Anxiety

Jokes

I get really bad anxiety when driving over bridges.

My therapist says I have truss issues.

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I just bought underwater headphones and its made me loads faster.

Do you know how motivating it is swimming to the theme song from Jaws? I mean my anxiety is through the roof but record times

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To everyone out there suffering from anxiety

You are not alone there's someone behind you

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My doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation

I'm worried shitless

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My collection of meta knock knock jokes (on mobile so bad formatting)

Knock knock|who's there|hallucinations| hallucinations who? | (Walk away)
|||knock knock|who's there|sudden anxiety attack|sudden anxiety attack who?|Sorry am I talking too much?
||| Knock knock|Who's there|Your inability to focus|your inability to focus who|(mouth the words your inability to focus making me quiet but don't actually say it)


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Anxiety is like a roller coaster

*Makes a decision.
Think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Say it out loud.

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To everyone out there suffering from anxiety: you are not alone.

There's someone behind you.

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I am nervous about getting into college, you have to talk to so many people and be involved...

You know what I am majoring in? I am majoring in anxiety.

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I was stressed and unhappy with my life, so I moved to Los Angeles

Now I have SoCal anxiety

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I actually had anxiety for so long I went to a psychiatrist. And I said to the guy, 'I'm constantly anxious. What do I do?'

He told me I had obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I was shocked. I had to call him nine times to make sure he was certain.

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I dropped one of my anxiety seeds a while ago

It’s a growing concern

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Went to the therapist today and she said I could benefit from CBT therapy

I'm still trying to figure out how cock and ball torture is going to help my anxiety

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Why was six afraid of seven?

Because six has anxiety.

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All these people with their service dogs, anxiety medication, and snowflake consensus rules

Back in my day we had domestic violence, beer, and cocaine, we didn't need any of that pussy shit.

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I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.

My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.

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I've just discovered the cure to Social Anxiety!

Social Security.

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Hey, Fellow people with social anxiety, want to meet up tomorrow?

Oh wait, I greatly apologise but I can't make it.

I am very busy, shit

Maybe another time.

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Anyone else with social anxiety want to meet up tomorrow?

Oh, wait, shit, I can't make it. I'm too busy.

Sorry.

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Once they were worriers

But now they’ve got a handle on their anxiety.

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"Y'know, I like to think I'm a bit like BoJack Horseman."

"Oh yeah, how?"

"I have crippling anxiety, depression, addicted to opioids and 1200 lbs."

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Nothing gives me more anxiety than riding shotgun through a mountain underpass.

Think I've got Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.

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I have a great joke about social anxiety.

Who am I kidding? You'll hate it.

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My doc gave me these new anxiety pills he calls anti-viagra, and they really work...

I don't give a fuck.

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My friend, Francesca, had a small parasite under her skin and she was absolutely distraught with anxiety about it.

She was Frantic.

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New science results - UpVotes reduce peoples social anxiety...

They feel much karma

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MARIJUANA PRESCRIPTION

I have a prescription for marijuana in Los Angeles. It's for anxiety -- primarily anxiety for getting arrested for marijuana.

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The Sniper Friend

Two best friends meet up at the bar to have a chat. Bob is a businessman who often goes on trips for work and the Harry is a retired sniper. After having a few drinks Harry could tell something was wrong. “You ok Bob”? “Not really man, can you do me a favor? I think my wife is cheating on me while I am gone. Do you think you can look into my bedroom with your rifle to see if she


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What do you get when you cross anxiety meds with an ancient shark and a penis?

A Mogolodong.

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Knock knock

Who’s there?
-All the American subreddits
All the American subreddits CALL THE COPS I HAVE ANXIETY

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I have the three Ds

Depression, anxiety, and dyslexia.

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My doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation

Now I’m worried shitless

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My roommate couldnt remember whether he took his anti anxiety medication or not.

I said, “Are you worried about it?”

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Why Did The Mexican Immigrant Take Xanax?

He Had Borderline Anxiety.

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I once dreamed of being in Snow White and Seven Dwarfs, but my social anxiety and wartime PTSD ruined it for me.

One of the dwarfs to me, "Can you please stop fidgeting?"

Needles to say, my defense mechanism triggered and I shot him and said, "Can you please stop midgeting"

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My dyslexic brother-in-law eats shellfish for anxiety...

He says it clams him down.

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A list of the worlds most popular drugs and their (long term) effects.

\- Nicotine: you create a need for a need that wasn't a need in the first place, did you really need that?

\- Alcohol: suddenly you think it's funny insulting everyone, including yourself, enjoy the liver stings and the dance with death

\- Marihuana: some say it isn't addictive but if you're a long term daily user I dare you to quit now, good night,


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Cannibas is effective at managing anxiety symptoms in people suffering from acrophobia,

Again proving it's a great way to get high.

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Why do so many dogs have anxiety?

They have ruff lives.

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My friend with anxiety needed something so he was confident enough to hit the town, so I offered him some cocaine...

Luckily it’s working! I’ve just spent the last 5 minutes watching him punch a lamppost.

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What happens when a pimp has an anxiety attack?

He gets uncontrollable thots.

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My therapist has finally figured out why my guitar is responsible for my anxiety disorder.

It has too many frets.

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Earlier today I got diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder.

It's really SAD.

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There was a gentleman living in a small village

Who had a stomach disorder that required him to drink the milk of a nursing mother.

Well, there weren't too many women in the village nursing babies and even fewer who would agree to allow a grown man to suck on their breast. But low and behold, the poor man finally found a rather buxom young girl who had recently given birth and was willing to help him out--for a price.


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I've been having some separation anxiety recently, and my Jamaican psychiatrist recommended that I bend an old pen around my finger as an exercise in self-assurance

Worked like a charm, I really feel like I am in de pen dent

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There was a bit of anxiety at the airport as there was a rainstorm at the destination

But the pilots could handle it. They were on a long flight, so they killed time with casual conversation. They were good friends so conversation naturally went well.

After a 16 hour flight, they began to descend, when all of a sudden one pilot began getting short and upset with his responses.

The other pilot caught on and asked what was wrong, his friend replies
<


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Why didnt Stephen Hawking confess his love to his favorite nurse?

Because of his crippling anxiety

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Little Johnny was 7 years old nsfw

When he was caught having sex with his teacher.

He arrived home to find his mother irate.
"Go to your room, and wait for your father to get home!" She screamed.

Johnny waited in his room, grinding his teeth, seeping with anxiety for a couple hours when he heard his fathers footsteps.

"Come with me." His father ordered calmly, and led


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I was supremely anxious

which is anxiety with all the toppings.

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Whats the emotional equivalent of speed balling

Anxiety and depression.

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What do you call a man with a sword and severe anxiety?

A worrier.

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