How did you know?"

The cashier says, "Because you're ugly.&


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Is this the biggest subreddit?

I saw on the sidebar that there are over 65million subscribers and was wondering if that was real. If so I don't think that I have seen any other subreddit with that many subscribers and would have to make the assumption that this is the largest subreddit. Is this true?

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The Assumption Song

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