Apology

Jokes

I went to get my hair cut today

But there were so many in front of me.

After an hour the manager started to hand out hot dogs and burgers as an apology for the long wait.

It was the Best Barber Queue ever!!

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A misunderstanding in a mental hospital

A doctor in a mental hospital makes an apology to a patient: "You can go now. We are so sorry for this misunderstanding, I regret that we did not check your ID, Mr. Pope."

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Im sorry

Sorry about this. I am really really sorry if my rendering of this apology offended you. I am so very sorry.

​

oh sorry about that. I am thinking of migrating to Canada and wanted to practice the language

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What do you call someone who is rude but then gives you chocolate as an apology?

A Willy Wanker.

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My midget neighbour is really mad at me because I just can't stop taking the piss.

Hi Ho him an apology, I think.

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Joan Collins forced to flee fire:

The funeral director has had to make a formal apology as he could have sworn she was dead.

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A lawyer and a United Way officer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you did not give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The


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A birth certificate is basically an apology from the condom factory.

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What did the Canadian who was interested in human history get his college degree in?

Anthr-apology

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When The Left always demands apologies from The Right...

Still waiting for the The Left's first apology.

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If you major in anthropology....

You owe your parents an apology.

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The condom factory sent a couple an letter of apology.

It was a birth certificate.

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Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly working to produce oxygen so you can breathe.

I think you owe it an apology

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A man comes home from the bar..

He has thrown up on himself.

His wife is furious with him and tells him if he ever gets throwing-up drunk again she is leaving him.

Two nights later he is in a bar, legless. He throws up on himself.

"OH SHIT! My wife's gonna leave me this time!" He says to his mate.

His mate says "Nah, you'll be fine. Trick is when you ge


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After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:

"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bombing and violence."

OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop


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1989: Cop:"Do you have a penis? Suspect:"Yes" Cop:"Thats all I need to know"

2018: Cop: "Do you have a penis?" Cop loses job. Now Ex cop Loses house and life is ruined. City is sued. Mayor issues public apology. Police department issues public apology. Entire police department forced to undergo sensitivity training. Video goes viral. Famous people threaten to move to Canada


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Birth certificate.


You birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

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How do you know when your house has been robbed by a Canadian?

When there's a handwritten note of apology on your doorstep.

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I did something stupid in work, and I wanted to apologise and explain to my boss why I did it. Without even looking at me he said 'any apology with a "but" in it is no apology at all'. So I said ...

..."Fine! I'm not sorry my dick is in your butt "

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What is a group of Canadians called?

Apology.

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Blonde joke

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology. “You keep out of th


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What do you call a group of Canadians?

An apology

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A ventriloquist is performing...

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb\-blonde joke when a young platinum\-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology. “Yo


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The rude professor.

A biology professor in Italy was giving an anatomy class. "The largest penis was discovered in an archeological finding in rome". Two or three offended female students get up to leave. The professor says "hey girls" The female students turn around in a egotistical manner expecting an apology. The professor than promptly exclaims " the train to rome left an hour ago".


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The worst way to start a battered womens charity dinner

Is with an apology

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We're going to need to re-elect Obama once Trump is done...

to go on an apology tour.

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We are going to need to re-elect Obama once Trump is done...

to go on an apology tour.

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"My bad" is an apology in all circumstances....

.....except at a funeral.

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"My bad" is an apology for all circumstances...

[deleted]

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My high school bully, Drew, recently reached out to me with a heartfelt apology. I found out later that it wasn't actually him, it was one of his friends on his phone.

I should have known it was too good to be Drew.

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What do you call a group of Canadians?

An apology

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That Darned Auto-Correct

A man sends a text to his next-door neighbor: “Bob, I’m sorry. I’ve been riddled with guilt for some time & I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you’re not around, probably more than you. I know it’s no excuse but I don’t get it at home. I can’t live with the guilt any longer. I hope you’ll accept my sincerest apolo


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A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbour:

“ Bob, I’m sorry. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you’re not around, probably more than you. I know it’s no excuse but I don’t get it at home. I can’t live with the guilt any longer. I hope you’ll accept my sincerest apology. It won’t happen again.”

Feeling outr


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Ryan Lochte's first draft of his apology statement...

"Hi guys, my bad. Apologies to the people of Argentina. Jeah!"

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What do you call an apology boner?

A Pard-On

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Generous lawyer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?&q


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I made you brownies

Me - I made you apology brownies.

Her - Oh... I don't like chocolate.

Me - I know, I'm not that sorry.

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What do you get when you throw a Canadian down a flight of stairs?

An apology.

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I just found out they have Canadian Jeopardy

It's almost the same, only your answers must be in the form of an apology.

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Lawyer Joke

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give s


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You're so ugly...

your birth certificate is a letter of apology.

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What's your birth certificate?

An apology from the condom factory!

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Pathan sends his neighbour, Santa Singh an SMS

A Pathan sends a text to his next-door neighbor who happens to be Santa Singh

"Salam Mr Singh, Sorry yaar. I am ashamed and I have to tell you somethng. Hope you will forgive me: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at my house. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I


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Why did North Korea tell South Korea not to crow about the recent agreement?

Because they'd rather see them raven.



Obligatory apology: saw a headline and couldn't resist.

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Is it considered sexual assault to masturbate while cyber bullying?

If so, I owe a pretty heartfelt apology to some members of PlaystationNetwork.

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Lawyer joke

The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from
the city's most successful lawyer.So a volunteer paid the lawyer a
visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by
saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is many millions of dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't
you like to gi


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Ellen Pao's Apology

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Ellen Pao's apology.

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Ellen Pao's apology

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Reddit CEO Ellen Pao's "apology"

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