Arrest

Jokes

A man who is being apprehended by the police has a heart attack from shock...

Police: you are under arrest

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A man, apprehended by the police, has a heart attack from shock...

Police: sir, you are under arrest

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Her: Come over

Him: Can't, I'm under arrest for double homicide.

Her: But I'm alone, my parents went out.

Him: Yeah, about that....

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A policeman is speaking in court...

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Why did the thug accelerate to a hospital upon seeing a police car behind?

He was afraid of a Cadillac arrest.

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I stole a girl's heart

I'm now under cardiac arrest

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What did the cops do the burglar running away that gave him a stroke?

They contained the burglar using cardiac arrest

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I had the most obedient dog in the world. I told him not to move a muscle

And he died of cardiac arrest.

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Why did the philanthropist go into cardiac arrest?

There were many causes close to his heart

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Police: Sir, you are under arrest for trying to carry 6 people on a single motorcycle

Me: What do you mean 6 people?

Police: Yes, 6 people. Now please get off your vehicle.

Me: OH MY GOD!

Police: Sir?

Me: Jack fell off!

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People say President Trump has no moral spine and constantly flip flops on his beliefs, sometimes even between tweets. The details of Epsteins arrest finally proves these naysayers wrong...

Clearly he’s been pro ‘kids locked in cages’ long before his presidency began.

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Her - Come over

Me - I can't, I'm under arrest for double homicide.

Her - My parents aren't home.

Me - ..about that.

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What did the FBI agent say to R Kelly upon his arrest?

Urine trouble now!

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My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.

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More bad news for the coal industry

Hundreds of minors out of work since the arrest of Jeffery Epstein.

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When a girl says she wants to have a guy's babies, no one bats an eye, but when I say I want to give someone my babies-

-I'm suddenly under arrest for human trafficking.

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Did you hear the one about the guy who died watching porn?

Cardiac Arrest Mid-Stroke

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Why did the FBI arrest the guitarist?

Cause he held A minor in a wrong way.

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How many cops does it take to fix a lightbulb?

none, they arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.

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What happened to the man who robbed a donut store?

He was placed under cardiac arrest.

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How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?

They don’t. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.

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NSFW - The Queen is touring a prestigious hospital...

They come to the special care wing and she is utterly disgusted when she sees a nurse giving a male patient a hand job.

"What is the meaning of this?!" she screams.

"Don't fret, your Majesty. This man has a rare condition that requires him to ejaculate once every hour or he will go into cardiac arrest and die", replies the doctor.

She


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Police related jokes arent funny

So give it arrest

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How do you stop a heart attack?

You put him in cardiac arrest

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The cops told me theyd arrest me if I masturbated to any porn star that wasnt Scottish, but I did it anyway

I got off Scot-free

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The Other day I was at the gas station

and saw a girl pumping gas while smoking. I thought it was pretty stupid but just kept going as I was far enough.
As I was finishing pumping gas when I saw the police was driving in. So she tried to get rid of the cigarette while pulling out the pump and her arm ended up caching fire.
She waved it in the air until the fire went away.
The police came and arrested her.
I thou


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Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car

They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.

The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him


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Heisenberg, Schrdinger and Ohm are in a car.

They get pulled over.

Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him “Do you know how fast you were going?”

“No, but I know exactly where I am” Heisenberg replies.

The cop says “You were doing 55 in a 35 zone.”

Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts “Great! Now I’m lost!”

The c


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Some cops beat up Cardi B to death

It ended up as a Cardiac Arrest.

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What's it called when a heart goes to jail?

Cardiac arrest.

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Driving home after a hard day at work, a man gets pulled over by a cop. His patience is wearing thin.

"Tell me, officer: would it be a crime for me to insult you? Hypothetically speaking, of course - I think the police are wonderful - but in theory, could you arrest me if I said you were a cunt?"

"Yes sir. That would count as disorderly conduct."

"What about if I were just to think it?"

"No sir. You can think whatever you li


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What was the last thing the notre dame said before it burned down?

I have information that will lead to Hillary Clinton's arrest

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420 (almost)

Police: Your car smells like weed

Guy: whoever smelt it, dealt it

Police: o.o

Guy: You're under arrest

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My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest for being good in bed.


After 2 minutes all the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence

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When cops arrest a clinically insane person...

...are they busting a nut?

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Heisenberg, Schrodinger, and Ohm are taking a road trip.

A cop pulls them over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks "Do you know how fast you were going?"


"No, but I know exactly where I am." Heisenberg replies.

​

The cop says "You were doing 60 in a 35." Heisenberg throws his hands up and yells "Great, and now I'm lost!"

&


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What do you charge a baby with when they refuse to take a nap?

Resisting arrest

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What Does A Cop Need To Die Of A Heart Attack?

A Cardiac Arrest Warrant

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What did the cop say when he suprise arrest a black man?

*boom!* youre under arrest!

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My grandfather was brought in by the police

Apparently he was brought in for Resisting a Cardiac Arrest

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What did the pirate say during cardiac arrest?

"Arrrrrhh me hearty!"

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When a cop tries to arrest you

U pull out a uno reverse card
Then you arrest the police

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My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After 1 minute all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.

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Why did one laptop arrest the other?

Because it was ASUS pect

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A man, convinced of a crime, was in court.

The judge said 'Why did the police arrest you?'

The man replied 'For shopping too early.'

The judge said 'Well that's not a crime, how early were you shopping.'

The man replied 'Before the shop opened.'

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How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?

None.
They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.

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Why did the cops arrest the pianist?


He fingered A minor.

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A perverted farmer from Philadelphia regularly has sex with his cows....

The cows would struggle and moo at first but eventually became used to it. One day, he finds an absolute unit of a Yak wandering into his farm. Intrigued by the rare sight, and a little horny, he starts approaching it slowly and carefully. Since he normally takes on docile cows, he knows this yak could be dangerous if penetrated alarmingly. Improvising, the farmer gets a rope and ties it around th


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How many cops does it take to arrest a Mexican?

Seven. One to carry him, the rest to carry his oranges.

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A man in court

A man is at his sentence hearing and the judge says he will get 10 years for armed robbery and an additional ten years for evading arrest but the man says that it was his job to run and their job to catch him so the judge says that he shouldn't try to run-on sentence.

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