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Jokes

Letter to the IRS

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Alcoholic

I was reading an article the other day which said if you are drinking alcohol everyday you might be an alcoholic!

Thank god, I drink only every night!

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Have you read the article about broken pencils?

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My flirtatious neighbor called me and said that she bought too many zucchinis and ended up making two cheese and zucchini pies. She said I was welcome to come over and take one, and she also had some left over herbs that I could have.

So I went over, and she told she had just finished reading a Cosmo article called "which traffic sign are you?"

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"Which traffic sign would your ideal woman be?" she asked me seductively.

​

I said " Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with I just want your extra thyme and


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Just found this very promising article of procrastination

I think I'll read it tomorrow

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I saw a news article about how a dwarf got pickpocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?

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Someone wrote an article on the art of the rimjob.

I thought it was in poor taste.

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Just saw a news article

about someone impersonating a mime. The mime community is quite upset about this but something tells me they aren't going to speak out about it.

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How to write a Buzzfeed article:

r/askreddit

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I read an article stating that 25 of all woman are now on psychotropic medications.

This is a very scary thought that has unnerved me. "That means that 75% are still running around untreated."

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Dad, can you help Peter and me to write an article about bulling?

- What Peter, the fat faggot?

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I read an article called "7 signs you might be an overachiever"

I related to 8 of them

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Have you seen that article?

Yea I reddit, it was really interesting

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Just saw an article about brain eating amoebas becoming a potential problem in Texas (true). I remember this happened about 10 years ago in Alabama and the outcome was terrible.

Poor amoebas nearly starved to death!

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I just read an over-hyped sensationalist bullshit piece of crap article that said if the content upset me they would make it up by sending me 780lbs of dry ice

I'll literally shaking right now

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Saw an article on Reddit about procrastination

Decided to read it later...

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A writer from the New York Times submits an article about Bernie Sanders but it is denied.

(First post here. Sorry if it sucks)

Writer: What??? I put my heart and soul into this article? What was wrong with it?

His boss: Oh, the paper’s fine, it’s just full of grammatical errors.

Writer: Like what?

His boss: Well, for example, you didn’t capitalize “Bernie Sanders”

Writer: Yeah, cause Bernie


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My neighbor tricked me into buying his dog by claiming it could sew any article of clothing,

But all it does is pants.

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Science Article: people are much more happy in polyamorous relationship

Me: I knew it, humans are not meant to be married to a single person

Wife: thank god you realised the truth honey, meet Chad our neighbour.

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I read an article about scuba divers who had to clear a septic tank blockage

They must’ve been in some deep shit when they took that job

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I read a newspaper article about a woman who stole a bunch of toilet paper from wal mart

They said she got off scott free

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A black lady on a train was having diarrhea and couldnt hold herself any longer, so she took a dump in front of everyone

Next day, BuzzFeed published an article about her with the title: “A powerful black woman is challenging society’s rules”

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A lady gets on a train and releases a loud fart

All the people on the train stare at her for a few seconds and then start clapping. The lady is confused, so she farts again and everyone keeps applauding her. She then takes off her pants and underwear and shits on the floor.

Next day, BuzzFeed publishes an article about her with the title “A powerful black woman is challenging society’s rules”


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A lady gets on the train and releases a loud fart

All the people on the train stare at her for a few seconds and then start clapping. The lady is confused, so she farts again and everyone keeps applauding her. She then takes off her pants and underwear and shits on the floor.

Next day, Buzzfeed publishes an article with the title “A powerful black lady is challenging society’s rules”


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A lady walks into the train and releases a loud fart

All the people on the train stare at her for a few seconds and then start clapping. The lady is confused, so she farts again and everyone keeps applauding. She then takes off her pants and underwear and shits on the floor.

Next day, Buzzfeed publishes an article with the title “A powerful black lady is challenging society’s rules”


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Article 13?

Someone in the EU. If pirating is the illegal download of media, the someone please pirate a pirate meme.

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Three Nuns

One Friday, there were 3 nuns riding on a mountain road. They were coming around a turn when a semi rammed into them head on killing them instantly. They were coming to the gates of heaven and noticed a sign that said "Closed for Remodeling".
One nun knocked on the gates and out came St. Peter. He said, "What are you doing here! No one is supposed to be here! We are closed for


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When I get home I see my good neighbor for 5 years is moving, so i ask why...

Yeah, not long ago i read an article saying most of the accidents happen close to home, so i decided it was time to move away

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A man is reading the newspaper

He tells his wife about one article on crime in India:
- It says here that in India, a woman gets raped every 8 minutes.

- That poor girl sure is unlucky.

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I read an article about a Chinese teenager who sold his kidney on the black market so that he could buy an iPhone

It obviously didn’t go well, and he is now bedridden for life and on dialysis... which does give him ample time to use that iPhone.

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CNN Made a Joke Article for April Fools

Just another day in the office.

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Article 13: Were banning memes. Also Article 13: becomes a meme

Congratulations, you played yourself

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When the whole of Reddit mocks the EU for Article 13

Yet still wonders why British people would ever want to leave EU Leadership?

lol wut

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Article 13

Article 13. That's all.

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Article 13

That’s it. That’s the entire fucking joke

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Wanna hear a joke about Article 13?

I would tell you, but it’s copyrighted.

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You know what my favorite article is?

13

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I was listening to Uncertain Smile from The The. Man, I love that band...

...They are the genuine article.

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My favorite vacuum cleaner brand is called the "Article 13"

Because it sucks the most.

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Article 13 exists.

VPN's: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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Article 13

End of joke

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You know the worst thing about Article 1317?

π•Ώπ–π–Žπ–˜ π–•π–”π–˜π–™ π–π–†π–˜ π–‡π–Šπ–Šπ–“ π–ˆπ–Šπ–“π–˜π–”π–—π–Šπ–‰ π–‰π–šπ–Š 𝖙𝖔 π–™π–π–Š π•°π–šπ–—π–”π–•π–Šπ–†π–“ π–€π–“π–Žπ–”π–“'π–˜ π–ˆπ–”π–•π–žπ–—π–Žπ–Œπ–π–™ π–‘π–†π–œ.

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Article 13

Seriously, it's never gonna work..

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Oh I have to make a joke

#article 13

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Article 13

[This Joke has been removed at the behest of the copyright owner.]

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Article 13

That’s it that’s the whole fucking joke.

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Article 13

That's the joke.

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What did Article 13 say to memes?

You shall not pass!

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What did the meme say to Article 13?

You shall not pass.

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Article 13 was passed

Thats the joke

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