Associate

Jokes

A Mafia Leader Is Robbed By One of His Foreign Non-English Speaking Associate

The leader figures out who stole the money and hires a translator in order to properly communicate.

Leader: So you're the one who had the guts to steal my money?

Translator (proceeds): He said he didn't do it.

Leader: Tell him to cut the bulls*** and tell me how much he stole.

Translator: He says it was around $250,000.

Lea


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A pastor is headed to Pittsburgh

A pastor is headed to Pittsburgh for a convention with his associate preacher and they decide to take the train.

At the station, the pastor tells his associate to have a seat while he purchases their tickets.

After standing in line at the ticket counter for an extended period of time, he's finally next in line to purchase the tickets for himself and his associate p


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What did the amniotic sack say to the expectant mother begging it not to break because it was the anniversary of the death of her first child and she did not want to permanently associate the birth of the second with that day that had haunted her the entire year

"jeez lady, cut me some amniotic slack"

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GF joke

So my girlfriend came over for a weekend and she somehow ended up breaking a glass table. So I had to take her to the ER and they took X-Rays of her legs, and they concluded that she needed these poles that had to go into her leg. Every time she was asked for permission to be operated on, she just kept refusing. I guess she didn’t associate with KNEE GEARS

to understand the jok


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I dumped my girlfriend after she falsely claimed Netflix was the cheapest streaming service.

I refuse to associate with a Hulu-cost denier.

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Just wait for it

I went over to my friends house to watch a game on tv. And about 30 minutes in, his girlfriend stands on a glass table and it breaks, and her leg gets super cut up
Because their car was reliable at the time I had to drive her to the ER while my friend called some people.
When I got there we immediately got a room and the doctor said she would have to get screws in her knee to help it m


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I d not associate with Brown people.

Only Yale, Harvard and Princeton.

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Why are rappers smarter than anti-vaxxers?

Because they no longer associate with Cristal.

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I had to drive up to my friend's house...

His girlfriend broke through a glass table and fucked up her leg.

She went to the hospital, they asked her for permission to put these metal cogs in her leg but she kept refusing because that freaked her out.

​

I guess she just didn't associate with knee gears.

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This girl I knew got in a car crash and really messed up her knee...

She went to the nearest ER to have it checked out and the doctors weren’t sure what to do. They asked her if they could perform an unorthodox procedure that involved putting metal cogs into her knee to replace the missing joint connections.

In the end she decided against it and lived one legged for the rest of her life. I guess she just didn’t associate with knee-gears.


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A former Trump associate walks into a bar...

“Pardon me.”

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Why didn't the cows associate with the pigs?

Because they were Mooslims.

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My friends girlfriend fell through a table last night

It was made of glass and it messed up her leg pretty bad. He drove her to the ER last night and they said they had to do emergency surgery on her leg. It involved putting some metal cogs and gears in her leg though.

This really freaked her out because I guess she just didn’t associate with knee gears


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Heres a good joke (sorry)

So My friend he fell into a glass table and fucked up his legs. So we went to the er and took xrays and the doctor said we need to insert metal rods into his leg but he kept saying no because he doesn’t associate with knee gears

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An elderly man goes to his bank to get a loan.

The associate, a long time friend of his, greets him with a hearty handshake and asks him what the loan is for.

The man replies, "Well, I'm getting a mail-order bride, and I'd like to upgrade my ranch for her arrival."

"Well, how old will your bride be?"

"She'll be 23 when she gets here."

The associat


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A blonde walks into Best Buy...

She approaches an associate and asks the price of a TV in the corner, but to her surprise, the associate looks at her and tell her that they don't serve blondes.

The blonde goes home and dies her hair brown, the returns to the store and asks the same question - only to get the same reply.

Now furious at how he recognized her, she goes home and puts on a black wi


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My friend told me white rice was better than brown rice...

I stopped talking to him, because I don’t associate with ricists.

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I got fired from my position of sales associate at Dyson vacuums yesterday...

Apparently saying "Would you like to try our vacuums? They suck!" wasn't the best thing to say to the customers.

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My first job was as an associate director of a local chapter of Make a Wish Foundation.

My first solo assignment was for a kid with a terminal form of cancer. His only wish was to become his favorite superhero, Batman, for a day. I contacted the local fire and police department and contacted an EMT agency and we set up a scenario where the kid would save the town and its mayor and be awarded a medal.

Once everything had been set up, we woke the kid up in the middle of th


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Importance of Audience

Father Murphy woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an
exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just
had to play golf.
He told the Associate Priest that he was feeling sick and persuaded
him to say Mass for him that day.
The moment the Associate Priest left the room, Father Murphy headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.


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I try not to associate myself with bowlers

They're all a bunch of pinheads

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Give me a W! W!

Give me an A! A!
Give me an L! L!
Squiggly! Squiggly!

Give me an M! M!
Give me an A! A!
Give me an R! R!
Give me a T! T!

What does that spell? Wal Mart!
I canter you! Wal Mart!
Who's Number One? Customers Always!
Who Are We? We Are Ready! Bring it On!

Me to associate: Is that Wal Mary's cheer?
As


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Paying an old Native American who can foresee the future.

A movie director started filming in the middle of a dessert.

One day, an old native American dropped by and whisperred quietly.

"It rains tomorrow."

For real, it rained the next day. 1 week later, the native American dropped by again.

"Storm tomorrow."

There really was a storm the next day; they couldn't fil


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On his way home from work, a man realizes he has forgotten a birthday gift for his daughter...

He stops at Toys R Us and heads straight to the Barbies. Overwhelmed by all of his choices, he approaches a nearby sales associate. She then proceeds to show him their most popular Barbie dolls.

"Well, here we have Astronaut Barbie, Surfer Barbie, and Veterinarian Barbie... but our most popular doll by far is Divorced Barbie."

"Divorced Barbie? What makes


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I never understood why people associate sign language with deaf people

[deleted]

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A blonde walks into an auto parts shop and asks for help in finding the section with L10...

The sales associate behind the counter is puzzled. He has never had anyone ask him for this in his time at the shop. He says the traditional "let me check the catalog and my inventory really quick". Nothing shows up.

He runs around the corner and quickly asks the assitant manager. No luck, the assistant manager hasnt either.

The associate runs back to the blo


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Father John's Worst Round of Golf

Father John woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So ... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father John headed out of
town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he


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A blonde goes to a electronics store...

and walks up to the sales associate and says, "I would like to buy the TV in the corner."

The associate says, "Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes."

Furious, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair black. The next day, she returns to the store. She sees the same associate and says, "I would like to buy the TV in the corner."


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Skipping church

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally
beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he
told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass
for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town
to a golf course about


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Russian Condoms

One day the president of the largest condom company in Russia is called down by his sales associate. He tells the president that they have just gotten a huge order from America for double extra large 16" condoms. The associate tells the prez that it must be a prank, so the president mulls it over for a minute and then says "Make their order, but when you mark them them for shipping, stam


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