How do you like your steak?

Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir?
Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife. Waiter: Rare it is.

Me and my best friend had an argument yesterday

So, I stole his wheelchair because I was angry at him.

You'll never guess who came crawling back

[Note: I don't mean anyone anything by this. It's just a joke. Please don't get offended]

I had an argument with my girlfriend in an elevator the other day

It was wrong on so many levels

My wife and I had a huge argument last week. She called me gullible and financially irresponsible.

I can't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her I just won the Nigerian lottery!

In a fierce argument, the woman says to her husband.

\- "I would be better of I had married the devil!"

\- "Well, you couldn't. Marriage between two close relatives is illegal!"

I havent spoken to my wife for a month. We havent had an argument.

Why can't you win an argument with a comedian?

They always get the last laugh.

I saw a couple of kids having an argument about Shakespeare

One was yelling about Macbeth. The other was yelling about Hamlet.

I thought it was much ado about nothing.

What do you call a group of programmers?

An argument.

My wife is a magician.

She can turn anything into an argument.

Me:watches argument about global warming

Also me: *oh shit thing are getting heated*

On a summer's day, two American tourists were driving through Wales ...

On a summer's day, two American tourists were driving through Wales ...


At the beautiful village of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch,
they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the blonde waitress,
''Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very sl

---

A cannibal is on trial, and with insurmountable evidence against him he stands and delivers his final argument.

Got into a heated argument with a guy...

He said "How about you go home and blow your dad?"

I replied "I'm not sure my head would fit in the urn. Even if it did, I'm don't even where to begin."

A frog walks into a bank

I got in an argument with a bowler

I got in an argument with a bowler about who's life is harder, and he told me that I should walk a mile in his shoes.

I told him he wears those rental shoes, I'm sure I have.

I had an argument with my girlfriend the other day

It was wrong on so many levels

A porn star presented a philosophical argument advocating enlightened hedonism over deontologism and utilitarianism while demonstrating by means of a sex act.

It was a fellatious argument.

Da bomb

“You’re da bomb!”
“No, you’re da bomb!”
In America, a compliment.

In the Middle East, an argument.

How does someone who lost an arm starts an argument?

Well, on the one hand

Dad Joke 1

I got into an argument with the guy one farm over. He got so mad, he threw a rooster at me.

"Careful now" I said, "Them's fightin' birds."

I just watched Extra Credits' new video

His argument was a Reich

Youre the bomb! No, youre the bomb!

In America, a compliment.

In the Middle East, an argument.

My argument that Pi wasn't so special failed to convince mathematicians

They said it was circular

First and Youngest

A hot girl walks up to you and says she was the first and youngest to be raped by her uncle. Then her hot sister walks up and says the same thing. They get it an argument over who was the first and youngest. They both say they’ll have sex with if you take their side. Which one do you agree with?
The answer is to put your arms around both of them and say “ladies you obviously both

---

Got into an argument with a German guy at the bar

He angrily slams down his beer and asks "How many World Cups have you Americans won?"

I sneer under my breath and say"How many World Wars have you guys won"

For those of you wondering what its like to be in a relationship.

I just found out this morning I’m on day 3 of an argument I didn’t know I was having.

Two men are having an argument

The argument is about how man 1 wants to surround a light bulb with a piece of semi-transparent fiber.

Man 1 says: I know it's dumb, but I still am gonna do it.

Man 2 says: I see, so you're lamp-shading.

A father and son are having a heated argument

The son storms off and shouts, "Jim Morrison was a shitty lyricist!"

The father replies, "What did I tell you about slamming Doors in my house?"

Waiter: And how would you like your steak cooked? Me: Like winning an argument with my wife.

Waiter: “Rare it is.”

My post didn't get 10,000 upvotes but I got some butt play anyway

After an argument the cops took me to jail

What do you call an argument you have while you're high?

Grass fed beef.





BTW I came up with this myself.

There is at least 2 side to a vet argument

If you disagree then you are already in one

Fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?





Just switch off the lights.

There were two drunks having an argument outside a bar as to whether the object up in the sky was the sun or the moon.

Another drunk stumbles out, and the first two drunks look at him, and one of them asks “Buddy will you help us out? We are having an argument and we can’t decide who is right… Is that the sun or the moon?”

The third drunk replies “aw I don’t know man, I ain’t from this neighborhood”

---

If you ever get into an argument and you feel as if the person may use violence, the best thing to do is call the Police.

When the officer arrives, knock him out, take his gun and show that bitch who he's fucking with.

How long does it take congress to screw in a light bulb?

Three seconds, but the argument over which lightbulb lasted three years.

In a hotel in jamaica

A man rings the hotel desk and he says, that his room his 828 and he is having an argument with his wife and that his wife is threatening to jump out of the window.
The hotel clerk says, that is a personal matter we cannot help you.
But then the man says, yes it is the window won't open.

"You the bomb." "No, you the bomb."

A compliment in the U.S.

An argument in the Middle East

Winning an argument on the internet is like winning in the special Olympics. You may have won a trophy, but you're still retarded

What do triangles use to settle an argument?

The Pythagorean Theorem

Is an argument between two vegans still...

called a beef?

Did you hear about the radiators that got into an argument?

It was a pretty heated discussion!

I just had an argument with a girl I know.

She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.
So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key.
But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock.
That shut her up.

---

Two 12 year old boys had an argument, one from America, one from Europe

[deleted]

A man walks into a bar...

... And, throwing a glance back at the door, asks for a beer "before the argument starts."

Finishing it, he looks at the door again, and asks for another beer before the argument starts.

He then says to the bartender "okay, could you please give me a cocktail before the argument starts?"

"A cocktail? You haven't even paid for th

---

Whats the difference between an argument and geometry?

In an argument it goes in circles after someone goes off on a tangent, in geometry it stops going in a circle once you go off on a tangent

At work in the trash recycling facility two of my co-workers got into an argument

I let them sort it out

Three blonds decide to go hunting.

Eventually, they come across some tracks. One blond says they're bear tracks. Another calls her an idiot, claiming they're clearly deer tracks. The third blond is really regretting this trip, she can see they've circled back upon their own tracks, and are now lost. The argument was just getting heated when the train hit em!

---

I'll be the first one to admit that my argument was made in bad faith, but even I did not expect

the Spanish Inquisition.