Applicant

Jokes

In a job interview, the interviewer said: It says here you can calculate large numbers quickly.

Applicant: That's right.
Interviewer: What's 250 times 467?
Applicant: 546320
Interviewer: That's wrong.
Applicant: How about that speed though?

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In his CV, a Job applicant mentioned country of origin as China

That's a red flag.

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An office manager is interviewing an applicant.

He asks the woman if she has any unusual talents. She says she’d actually won a few national crossword puzzle contests. “Sounds good,” the office manager replies, “but we want someone who will be just as intelligent during office hours.”

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“Oh,” says the applicant. “That’s good because that’s when


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A man goes on a job interview.

The interviewer tells him that they are looking to hire someone who is responsible. “Well, I’m your man,” the applicant replies. “At my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

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The Greatest Joke of All Time

A young man named Billy Balderson runs a company called Balderson Boulders LTD. Billy is only 29 years old and started his company exactly 5 years ago to this day at the age of 24. Balderson Boulders LTD sells decorative boulders, which have become en vogue. Billy has made an absolute fortune, launching him into the top 500 rich list, his net worth estimated at over 145 billion dollars. Billy is c


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CIA Entrance Test

3 finalists are in the running for an open CIA agent position. They're in a room awaiting their final evaluation to determine which one of them will get the job.

The first applicant is called into a separate room. There is a gun there and their spouse, seated on a chair. They are told to shoot their spouse, to see how good they are at following orders. After several minutes, the


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Employer: For this job, we need someone responsible.

Applicant: I'm the one you want! In my previous job, whenever anything went wrong, my boss always said I was responsible.

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Job interview

The post office put a sign in the window saying “Wanted: Mail Sorter”. A guy sees the sign and comes in to apply first thing in the morning.

The postmaster said “this is a pretty tough job and I need to see how fast and accurate you are. Come over here to this big pile of mail. Take each letter and sort it into the right slot. I’ll be back at lunch time.


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A job applicant was asked, What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?

“Well,” he began, “my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality—telling what’s real from what’s not.”

“Okay,” said the interviewer. “And what about your strengths?”

“I’m Batman.”

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Interviewer: "Under skills, you listed "great dad" ."

Job applicant: "The best !"

Interviewer: "i haven't seen you in years. i'm not hiring you."

Job applicant: "Please, i need the money, son."

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Why did the dyslexic police academy applicant get shot when he showed up for an interview?

He let the Captain know he was an aspiring POC on his cover letter.

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Fascinate

A man was hiring for a factory, he called in the first applicant from the waiting room and asked him a few questions. Then, for his final question he asked him, "Will you make a sentence with the word 'great'?" The applicant replied after some thought "Oh, I have a leather jacket and I think it's really great!" The boss let him go and called up the next applican


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Saint Peter is seeing all of the new arrivals trying to go through the pearly gates in Heaven.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one.

"I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower.

Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too.I knew she was into some hanky-panky

and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balc


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Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company.

They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions.

The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applican


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A boss tells a blonde applicant

A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?" "In three months."

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So they're at a Job Interview...

And they've gotten to the point where the Job applicant is getting asked the important questions;
**Interviewer:** what would you say is your biggest flaw?

**Candidate:** my biggest flaw is probably that I'm too honest.

**Interviewer:** oh, that doesn't sound like much of a flaw at all

**Candidate:** well I don't give a fuck what yo


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An applicant for the police department has to take one last test at the end of the interview.

The police officer places a gun on the desk and tells him: 'Before you can be hired you have to take this gun and kill two Mexicans three people of color and one puppy.' The applicant is shocked and asks: 'Why do I have to kill a puppy?' To which the officer replies: 'You ask the right questions, you'r hired!'


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Store Applicant

One day a manager at a grocery store was interviewing applicants to take up a position in his store.

He asks one applicant, "Do you have any experience with stocking?"

The applicant replies, "Yes, actually, I have four convictions for that." 

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Grocery Store Applicant

One day a manager at a grocery store was interviewing applicants.

He asks one applicant, "Do you have any experience with stocking?"

The applicant replies, "Yes, I have three convictions for that." 

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NASA Mars Mission

NASA was interviewing professionals they were planning on sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one way trip, the guy would never return to Earth.

The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going.

"One million dollars," the engineer answered. "And I want to donate it


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A job applicant was nervous for his interview

The interviewer asked the first question, "What are your weaknesses?"

The applicant, in his anxiousness, blurted out, "I can never come to work on time, I'm always behind deadlines, I am very disagreeable, I may sleep on the job, my reports would be dreadful..."

About 5 minutes more of this, the interviewer, obviously shaken up, gathered his compo


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Three applicants want a certain job very badly

There are three open positions for the job. The employer takes the applicants to a hallway to give them a trial to see if any of them are worthy of receiving the job. He hands a gun to the first applicant and points to a room in the hallway and says "Your wife is sitting on a chair in that room. If you kill her, I'll give you the job." As soon as the applicant opens the door to the


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How do you think bus driver interviews go?

Applicant: Sorry I'm late!

Interviewer: You're hired!

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Three women applied to work in a bar

The owner asked them, "What would you do if you found some money lying on the floor?"

Applicant 1: I will take it to management immediately for them to investigate who owns the money.

Applicant 2: I will first find the owner of the money myself before I hand it to management.

Applicant 3: I will step on the money so I can hide it with my foot and wh


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"The Last Day"

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a due diligence investigation to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she


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Good day

What happens in Heaven stays in Heaven.....
All arrivals in Heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerised records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.
The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one.
"I came home early and fou


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A CEO, his American employee, and an immigrant applicant are sitting at a table with a box of 20 cookies...

A CEO, his American employee, and an immigrant applicant are sitting at a table with a box of 20 cookies.

The CEO takes 19 cookies, then whispers to the American employee, "Watch out, I think that Mexican is going to try and take your cookie!"

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At work, we just got a resume typed entirely in Comic Sans.

You will be unsurprised to learn that this applicant was... Sans Qualifications.

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A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of manager of a large division...

He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?"

The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was, "Twenty-two".

The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it.&q


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What did the insurance company say to the applicant?

THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!

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Four equally qualified applicants interview for a job position...

...and the interviewer says to them all, "I'm glad you have all made it this far, and honestly I didn't expect all four of you to impress me as much as each of you did. However, you can't all get the job. This final interview will decide who gets the job. I will ask you all the same question, and whoever has the best response gets the job."

All of the applica


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The Canine Applicant


A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying:

HELP WANTED Must be a good typist and be good with a computer. Successful applicant must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

A short time later a lovely golden retriever dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and w


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Applicant : God

Past work experience: seriously?

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CIA Tryouts

So three people are trying out for the CIA and are equally qualified, but the director informs them that there is only one open position. To determine which of the three will get the job, he proposes a solution: Each applicant will bring his or her significant other to an abandoned warehouse on the edge of town that night, where a final test will be administered.

That night, the three


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Job Test Cheater

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company.

They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions.

The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Than


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Three men are at CIA Headquarters for an interview...

At first it's the usual question and answers until each of them are called in to a room one at a time.

The interviewer, to the first applicant, handed the man a gun,pointed at another door, and said, "We need to make sure that you will follow orders no matter what. In the next room you will find your wife. We want you to kill her." The man looks at the gun and shakes


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Exam results

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men had each missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, ‘‘thank you for


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Arriving In Heaven

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she h


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The police chief is interviewing applicants for a detective job.

The chief says to the three applicants "Alright, one of the most important things for a detective is to have good observational skills, so I'm going to give you all a little test. You'll each get a photo to examine for just five seconds, then you have to tell me what you notice about the subject's appearance."

The chief takes the first applicant into a room an


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Clever guy applying for a job, ended up talking about the wages...

Manager: '' So you will start at $15 a hour and later you could earn at least $20 a hour. ''

Applicant: ''Alright then I'll be back later! ''

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I've adapted this from an old joke, I hope you enjoy.

A man was hiring for a factory, he called in the first applicant from the waiting room and asked him a few questions. Then, for his final question he asked him, "Will you make a sentence with the word 'great'?"
The applicant replied after some thought "Oh, I have a leather jacket and I think it's really great!"
The boss let him go and called up the


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Your first job interview

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of business school, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

The applicant answered, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation,


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One Way trip to Mars

NASA was interviewing professionals they were thinking of sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one-way trip, the guy not ever returning to Earth.

The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going. "One million dollars," the engineer answered. "And I want to donate it all to my al


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A monastery's bell ringer died and the monks put an ad in the paper for a new one.

The next day a man comes to the door to apply and he has no arms. The head monk says:

"Sir, how can you ring our bell if you have no arms?"

The applicant replied, "Just give me a chance, take me to the bell tower and I'll show you."

The all get to the bell tower and ask him to show them how he plans to do it. The applicant gets a ru


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A business man was interviewing applicants

...for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two? "
The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two. "
The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm glad we had time to discuss th


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A one-way trip to Mars

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn’t return to Earth.


The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."


The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for


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