Artist

Jokes

Someone pretending to be a painter told a very convincing story and stole your Mexican food. What happened?

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I used to be a trapeze artist...

...but I couldn't swing it, so they let me go

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I suck at art, but I want to become an artist...

Can anyone recommend me some good vaccines? I hear they make you artistic.

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Artist and a critic (old Russian joke)

An art critic visited a new exhibition and wasn't impressed.

Next day, he wrote an article about it in the newspaper, with the title ''The exhibition could have been better''.

Offended, the writer wrote a response claiming the title is untrue and demands it to be changed.

So the next day, the critic complies and responds with the n


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I recently got a rulebook written by an artist I ordered on Amazon. The way they numerically list the rules is weird:

...,30, 31, 32, 33, 33A, 35, 36,...

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A rapist and con artist get caught by the sheriff in a small town.

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I quit my job as a crayon artist yesterday.

It wasn't all it was chalked up to be.

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Where would a Martial Artist stay?

Hya-tt Hotels

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What do you call an amputee that does karate?

A partial artist

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My friend tries to impress women by drawing realistic pictures of the Ford F-150.

He is a pickup artist.

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Who is Hitlers favorite artist?

Lizzo, because she blames it on z juice.

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I made a diss track about smores only one artist said it was hot

Marshmello

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Spelling Mistakes

I accidentally made a spelling mistake on my work. I found this out when I get screamed at for it. It is a fairly small mistake, so I don't understand why she is so upset!

Jeez, I'm a tattoo artist, not an english teacher. Calm down, we all make mistakes.

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What do you call an artist with a sore throat?

Vincent Van Cough.

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A Man Walks Into a Tattoo Shop Asking for $100 bill on penis

A man walks into a tattoo shop and asks to get $100 bill tattooed on his dick. The tattoo artist is surprised and intrigued by this request. "Uh, are you sure about this sir?"

"Yes, I'm sure and I'm willing to pay whatever."

"Ok. May I ask why this particular tattoo in this particular spot? It's not going to be comfort---"<


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Once bought a painting from a double amputee.

He was an all right artist, but it cost an arm and a leg.

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An artist went out and did a flight training exam.

He passed it with flying colors.

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A homosexual, a con artist and a child molester walk into a bar.

"What can I get you, father," asks the bartender.

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There was a very famous Song Artist named Barry. He has just published his new song...

and it was a barry big hit.

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This girl who is a total Beatles fanatic decides to get John Lennon and Paul McCartney tattooed onto her inner thighs.

She takes their pictures to the tattoo artist who says he can do a perfect job of reproducing their images in ink on her
inner thighs. Hours later, the job is done. The tattoo artist hands her a mirror, and she is shocked!

“That sucks...It doesn’t look anything like John or Paul!”

The tattoo artist is offended. “Of course it does. That looks


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I once worked as a trapeze artist

But sadly I was let go.

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Whats trumps favorite music artist?

AWOLNATION

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A young artist exhibits his work for the first time..

.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, sure. I would love to here it. " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."


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A friend of mine tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of the Ford F-150.

He’s a pickup artist.

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What do you call a Mongolian who wants to steal all your money?

A Kahn-Artist.

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What is Trumps favorite music artist?

AWOLNATION

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I like to combine words.

Since Cardi B is a rap artist, I just refer to her as a rapist.

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Doctor: I've got some good news amp bad news sir

Artist: Ok. What's the good?
D: Someone just bought every one of your paintings.
Artist: Alright! Whats the bad news?
Doctor: That someone was me.

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An innovating artist dies and ascends to the afterlife

Upon reaching it, he is very concerned with where he will end up, since he worshipped a different religion than what he has arrived in.
He is greeted by the god, who welcomes him to the highest school.
The artist is shocked by this, asking "What did I do to deserve such a reward? I attended mass every Sunday, I was a devotee of a different deity."
The being respon


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You know a top artist by the fact he doesn't look at his instrument while playing it.

Stevie Wonder and Ron Jeremy, for example.

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A plastic surgeon and a tattoo artist made a deal, where the surgeon did a breast enhancement operation for free for the tattoo artist, and in return she promised to tattoo the surgeon for free

Tit for tat

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Ever heard of the artist who pissed on little girls?

Pee-Diddy might want a name change

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My Subway sandwich artist was so bad

I’d consider my sandwich to be abstract.



Eat fresh

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I ran into a famous artist at the airport and politely asked if I could take a picture. He said yes and smiled at me.

I don't understand why he suddenly got so angry when I asked if I may keep the frame.

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My roommate is a weirdo performance artist who outlines all his paintings with his penis.

I shouldn’t have moved in with Dick Tracy.

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My artist wife started cheating on me with a psychic...

She did say she wanted to experiment with a new medium.

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A guy walks into a tatoo store

"Could you tatoo a tank on my back?" he asks.
"Sure thing." the tatoo artist says.
After a while, he says "Done!"
"So quickly? It's been a few minutes at best!"

The tatoo artist says"I mean, it was only four letters..."

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Why did the graffiti artist decide to leave town?

He saw the writing on the wall.

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I was talking to a hipster when he asked me my favorite underground artist.

I replied Whitney Houston

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The Fox Painting

I paid a visit to an art gallery today and saw an exquisite piece of art. It was of a fox. Every stroke on the painting was perfect and every colour was blended together beautifully.

But as I analysed the painting, I noticed that something didn't feel right. As if there was still something missing from it.

And I was right! As soon as I caught it, I just couldn'


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The Fox Painting

I paid a visit to an art gallery today and saw an exquisite piece of art. It was of a fox. Every stroke on the painting was perfect and every colour was blended together beautifully.

But as I analysed the painting, I noticed that something didn't feel right. As if there was still something missing from it.

And I was right! As soon as I caught it, I just couldn'


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Jay Z is the first hip hop artist to become a billionaire...

...so that’s why Beyoncé stayed with him.

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I got my tattoo artist to write Tattoo artists are stupid on my back.

I thought I got him pretty good until I realized the joke was on me.

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Why did Vincent van Gogh cut his ear?

He was a starving artist.

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Did you know Hitler tried to get into art school twice before rising to power?

He was actually a good artist but a better Baker

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To the people wondering if my computer is a world famous pop music artist...

...yeah, it's a Dell

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My art major friend was told the other day, a true artist should please no one but themselves

besides of course, their Starbucks managers

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So, an artist, a mathematician, and a fisherman commit a crime

And I was looking at the file and it looks kinda sketchy, it doesn’t add up. There’s definitely something fishy going on.

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My friend the artist told me he didnt have any cyan, azure, cobalt, navy, royal, or sapphire paint.

That was completely out of the blue.

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My Grandpa was an artist. He had an amazing stroke

That's how he died...

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