Arch

Jokes

What did the German say when he lost his glasses?

Arch, I can nazi!

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I must admit, my arch-nemesis did a good job impersonating me...

...Indeed, he was a worthy faux.

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I must admit, my arch-nemesis did a good job impersonating me...

...Indeed, he was a worth faux.

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An Australian superhero tracks down his arch nemesis...

He camps outside his evil lair to do some reconnaissance before going in. The next day he goes in but gets captured.

Villain: “Did you come here to die?”

Hero: “Nah mate, I came here yesterday.”

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My 17-year-old daughter and I made up a joke today! Q: Who is the bread Gods arch-enemy?

A: The Anticrust!

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A fishing man catches a golden fish and sets him free

The thankful fish grants the kind man three wishes, but adds that whatever the man wishes for, his arch enemy gets the double amout of it.
"OK, I wish that I had 10 million Dollars!"
"Here we go!" the fish answers. "But your arch enemy has now 20 million Dollars."
"I wish I had 20 female attractive nymphomaniacs." - Poof! The wish was grant


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My ex-best friend used to be really nice to me, but ever since they found out I have flat feet, they've been mean to me and bullying me over it.

They're my arch-enemy now.

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Two Scientists walk into a bar

Bartender comes around

The bartender: What will you be having?

Scientist 1: I’ll have some H20

The bartender hands him a glass of water

The bartender: And you?

Scientist 2: I’ll have some H20 also

Scientist 2’s arch nemesis disguised as the bartender: -Snaps finger- So close

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Two Scientists walk into a bar

Bartender comes around

The bartender: What will you be having?

Scientist 1: I’ll have some H20

The bartender hands him a glass of water

The bartender: And you?

Scientist 2: I’ll have some H20 also

Scientist 2’s arch nemesis disguised as the bartender: -Snaps finger- So close

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Why did the two podiatrists hate each other?

They were arch enemies.

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My favorite joke,: two chemists walk into a bar

The second chemists is the arch enemy to the bartender but the second chemist doesn't know that the bartender is his archnemisis when the first chemist orders he says "il have h2O" then the second chemist says "il have h2O aswell" the bartender says "damn it"

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I was bored and being a lazy fat arse at work.

I decide to stand up and stretch while yawing and my belly knocks over the table. The satisfaction of the blood rushing into my brain is too intense to stop now. I decide to finish this yawn and proceed to stretch further. I could hear all these cracks and pops. Reddit will have me know that it's Nitrogen gas from the Synovial fluid in my joints being released that causes all these pops and c


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What did the diabetic superhero say after he lost a fight with his arch nemesis?

I’ve been defeeted.

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Hello, I'm Hydroxide Dad. I stand for Truth and positivity.

My arch nemesis is Sodium Man. He can make me Lye.

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Two chemists are at a restaurant

Waiter: What can I get you?

Chemist 1: I'll have some H2O

Chemist 2: I'll have some H2O also

Waiter, chemists 2's arch nemesis in disguise: [under breath] so close....

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Two chemists at a restaurant

[restaurant]

Chemist 1: I’ll have some H2O

Chemist 2: I’ll have some H2O also

Chemist 2’s arch nemesis disguised as a waiter: [under breath] so close....

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Superhero Hydroxide Dad..

Hydroxide dad is a superhero who's able to defend earth with uncanny dad jokes.
He disarms villains with his charming personality and wit, with just a bit of negativity thrown in.

He says "My arch rival, Sodium man, exploits my weakness.. he can make me lye"


OH Dad...

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Two chemists walk into a Bar

chemist 1: I’ll have some H2O

chemist 2: I’ll have some H2O also

chemist 2’s arch nemesis disguised as the bartender: [under breath] so close....

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What does a horny caterpillar turn into?

A moan-arch butterfly.

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Who is the pirates arch-enemy?

The ©.

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Archibal Assoulshot's first day at school

This is a verbal joke, best told/read out loud.

It's Archibald Assoulshot's first day of school.
The teacher says: "Now class, I want you all to welcome Archibald to the class. Archibald, will you stand up, say your name for the class, and spell it?"

Archibald stands up and says "Yes ma'am I can do that. Archibald Assoulshot, A-r-c-h-i


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Everyone wanted to go to Arch Strength, or Arch Dexterity, even to Arch Luck.

Can't for the life of me think why noone wanted to go to Arch Wits.

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What is a reddit euphoric gentleman's linux distro of choice?

Arch linux, because it's very customizable, lightweight and has a great community.

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Rabbi and Priest

A Catholic Priest and a Jewish Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and the future. "What position do you see yourself in a couple years from now?" asked the Rabbi to the Priest. "Well, actually, I’m next in line for the Monsignor’s job," replied the Priest. "Yes, and then what?" ask the Rabbi. "


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Need help writing a joke....

This is what I have so far, with the help of some friends and @gotoandsmoke: "I took a ride home yesterday with a horse taxi driver. Asked him "Hey, what's your favorite drink? Horse responded: Caberneeeeeiiiggghhh...."

So you got the 'cab' in there... and the 'neigh,' but I need some narrative arch to really pull this together. Any suggestions?


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2 chemists

So there’s these two chemists who go to this restaurant.

At the restaurant a waiter comes to their table to offer them some water.

Chemists 1 says to the waiter: “I’ll have some h2o”

Chemists 2 says to the waiter: “I’ll have some h2o also”

Then chemists 2’s arch nemesis mutters underneath his breat


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