Answer

Jokes

Why did the wild Australian dog have no answer when he was asked if the party was good?

Because he dingo.

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As humankind advanced, it started to take its toll on nature. People started asking god questions about how to protect earth from the all consuming avarice of mankind.

So God put the answer in Cancer. And when we asked for help, he provided us with AIDS.

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62 of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital Loo-uh-vul, while 38 say Loo-ee-ville.

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

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What do you get when you mix soap with formaldehyde?

Is it poisonous? Please answer fast, my hands are feeling numb.

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You're hungry. In the fridge there is a bag of bread, jar of jam, a can of tuna, and some milk. To answer the riddle, what do you open first?

This thread!

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Elis can answer and explain a vast infinite amount of questions and curiosities...

Shame he can't figure out why people keep mispelling his name whenever someone wants to ask him something!

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If my inlaws break a bylaw, does it make them outlaws?

Would any lawyer be in a preposition to answer this one for me?

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A female witness is being questioned during a trial

"Did you have sex with the defendant in New York?"

"I refuse to answer that question!"

"Did you have sex with the defendant in Miami?"

"I refuse to answer that question!"

"Did you have sex with the defendant in Chicago?"

"I refuse to answer that question!"

"


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A man who was born with three testicles

Was extremely proud and conceited with what he regarded as the equivalent of winning the genetic lottery, in an act to flaunt and put to shame others he would sit regularly outside of his house and ask each passerby.

Man: do you know the sum of your balls and mine.
Passerby (perplexed) : what???? What the hell are you talking about?
Man: just answer me dude, what would be


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What does the dog say when he sees his favorite Star Trek character?

Seriously, do I have to answer this?

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What will Thanos do if he is getting bullied

Answer: Thanos finally snapped but his bully is too big and fat that he had to clap

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I asked my husband if I looked fat

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What question is there no wrong answer to?

Do you want to do a rape roleplay?

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Question answer

​

Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle?

A: Because his wife died!

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A man who was born with three testicles

Was extremely proud and conceited with what he regarded as the equivalent of winning the genetic lottery, in an act to flaunt and put to shame others he would sit regularly outside of his house and ask each passerby.

Man: do you know the sum of your balls and mine.
Passerby (perplexed) : what???? What the hell are you talking about?
Man: just answer me dude, what would be


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An old man was speeding down the road and a police officer was behind him.

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Another clean cake day joke

Boss asks Mutuku, Mutuku how do you get it right for 30 years of bringing me coffee every morning without spilling it?

Mutuku's answer, before I climb up the stairs I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back.

Mutuku's funeral is on Monday.

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So if 42 is the answer to life...

Does that mean 420 is 10x better than life?

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Back in the 90s Id prank call people from an unblocked landline and whenever they 69ed me, Id answer with, nice.

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Violence is never the answer.

Unless the question is : What is never the answer?

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Why does this joke make no sense?

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My girlfriend asked me "if I was a vegetable, what would I be"?

Apparently the answer she was looking for was "a Cute cumber", not "single"...whoops

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My gender studies teacher asked how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently 1080p wasn't the right answer.

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A husband notices his wifes hearing is getting worse and decides to visit her doctor for advice.

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A man did not come home last night and his wife got suspicious.

The wife was angry. The man then said:" Ask me any question and I'll answer honestly."

The wife asked:" What were you doing last night?"

The man answered :" Honestly."

Legend says the man is now single

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How do I become a Man?

My friend said that his son asked him "How does he become a man, is there a specific procedure or you just become one?"

To which he jokingly replied "Well I don't know, it just happened that when I was drilling your mum, she moaned you're the man and that's that"

Now he regrets his answer...


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I got caught wearing women's underwear...

Apparently if you want to keep your hands warm, sticking them down woman's underwear is not the answer.

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How to flatter a man.

Some gals I know recently asked how to flatter a man. I thought maybe some of my fellow redditors would have some ideas.

One of my suggestions was:

"Don't be too easy, a man likes a bit of a challenge. But if you are easy, and he notices, admit that you're suprised, because you're usually so shy with men, but with him, you just can't resist."


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Mike Wazowski opened a door to middle earth while working

Sauron still exists and same with the ring of course. So Mike wanders around and sees he's in The Shire. Now these hobbits haven't seen a monster before and are terrified. They are all screaming "Monster" and "massive green pea" and whatever due to him being scary to them since they haven't seen a pea this big.

He tries to calm them down by saying &q


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A woman dies and finds herself at the gates to haven.

When she gets there, she is confused as she saw how many others are standing and sitting outside, cracking eggs, mixing batter, and baking something.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.

Finally, she seems to recognize someone who appears to be in charge. Sh


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John F. Kennedy: "Ask not what your country can do for you...

...cause you won't like the answer!"

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The Lying Game

This is less a joke and more a way to make some dingus you know look silly. Sorry if it doesn't belong here.

Joker: Have you ever played the lying game?

Dingus: No. What is it?

Joker: Oh, it's simple. I ask you five questions and all you have to do is answer with a lie to each one. If you tell the truth, you lose. You wanna play?

Dingus


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Insert phone ringing sounds

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So a zebra dies and goes to heaven.

Upon reaching heaven the zebra is met by St. Peter who tells him, "Zebra, you have led a good life so I will allow you into heaven and as a bonus you may ask any question you can think of."
So the zebra ponders for a moment and says "ever since I've been born there is a question that has been bothering me... am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with whit


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A true story about my grandad

I remember we used to think my grandad was autistic or some kind of idiot savant. He left school at 14 with no qualifications, worked for 50 years as a coal miner, never read a book in his life but whenever you asked him anything, no matter how crazy or obscure he always had the answer. Then we got the internet and realised he was just a lying old bastard.


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What's the difference between women and Reddit...

There is none. When you're searching for a straight answer all you get is a bunch of off topic rambling.

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How many accountants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?

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Vodka isnt always the answer

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"I'll take 'Dirty Jokes' for $600, Alex."

Alex Trebek: "Answer, $20 just like downtown."

(ding)


Contestant: "What is a hand-job?"

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Ms. Jenkins was asking multiplication questions to fourth grade students. It was Toby's turn...

Ms. Jenkins asked, "Toby, what's five times five?" Toby found the question hard and after thinking about it for a minute he said "I think it's 25!" Ms. Jenkins was disappointed. She said "Toby dear, you are old enough. You shouldn't think to answer this question." Toby replied, "Well then, I don't think it's 25."


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Why are you not answering the phone?

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When arguing with one's wife, it's best to have a default answer ready.

"Default is mine."

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Answers

Before starting the final exam in college, an instructed told his class. Should you have any questions during the exam, just raise BOTH your hands. This should cause enough blood to flow to your brain so you can answer it yourself.

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China invented a pen that vibrates when you wright a wrong answer on a test





That pen and I would be dancing like crazy during exams

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(Ask in a pirates voice) "WHAT IS A PIRATES FAVORITE LETTERRRRRR??"

(some people will answer back in a pirates voice:) ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH

(you reply in your best pirates voice:) NOOOOOO.... IT'S THE SEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


My kid told me this one!!

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A joke I made when I was in Elementary

The teacher asked the class "How do you know the book is going to be interesting?"

I responded with "You read the last page, and see if the ending satisfies you." The whole class bursted with laughter.

Anyways, the answer to the teachers question was "blurb."

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If Jesus is the answer....

It's a pretty stupid question.

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Why didnt the groom answer his phone?

He was engaged

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A young lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street today and asked me "How do you view lesbian relationships?"

Judging by her reaction, "in HD" wasn't the answer she expected.

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How do you answer to a transgender that's higher in order thatn you?

Sir yes Ma'am!

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