Proper finger placement on a keyboard...

... is the difference between a doctor hacking off your appendage.... and a doctor jacking off your appendage.

My sex life got way better after I started naming my appendage after a celebrity

Yes, Handjalina Jolie treats me really well!

Well people have been telling me "Pull it out, Pull it out man", but it hasn't helped my ache.

\*A guy is Walking down the street his hand on his check and moaning.\*

\*A guy passing by notices him an approaches him\*

Passer By: Hey man you ok, why are you moaning?

The guy: Well I've got this terrible toothache that doesn't seem to go away.

Passer By: Well you should get it fixed then.

The Guy: I've tried, what

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What do amputee bears and regular bears have in common?

They both have four legs. (assuming the amputee is missing a different appendage)

What's the difference between 3 dicks and a joke?

3 dicks are human appendages and a joke is not a human appendage.