Have you heard theyve banned accounting in Afghanistan??
Thank You Omen Movies,
Apparently being an orphan by double "suicide" isn't enough to be your Anti-Christ, Satan Dad.
Who knew I had to have a work ethic?
I got called a faggot today...
when I backed the hitch on my truck into the hitch of another guy's truck. Apparently, he didn't like it when our balls touched.
I got fired from my job at a carpet shop
Apparently asking customers "fancy a shag?" is inappropriate ?
Did you know that Paul Revere had sixteen children?
Apparently the British weren't the only ones coming.
My friend's dad quit his job and left his family to go off into the wilderness and pursue a "Spartan lifestyle."
Which apparently just entails banging a bunch of dudes in the woods.
My wife asked me to pick the music for her mother's funeral.
Apparently Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead was not the appropriate song.
I gave 110 to my job. Still got fired.
Apparently you can't accumulate that figure over a ten year period.
Alex Jones is asking, Where were the rest of the sweathogs last night? Jeffrey Epstein apparently hung him self with a rubber hose.
My FBI agent just left me.
Apparently I'm too clingy.
Have you heard of the Spanish inquisitors who suddenly disappeared during an "interview"?
Apparently, they had found a real witch.
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail,
but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
I can't stand working on roofs
Apparently I have truss issues
Whats the hardest thing about being an anti-vaxxer?
Apparently, keeping it to yourself.
And the mumps.
(NSFW) Apparently my roommate ate some good pussy last night.
I’m going to miss Mittens. Fuck you Chum Le.
I was forced to stop my refreshment stand
Apparently people had issue with the name - Fuck the Juice
Apparently it's no longer PC to describe my car as being "nippy"...
I have to say it was "made in Japan" instead :/
I dressed up as a woman for a day just to see what they go through on a daily basis...
apparently women get called faggot A LOT.
So my high school which is Columbine had a fancy dress party yesterday and I was suspended when I turned up to it.
Apparently dressing up like Neo from The Matrix was really offensive and inappropriate.
Apparently my weather app thinks 3-4 inches of snow is a "flurry".
Well, I'm going to give my girlfriend a flurry of dick tonight!
So I went to a super rich hotel and apparently they have code names for everything...
So I asked for an extra pillow and got a prositute
Now I have two prositutes and not enough pillows
Just got fired from my lawn maintence job.
Apparently I just wasn't cutting it.
Did you hear about the guy whose Spanx were so tight that his butt looked like a full moon?
Apparently he was suffering from Lycranthropy.
When my dad got a genetic test, he told me he learned a few things. Apparently I have a little Italian in me.
So I got an X-ray and had the lil guy removed. I carry him around in my shirt pocket.
Apparently, when you supply Human Resources with a urine sample...
... it has to be because they requested it
My dad with arthritis was arrested for falling down while on a jog.
Apparently you can't roll joints in public spaces yet.
A serial killer bought a speedboat called The Loose
Apparently he's unstoppable, he's still on The Loose.
I went to my parents house and it looked like there was a power outage
Apparently my father told my mother she needs to go on a light diet.
Apparently the BBC can pay me less than minimum wage
But they said the camera adds ten pounds
I leaned into the mic and said: Apparently, if you're the smartest person in the room, you shouldn't be there
Anyways thanks for attending my TedTalk thats all from me I have to go
The two girls both named Riya looked at me with disgust as I greeted them today
apparently di-hi-riya wasn't a right way to say hi to both of them.
F in the chat bois.
Apparently Spiderman went so far from home that he won't be returning back anymore.
I lost my job the other day for storing vegetables in the grocery section.
Apparently you have to know the proper terminology when you work in a hospital.
My son has adorable little baby hands
It was all over the news, apparently he took them from an open casket funeral
I lost my job at the butchers.
Apparently, asking someone if he's an ass or tits guy...
isn't a substitute for "what meat would you like?"
My girlfriend asked me "if I was a vegetable, what would I be"?
Apparently the answer she was looking for was "a Cute cumber", not "single"...whoops
My gender studies teacher asked how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently 1080p wasn't the right answer.
Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 90 seconds.
I did not last more than a day as a teacher in Spanish-American school for mentally challenged
An icecream man has just been found dead covered in sprinkles with a flake up his arse..
Apparently he topped himself.
A man waved at me, so I waved him back but apparently he was waving at a woman behind me, so I kept my hand up and stopped a taxi that took me to the airport.
I am now in Ireland starting a new life
Someone stole my Microsoft Office Suite.
Apparently, the wrong people got Access from my computer.
Apparently Kim Jong Un supervised the testing of a new missile weapon system.
I don't know, but it seems quite dangerous to have missiles being fired Un-supervised.
I got caught wearing women's underwear...
Apparently if you want to keep your hands warm, sticking them down woman's underwear is not the answer.
A study shows that 100 of Redditors have a sexual experience, in their life.
Apparently, everyone in here, just circlejerks everyone else.
An insane Harvard research study just proved that when ants are tripping on LSD, they can't get heartburn.
Apparently it works as an antacid.
Apparently, someone has been shot with a starter pistol at the athletics track.
Police think it was race related.
I'm very good with bad jokes
Apparently nobody gets it.
My girlfriend was setting up two factor authentication and it asked for her favorite mobile device.
Apparently "Hitachi wand" isn't a good choice.
Cannibals hold a grudge.
I was invited to attend a cannibal banquet, but showed up late. Apparently they were pissed because all I got was the cold shoulder.