Application

Jokes

No application forms

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I was filling out an employment application when it asked me SEX: M or F?

I wanted to be honest so I said F if I can, M as a last resort.

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I was filling out an employment application when it asked me SEX: M or F?

I wanted to be honest so I said F if I can, M as a last resort.

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Little Johnny is in geometry class learning about surface area when he raises his hand...

...and tells the teacher, "You know, I can't think of any practical application of this." A few months later, his final comes around. He's making a tissue box of notes. He says, "Well, I'm sure glad I learned that in geometry!"

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Which is the scariest application server?

Web's fear.

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APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT

I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and hereby apply for the replacement of the deceased manager.

Each time I apply for a job, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case I have caught you red-handed and you have no excuse because I even attended his funeral to be sure that he was truly dead and buried before applying.

Attached


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A man got accepted to work as a janitor for a company. He apparently does not satisfy with that, he then contacts the HR department to ask for better outcome.

Man: Hi, could you please have a look again at my application? I deserve to have a higher position.

HR: Hmm..*look at the application* you are right, okay, then I think we might have something that suits you better...

Man: That is good news. What am I now?

HR: Second floor janitor.

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I thought I got drafted

And then realized my grandparents forwarded to me a job application from the United States Postal Service because I dropped out of college.

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Joke Help?

Does anyone have a good joke to submit for a job application? It’s a job related to Physical Therapy in the US. Thanks!

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I asked Google to open up the mirror application for me

I got redirected here instead

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Have you seen the new Federal Government job application questions added in 2016?

Have you ever been convicted of a felony? If no, would you be willing to commit a felony for your President?

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Hi! I'd like to submit my application through reddit's pride program

And I'm applying to be a mod to this subreddit.

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1950 Ekaterina had a brush with the law for saying some things she shouldnt have said, and now the police were hot on her heels. She had at most 1 week before they find her, so she desperately applied for asylum in the US. However, the application was rejected.

There was an issue when Ekaterina filled in her nationality. She was in a hurry, and her English wasn’t very good.

RUSH-SHE-ARE.

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A former jewelry store clerk had their job application denied at the local bowling alley.

"Clearly you don't have the right kind of balls for this business!" the manager furiously said.

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender. "What happened?" the bartender asks. "I got an instant reply thanking me for my submission."

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Lemon Pickers Job Ad

LEMON PICKERS NEEDED IN FLORIDA - ONLY US CITIZENS OR LEGAL IMMIGRANTS NEED APPLY       

Ms. Sally Mulligan of Coral Springs , Florida, read it, and decided to apply for one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do. So she submitted her application for a job in a Florida lemon grove, but seemed far too qualified for the job.


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Young man submits a pun for his Harvard application

They tell him that he's a fucking moron and puns aren't funny

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Why don't physicists and Bingo players get along?

They disagree on the application and existence of a free space.

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After almost thirty years of working hard in school, applying myself at college, and training and serving in the Air Force my application to become an Astronaut was rejected.

Turns out my mom was right, if I apply myself the sky's the limit.

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Breaking: Evangelical Christian scientists have devised "a cure for homosexuality"!

One problem: It's a repeat-application suppository

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An Apple employee is getting a job application

Employer: Try to think of a product that begins with "I"
Employee: I can't think of one.
Employer: Good name, you're hired!

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A rotary phone asks his grandson how his first week at school was...

"Terrible! I don't think I'll ever be a smart phone!"

"And why is that?"

"They're really putting me through the ringer!"

It was a tough call to make, but the grandfather filled out an application and transferred him to another school over the hangup.

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A high school student submits his application to Harvard. He doesn't write anything, but instead just pees all over it. What did they say back?

Congratulations, urine!

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Yo mama so ugly...

she walked into a haunted house and came out with a job application!

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Every man wants to know

I always wondered what the job application at Hooters was like....Do they just give you a bra and say, “ Here, fill this out!”

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Dear Tech Support

Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such a


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I went to a new bank in town to open a joint checking account

At one point in the application they ask for the second name on the account.

Apparently the bank did not like my response.

I wrote down, 'Anyone who has a lot of money.'

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I wrote an application that lets a computer simulate sexual interactions

6 GOTO 9
9 GOTO 6

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My job application for the scissors company was declined after the hands-on interview

I just didn't make the cut.

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The bank denied my Mortgage application

I don’t know what the big deal is. I was just asking for a small loan of $1,000,000

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I filled out an application to become a citizen of Finland and I must've been accepted almost instantly

The last button I had to click said Finish

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Being dyslexic has cost me several job application

Try transposing the first and last letters of the word ‘this’ every time you write something

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A Chinese Family decided to apply for U.S. Citizenship

As a requirement to be a U.S citizen they need to change their Chinese names to American Names.

* The oldest child with the name of Hu change to Huck
* The middle child with the name of Lu change to Luck
* The youngest child with the name of Bu change to Buck

But the mother with the name of Su and the father with the name of Fu decided to cancel their applicat


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I have upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0!!!!

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable pro


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What's a Lion's favourite application?

RAR

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I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.

Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"

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The closest a person ever comes to perfection is?

when he fills out a job application form.

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A boy goes into a school for application...

A boy goes into a school for application.

Principal asks: What is your name?

Boy: N-n-n-neil Ph-ph-ph-phillips.

Principal: Are you a stutterer?

Boy: No, sir. My dad was one and the registrar was a son of a bitch!

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Soldier comes back and wants a civillian job

A military veteran is assimilating back to civilian life and begins applying for jobs. He puts in an application with the state hoping for a 9-5 office job with decent benefits. They call him in for an interview.
The interviewer is looking over his application and asks him about his military service. "Yessir," says the vet, "I was stationed in Iraq and then Afghanistan before


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Veteran applies for a government job

A military veteran is assimilating back to civilian life and begins applying for jobs. He puts in an application with the state hoping for a 9-5 office job with decent benefits. They call him in for an interview.

The interviewer is looking over his application and asks him about his military service. "Yessir," says the vet, "I was stationed in Iraq and then Afghanistan


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Why don't SJWs go to college?

Because you have to put Male or Female on the college application

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My eHarmony Application was Rejected

Apparently, "My dick" was not an acceptable answer to question #14: "What do you like most in a woman?"

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Once upon a time, there was a busy piece of gum...

He was very busy. But, one day, he was low on money and needed a job. Se he went to the fast food restaurant to ask for a job. When he got there, he asked the cashier for the job application.

''Hey, can I apply for a job here?'' said the piece of gum.

''Sure,'' said the cashier as he pulled out the application. ''Hey, I ne


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Should I write prison or jail?

Want my application to be perfect

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I just submitted my application to be on the next season of Survivor...

Which apparently was not the answer my dad was looking for when he asked "How is the job search going?"

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How do keep a black family inside?

Nail a job application to the door.... lol

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My cross fit application was was rejected

Bad form

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I think Android application developers are magical.

They’re like open sorcerers.

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What did the banker say to the tongue when he rejected his loan application?

There's no accounting for taste.

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What's the difference between Greece and a good software application?

Greece doesn't have default settings!

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