Angry

Jokes

Me and my best friend had an argument yesterday

So, I stole his wheelchair because I was angry at him.

You'll never guess who came crawling back

[Note: I don't mean anyone anything by this. It's just a joke. Please don't get offended]

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What is the difference between an angry circus owner and a roman barber ?

One is a raving showman, and the other one is a shaving roman.

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What do you call it when someone starts acting like an angry center divider?

They're in mean median mode.

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An angry mother started bashing her neighbor's door in, the confused man opened the door and asked her what was wrong...

"Your son has been playing doctor with my daughter" she sobbed...

The man gave her an awkward smile "My little Timmy is becoming a man, I'm so sorry, you know boys and their hormones..."

The woman started screaming at him and hitting him with her bag "What do hormones have to do with your son removing my daughter's appendix with power to


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His and Hers rules. (Must read ALL the rules)

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My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction.

One day, I got so angry at this, I packed my stuff and right.

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If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN...

They become VERY ANGRY.

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Americans really get angry about politicians not paying taxes...

but they forget that their country is independent because some politicians didn't want to pay taxes.

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Every time my wife got angry with me, I would just close my eyes.

To be honest, I couldn't see the divorce coming.

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My brain, my tastebuds and my stomach were very happy about the decision to eat a lot of spicy food last night. But my butt seems very angry that it was not consulted about it.

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I saw Richard Gere in town and asked for his autograph. He suddenly got angry and told me to get lost.

I said, "Geez! What crawled up *your* ass and died?"

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If my gf pisses me off

I would beat the fuck out of her in bed. It's called angry sex.

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A young man wakes up one night and jumps into bed with his grandmother...

Half an hour later, his father catches them in the act, and unsurprisingly begins beating him. "Now wait a minute," shouts the son. "All this time you've been screwing my mother without a word from me, yet you're getting angry when you catch me just *once* on top of yours?"


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It's been a bit of a strange day...

First I found a hat full of money... Then I got
chased down the road by an angry man with a
guitar?

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How do you make a zombie angry?

Fee them a Trump Supporter.

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A friend of mine told me that he was gonna tell me the best joke I've ever listened

He started telling the joke and instead of saying the punchline he asked me to fill in the punchline at the end of the joke. I got Angry , and I punched him in the face. He yelled
Hey, that punch was out of line.

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I recently ordered a thesaurus online.

When it arrived, it was blank. I literally have no words to describe how angry I am.

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Video games never made me angry or want to hurt people.

Working in customer service already did that.

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How do you make a Portugese angry?

Edit: How do you make someone from Spain-Lite angry?

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The Australian at the big apple

An Australian tourist comes to visit New York. As he walks one of the streets in Manhattan, he crosses the road without looking and almost runs over. The angry driver yells at him: "Hey, moron, did you come here to die?" And the Australian replies "No sir, actually I came here yesterday"!


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Well you know what they say about the angry doctor that only treats midgets...

He has very little patients.

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The first time my wife saw my crooked cock, she got so angry

She got all bent out of shape about it

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I'm a mellow 6'3"...

Meaning if someone smaller is angry and I'm not I get the hell out their way.

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Some random dude bodyslammed me at a rave and almost broke my back

He was angry that I didn't take my hat off when 009 Sound System's Dreamscape started playing.

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Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato is walking down the road.

Baby tomato starts to lag behind. Papa tomato becomes angry, goes upto Baby tomato, squeeze it and says, "Catch Up"

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Ladies- if you realize youre angry because of your period, ....

would that be considered an ovary-action?

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My girlfriend always gets angry...

A man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for some whiskey. He drinks it in one gulp, then asks for some more. The bartender pours him another shot, but again, the man drinks it in one gulp. This goes on for 6 more times, and the Bartender finally stops to ask the man what's wrong.

Man: 'My girlfriend always gets angry when I say shit or cunt."

Bartend


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Nudist jokes

1.Wife to husband : if you don't buy me new clothes I am going to start running the streets naked. What will the neighbors think? Husband to wife : that I married you for your money . 2. Friend: why did you break up with that nudist fellow you were dating? Me: he wanted us to start seeing too much of one another 3. h: my wife caught a peeping Tom last night and she'


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Why do cavemen never get angry?

They're no-mads.

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My sexy Latina neighbor accused me of stealing her underwear and got so angry she hit me with a baseball bat

I was so scared I almost shat in her pants

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What do you call an angry German?

*A Sauerkraut*

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What do you call an angry German?

*a Sauerkraut

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Japanese Guy in the Foreign Exchange

He hands over his yen and the guy gives him some dollars. He says "No, no, you give me more dollar."

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The guy says "That's the exchange rate."

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The Japanese guy says "Last week I give you same Yen and you gave me more dollar."

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The guy sa


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"Go make me a sandwich" I told the girl in front of me, and an angry feminist mob came and beat me up

I swear it, that's the last time I go to a Subway

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My wife was angry and told me to respect her because she popped out my kids...

I told her, I popped them out first. So respect me.

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Secret of a successful marriage!

An old man married for 52 years was asked by his neighbor about the secret for his successful marriage.

The old man stated that on the night of his marriage, he and his newly wed bride had decided that if one of them ever got angry with the other, they would settle the issue peacefully.

So if the husband got angry with the wife, she would stay in the kitchen until his a


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The Little Kid and The Bus Driver

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver.

The little kid starts yelling, " If my dad was bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."

The bus driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continued with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant"

The kid went on wit


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What a strange morning. First I find a hat full of money on the street and then I get chased by an angry guy with a guitar!

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My coworker fell down the stairs.

Me: "You should be a angry while in pain."

CW: "Why's that?"

Me: "That way you can be butt hurt while your butt hurts."

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What type of people never get angry?

The nomads.

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Barack obama

mr obama stole my 2009 toyota corolla cheeky bastard AHHHHH IM ANGRY thank you for listening gru from minions is 14ft tall

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Debates on social media in 2019

person 1: *posts status, sharing their opinion and asking others to share their opinion*

me: I don’t agree with your opinion, here’s why I feel the way that I do

person 1: *bashes me for my opinion*

me: *breathes*

**battle song begins & keyboard warriors unite**

person 2 on their friendlist: Y U nO agree¿ <


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My mom got angry on our vacation in Chile

I told her to Chile.

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"Peter," said Jesus, "you are my rock." Peter looked angry...

"I really wish you'd stop taking me for granite!"

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Two lawyers walk into a pub

They order a couple of drinks and take subs out of their brief cases. They begin to eat.

Seeing this, the angry publican exclaims, " Excuse me but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!"

The two look at each other, shrug, then exchange sandwiches.

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What two things are the same for black people?

Killing black people and the N-word they do it all the time and get really angry when white people join in.

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This is a story about a man. His wife has told him that if he ever comes home drunk she will leave him.

Nonetheless he goes out. He drinks a lot and throws up all over himself. He turns to his friend and asks what he can do. His friend is helpful.

“Go home,” he says. “Tell your wife someone threw up on you. And put a twenty pound note inside your jacket pocket. Show her the money and tell her the other man gave it to you for the dry cleaning bill.”

S


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Once upon a time there was an eccentric general.

He used to go berserk if people called him by his full name.
One day, at the camp a soldier served him food and wished him a happy meal.
The general was furious and ordered that the soldier be killed.

What did the soldier say that made the general ao angry?

- Napolean Bon Apetit!

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What is salt?

Angry sugar

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If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN...

They become VERY ANGRY.

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