Assignment

Jokes

Four idiots were in the finals stages of becoming full members of the local skin-head biker gang. Their last assignment was to terrorize some Jews at a bar mitzvah later that afternoon.

They failed their final assignment because the rabbi saw them when they first arrived. He had the four skins immediately removed before they caused any trouble.

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I once had a temp job at a prune processing plant

It was a plumb assignment

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What does my summer assignment and women have in common

Fortnite stops me from doing it

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Watt?

Kevin is working on a assignment and forgot what the name was for the messurement unit of electricity. He turns to he his classmate and ask him “can I ask you something”, his classmate answers “yeah, watt is it?”, kevin responds with “yeah I think it is”

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Ive given up on taking my business essay assignment seriously, so now Im just trying to work in sex jokes.

"Strong leadership and teamwork has to be contributed by both the top and the bottom, resulting in a versatile fusion of satisfactory results."

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I failed my python breeding class because of a late assignment.

My homework ate my dog.

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I failed my python breeding class because of a late assignment.

My homework ate my dog.

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Jake thought his homework assignment would be easy.

All he had to do was interview a family member. But Mom was working, and Dad was helping Jayne study for a math test. Jake wandered in to the living room, where his little brother Jesse was lying upside down on he couch with his feet hanging over the top, watching TV. A dubious subject for an interview, but his options were limited, and the assignment was due tomorrow. “Well, here it goes,&r


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My dog ate my coding assignment.

It took him a couple bytes.

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My toughest assignment as a detective was finding my laptop cover

But I was on the case

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What do you call a minimum 3 page assignment for homework given to you by your mexican teacher?

Essay

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My crush called me up at 1 a.m. yesterday

She needed help with the Physics assignment

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Closing all the tabs after you finish an assignment is like closing all the tabs after you finish watching porn

Except you're the one getting fucked

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I was given an assignment to do an essay about procrastination.

But I dunno. I'll do it later.

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In English class I did an essay on The Room for my assignment

The teacher gave me a hi mark

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A teacher at Besuki Public School, Jakarta turns to her students...

and assigns reading assignments to them all.
"I expect you all to write a report on the assigned material. If you come across a new word, make sure you use it in a sentence. That will help you understand it better."

A young Barack Hussein Obama goes home and begins to work on his assignment when he comes across a word he has never seen before.

Resolving to


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They say a picture is worth 1000 words

This assignment is gonna be a breeze.

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Earlier, I was discussing about sexually transmitted diseases with my crush as a part of college assignment.

Crush: Don't worry, you have 0% chance of getting it.

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Harry and Ron are given a group assignment with little time to do it

Harry turns to Ron and says:

- Ron, we need to use our time weasley.

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I am so unwitty. My teacher asked me why i didn't turnover my Speech assignment

I didn't know what to say.

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My highest APM count?

The evening before the assignment is due.

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M calls 007 into her office.

She says, "Your next assignment is to go to the Chrstmas ball and meet new people. Bond, James, bond!"

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So I have a fun homework assignment

Alright, so I’m currently in a media class and my homework is to create a “three act” story with three social media posts. This is the first. I want people to come up with the first act of a three act heroe’s journery story (short please). My favorite comment will be the first act and I’ll post it when the second post for the second act.


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I never understood why soldiers hate digging latrines.

It's not a piss-poor assignment.

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I accidentally ripped up my homework assignment about the history of perforated paper.

It was tearable.

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The moral of the story

The teacher gave her class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and began to tell their stories.

"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am. Once my daddy had an appointment with the barber. But on the morning of that day, his throat was hoarse. He still went for


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Nikola Tesla was in trouble - he had not done his electrical studies assignment and his teacher was not happy...

His teacher asks, "well, where is it?".

Searching for a legitimate excuse, Tesla says, "I did it - but the dog ate my ohmwork".

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A guy decides to hang out with his friends instead of finishing his literature assignment

After all, bros before prose

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Calvin had a mean teacher.

So when he missed a deadline for an assignment, Calvin begged for an extension.

The teacher said, “No, I’m giving you a 0, Calvin.”

Calvin replied, “You are absolutely cold.”

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Teacher: Good news, you have an extra period to finish your assignment!

Me: Wow, that's a whole extra month!

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Transitioning

I was thinking today how the 18 month Brexit transition period is a little like gender re-assignment treatment. There will be an 18 month period where we're neither really in or out.

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My love for you is like a copied assignment...

I just can't explain it.

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The school sent an assignment home asking me to teach my kid how to carry and borrow over spring break.

It was tough, but we did it. By the time spring break was over, she was carrying a $300 balance on her capital one card.

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Was Vladimir's assignment not very good?

[deleted]

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I walked in on my friend jerking off right before an assignment was due.

I said, “wtf are you doing?”

He said, “procrasturbating.”

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Harry Potter, for a magical creatures lesson had the assignment of looking after a magical gecko.

He took great care of it , and was graded “A” for nurturing the pet so well. However shortly after receiving the grade for his assignment , the gecko escaped and went missing.

Harry was understandably upset about this, and a couple weeks of searching went by to no avail.

Then one day Hagrid comes running up to Harry, holding what looks like a portable cage wi


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I got a job for British gas the other day. For my first assignment they gave me some blue prints marked in inches. I couldn't understand it at all...

I only read meters.

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What do you call a group of rednecks in a hot tub?

A bubba bath.

My shitty attempt at a redneck joke. For a class of mine, we’re supposed to share a redneck joke as part of next weeks assignment. Let’s hear yours!

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The head of the CIA tells you that he has a secret assignment for you to do.

Specifically, he tells you to meet him at a Tokyo restaurant and to wear an Asian costume.

When you ask him what exactly you need to wear an Asian costume for, he says:

"I want us to be secret Asians."

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What's a Mexican's favorite assignment?

Ese's(Essays)

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My high school assignment

My high school assignment 
was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served 
in the Philippines during the war, 
I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone?”

Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, “Probably. I was the cook.”


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For not doing anything.

Student: Teacher, would you punish me for not doing anything?
Teacher: Definitely not.
Student: I haven't done my assignment.

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A student has a long and stressful summer

When he gets back to school, his teachers first assignment is for the pupils to write about their summers. The student, not having had a good summer, asked the teacher if he could write about another topic. The Teacher refused and told him if he did not write about his summer he would recieve a 0.

When the day to turn in the assignment comes, the student does not turn anything in. Wh


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Why History is important.

Me and my friend were eating lunch while on our computers when he noticed that he had an assignment due in history. He replied with "Crap we have an assignment to do in history," He said
I told him that I already did it. He started to get frustrated and said: "Who cares about history anyway, it's all stuff in the past,".
He began to walk off to buy a Pop-Tart


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Abstinence

I'm extremely obese and in high school we had an assignment to write down "ten ways to stay abstinent until marriage." And I'm like, that's ridiculous. I don't need ten ways to stay abstinent until marriage. I'll just be myself. Thats *one* way to stay abstinent until *death.*


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Teacher: "Your composition on the assignment "My dog" is exactly like your brothers...

...did you copy it?"

Boy: "No, it's the same dog!"

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Teatcher: "Your composition on the assignment "My dog" is exactly like your brothers...

[deleted]

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Kindergarten homework assignment

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. "It's a period,'


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Handed in an assignment late today, looks like my teacher is giving black Friday deals too.

50% off

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Dying is a lot like a homework assignment.

[deleted]

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