Approve

Jokes

I caught my nephew using "Duck" in place of the F word.

I had to stop him, I know his dad wouldn't approve of such fowl language.

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A woman had a 100 children.

She didn't have the creativity to give them unique names so she named each of them a number from 1-100. The first child was named 'One', second was named 'Two' and so on.

But in a tragic accident 99 children died. Only the one named Ninety survived. Ninety eventually grew up and lived a whole life and even had a few kids of her own.

One day when t


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John started dating a girl who was notorious for sleeping around and keeping count of the men she'd slept with.

One day, John asked his best friend Mike for advice.

"Hey buddy, I know you've all warned me about her and you don't approve, but I really want to buy her a special gift. Do you have any ideas?" asked John.

Mike shrugged. "It's the thot that counts."

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What do you think of Polyamory?

I do not approve. It is not natural. It does not make any sense.

I mean, why would I want to tell my three girlfriends about each other?

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People say I am indecisive

I can neither approve not Denny this fact

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I used to go out with my English teacher but she dumped me,

she didn't approve of my improper use of colon.

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Why would antivaxxers make terrible bartenders?

They don’t approve of shots.

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Why does a Nazi not make a good art teacher?

They don't approve of mixing colors.

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A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller

He sees from her nametag that the woman working at the counter is named 'Patricia Wack'.

​

"Hello Patricia." the frog says politely. "I'm here today because I'd like to borrow $200,000"

​

Patricia does a double-take, and looks at the frog incredulously.

&amp


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I don't approve of political jokes

They keep on getting elected.

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A dog started to love a cat very much.

He went to his parents to ask their opinion. But they refused to approve this relationship.

Why?

Because The girl has a mustache!

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My boss doesn't approve my practice of taking a glass of rum before work. He said "I won't tolerate alcoholism in a workplace!", to which I replied "Sir, it's not alcoholism..

*it's microboozing*

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I provoked my therapist but she didn't seem to approve.

I can't help it though, she just makes me feel a tease.

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Two dudes were masturbating in my living room.

I told them to beat it but they didn’t leave! They even thanked me for my approval! I don’t approve and I’m appalled and offended.

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I used to go out with my English teacher but she dumped me

She doesn't approve of my improper use of colon.

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I used to go out with my English teacher, but she dumped me.

She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.

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A cemetery superintendent was hoping to approve newly donated lands for internment

The Holy Cross Cemetery had received a surprise donation that would double the real estate of their current holdings, which were already overcrowded.

The lead undertaker, Arthur Falconer, was tasked by the superintendent with surveying the new land to plan how to layout the new headstones.

He took his shovel to the new grounds and started to dig a burial plot. To his imme


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TIL Steve Irwin was trying to market his own sunblock.

The FDA wouldn’t approve it because it didn’t protect you against all rays.

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I try so hard not to upset my vegan girlfriend that I am constantly walking on eggshells.

She doesn’t approve of that either.

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My grandmother didn't approve of me working at the nudist tennis club.

But you should have seen her face when I told her I'd been promoted from ball boy to head of staff.

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Where I work, people are free to go and take a nap whenever they like, but they aren't at all free to say anything that the higher ups don't approve of, without being severely constrained in their room to act for some time.

Are other kinder gardens also like this?

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One day a travelling salesman was driving around Appalachia and decided to stay the night in a farmhouse.

After enjoying a fine meal with the farmer, the salesman turned to him and said, "What is it like for hiring a companion for the evening?"

"Well," replied the farmer, "I'm afraid there are not many women around these parts. But there's always Cletus........."

"Oh?" said the salesman, intrigued, "How much does he charg


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Why don't Baptists approve of pre marital sex?

Because it leads to dancing.

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When I was 16 I tried to by some alcohol with my girlfriend. The cashier didn't approve.

He said she was fucking ugly.

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My new girlfriend.

Recently I've started dating this girl who's in 8th grade. I'm in 9th grade and all my friends think it's extremely weird. My own mom doesn't approve. She told my sister the other day I think we should cut it off.

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I don't approve of political jokes.

[deleted]

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I try so hard not to upset my vegan girlfriend.

I'm constantly treading on eggshells.

Which she also doesn't approve of.

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9 out of 10 people...

9 out of 10 people approve of gang rape.

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A Woman And Her Hundred Kids

There was this woman, who had a hundred children (probably from mexico or something). Now, this woman had no imagination, so she simply named them after the order they were born. The first child was named "1", the second "2" and so on. Unfortunately, the woman and her children got into a terrible accident, (again, probably something to do with mexico) leaving everybody dead, ex


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Just met up with an old friend yesterday

I asked where he's been I haven't seen him in years. He replied jail, cops don't approve of you selling pot in a school zone.

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I approve of free range parenting

the meat just tastes better.

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Why did got object to the wedding between the catholic man and the catholic woman?

He doesn't approve of same sect marriage

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I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me...

She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.

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Dalai Lama must reincarnate. China-says dalai lama is less-and-less-influential-but-must-reincarnate.

"Chinese official: The Dalai Lama matters less and less — but he must reincarnate and we get to approve his successor" This is the JOKE of the Day. China should Reincarnate as a better animal.

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A mildly off-color joke from Alfred Hitchcock.

I was just watching an old interview with Hitchcock and he had me laughing out loud. This is a joke he told:

A father in England gets his son into the best school (Eaton). He sends his boy off, planning to visit him the following week.

The next week arrives and the father visits his son. To his surprise the son is all bruised and cut up like he had been in a fight.


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A man comes home to his wife with two black eyes

The wife freaks out but calms down enough to ask what happened. The man says “well i was in the mall today on the escalator and there was this cute girl in front of me and she had her skirt tucked into her but. I pulled it out for her and she turned around and punched me in the eye.” The wife says “yeah i approve of that but how did you get the second one?” The man says &ld


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How many Germans does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?

**One.**

**Germans are very efficient and not very funny.**

*Source: My co-worker.*

*I'm German and I approve this message.*

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Why the pope does not approve of continuous functions?

Because it is not holy.

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People don't approve when I run up to them in the street amp try to make plaster casts of their faces.

At least that's the impression that I get.

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I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me.

I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me.


She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.

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I dated an English teacher for a few months, but it didn't work out.

She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.

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I have a new Obama joke, but...

not many people approve.

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I don't approve of the relationship between the Eurasian and Indian Plates...

Both of them are in it just to get Himalaid.

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Bank Loan

A young girl, named Patricia Wack, starts a new job as a loan officer at the bank.

A frog walks in an asks her for a loan, she looks at him for a moment amazed that a frog could talk but proceeds professionally.

He needs five hundrded dollars for a new business venture and is willing to offer her a candle stick as collateral.

She is of course surprised by


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