Arctic

Jokes

What do you call an arctic rabbit

A polar hare

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What do you do if you come across a penguin in the arctic?

Wipe it off and apologise...

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Why are the icebergs leaving the Arctic?

Because they're bye-poler.

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What do you call fifty penguins in the Arctic?

Lost! REALLY lost!

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What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?

Where were you on the night of September to March?

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I love my arctic seabird so much I've decided to buy another one

After all one good tern deserves another

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What do you call fifty penguins in the Arctic?

LOST!

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What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?

"Where were you on the night of September to March?"

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Getting a job in the Arctic in the winter is great!

When the days get short, you only have to work a 30 minute work week.

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What eight letters can you find in water from the Arctic Ocean?

H to 2

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What does a CVS in the Arctic Circle?

A minuit clinic

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Two guys are trekking through the Russian Arctic with their two Donkeys.

They both stop for a moment to take in the scenery.
Guy #1: I have to piss so badly.
Guy #2: Again???????????? We just did this five minutes ago.
Guy #1: But I really have to go.
Guy #2: Alright, but hurry up! I'm freezing my ass off!

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I work in arctic rescue, but we never get any emergencies.

We only get cold-callers.

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I work in a arctic rescue, but we never get any emergencies.

We only get cold-callers

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An Arctic explorer gets frostbite

And looses the toes off both feet whilst on an expedition.

After he returns home he starts having relationship problems with his wife. He can't understand it as they had been happily married for years before his injuries.

She behaves really unreasonably and won't put up with anything that he does.

He speaks to his doctor to see if he has any advise


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What do you get when you cross Noah's Arc and a Bug?

Arctic.

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What do you cal 50 penguins in the arctic

Lost

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Why is that psychiatrists dont want to visit Arctic areas?

They can’t handle bipolar bears.

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Just listen to Arctic Monkeys latest album

I’ll give it a 4 out of 5

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What do you call a group of penguins in the arctic?

LOST! SUPER LOST!

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What do the Arctic Poles of Planet Earth and Democrats share this year?

The both REALLY want to get rid of ICE.

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Can't decide which song is better at the minute...

Arctic Monkeys "Four Out Of Five", or Drake "8 out of 10"...

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Where do Arctic Monkeys store their food to keep it cool.

Indie fridge.

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A special group of polar bears that live in the Arctic and Antarctic have been seen with dual personalities and sexual attraction to both sexes..

I guess you could say they’re Bi-polar bipolar bi polar bears.

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I have a compilation album of the best Arctic Monkeys songs...

It's their first album.

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What is an arctic animal's favorite drink?

A polar beer

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While on location for weeks in arctic Siberia, writing a piece for National Geographic, my brother randomly showed up to keep me company.

It really helped having a cool story bro.

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You know I've always liked the arctic

There has always been something cool about it

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Put the Israelis in the Arctic circle and the Palestinians in Antarctica.

And tell them "you can come back when you're ready to be friends again"

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I believe Donald Trump can make this country what it once was-

-an arctic region with zero population

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How an Illuminati living in the arctic is called?

An Igloominati

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Why is Donald Trump popular in the Antarctic and Arctic?

Because he's doing well in the poles.

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What do you get when you cross a blowjob with the Arctic?

The Oral-Borealis

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Did you hear about the arctic terrorists?

[deleted]

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What do you call a sexually-confused Arctic Circle?

Bi-polar

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I hate to admit it but my views on life in the arctic

are very polarised.

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What do you call a bear in the Arctic?

Starving.

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What do you call a sometimes homosexual arctic bear with heavy mood swings?

A Bi bipolar polar bear!

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Why do celebrities want to be Arctic sea-ice?

Because it's getting younger, thinner and more media attention year after year.

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What do you call a town in the middle of the Arctic Ocean?

An Iceburgh.

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What's the most important thing for having sex in the Arctic Ocean?

Make sure you have a tight seal.

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What's a polar bear's favorite place to sleep?

The Arctic.

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Which alligator lives in the arctic?

The refridgegator.

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ARCTIC HOOKER

Q: What is a hooker in Alaska called?
A: A frostitute.

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Blank paper

Teacher was checking on students during art class in an elementary school. She noticed that little Timmy drew nothing and left the paper blank, so she asked him why.

He replied: "It's an arctic rabbit in a snow storm"

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What do you call an arctic bear that goes both ways?

Bipolar.

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What ship breaks dangerous ice flows in the Arctic?

The Titanic.

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You know how I know woman are colder than nen?

Because there is no Uncle-Arctic.

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Just been told by the doctor that I am a large arctic bear with a sexual attraction to males and females.

Thank fuck for that, I thought he was going to say I was a manic-depressive.


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I keep getting the urge to purchase a big white bear from the artic...

...Doc says I might have "Buy Polar" disorder!

EDIT: arctic*

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