Amputation

Jokes

I hated the amputation ward.

Let's just say I'm never stepping foot in there again.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Ive been trying to come up with an amputation joke for the past 30 minutes.

I’m stumped.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I just paid for a double, left side, amputation.

It cost me an arm and a leg.

I’m all right now.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A little boy was spinning a coat hanger with a hook

His family was poor and couldn't afford a glass eye so they made him a wooden one. He was picked on all his life for his eye and became very shy. In his last year of high school his mother was distressed he was a loner so she made him go to the last dance.
Sitting on a bench, by the wall all night he spotted a girl across the room sitting on a bench with a amputation below the knee whi


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Man can't get his leg back after amputation.

Doctor: Unfortunately, we can't give you your amputed leg back.

Me: I want it, it's my right.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the worst part about amputation?

It cost a arm and a leg.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the successful comedian lose his job after a car accident?

It caused amputation of both his arms and lost his funny bone

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man visits India and meets a pretty lady.

He goes the whole way, but soon after returning to Britain, he discovers a nasty red mark on his little one. A little troubled he goes to see a doctor: -This has to be an amputation, I'm afraid. The man refuses and insists on a second opinion. After visiting another doctor and being told the same thing he decides to go to Germany for another opinion. Unfortunately, the german doctors all say


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Amputation costs around $30,000 - $60,000

That's like an arm and a leg!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I had to get an amputation on my hand recently. It came as a surprise.

I wish the doctor could have told me, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A doctor unnecessarily cut off a mans leg

It was a baloney amputation

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

It's sad, really.

I've seen less of my dad since the amputation.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Amputation is Expensive

It costs an arm and a leg.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A Vietnam veteran come back home after his tour of duty...

only to find out he has some kind of exotic STD. His dick burns when he pisses and has lumps and bumps on it that are red, green, blue and purple. He goes to the V.A. hospital and the doctor says he's never seen anything like it, but he's pretty sure he's going to have to amputate.

"Fuck that" the vet says, "I'm going to a real doctor".


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Doctor says I need an amputation, but I can't afford it..

It'll cost me an arm and a leg.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Medical prices these days are ridiculous

Why, something as simple as an amputation costs an arm and a leg.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why will Donald Trump never have an amputation?

Because you can't stump the Trump.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I had a failed amputation...

Costed me an arm and a leg.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man with a severe infection in his leg is rushed to the hospital

The Doctor takes one look at the leg and says to the surgeon to amputate the leg.

After a successful amputation, the Doctor comes in to take a look at the patient. The Doctor explodes in anger. "You've cut off the wrong leg!!" He fires the surgeon and performs the next amputation himself.

Well, after losing both of his legs, the man is considerably upset.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Gherkin Flu

This guy spends a wild week on holiday hitting brothels and the like and after a few days back home realises he over did it as his big end is green. He goes to see a doctor who makes a fatal STI diagnosis and says the best chance of long term survival is complicated and expensive amputation of his genitalia - balls and all. Naturally, he goes for several second opinions and all seem to indicate hi


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Hear about the state-of-the-art amputation device?

All I know is it's pretty cutting edge...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Husband send a text to his wife

Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possib


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the most expensive surgery?

Double amputation, it costs an arm and a leg.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Vietnam veteran comes back from a tour of duty...

only to find out he has some kind of exotic STD. his dick burns when he pisses and has lumps and bumps on it that are red, green, blue and purple. He goes to the V.A. hospital and the doctor says he's never seen anything like it, but he's pretty sure he's going to have to amputate.

"Fuck that" the vet says, "I'm going to a real doctor".
<


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man gets home from sex trip in Thailand...

and realizes his penis became green and it hurts badly when he touches it. So he goes to consult a doctor.
Doctor: "Hm, yeah, that's a severe illness you got there. The only way to deal with this is amputation."
The man freaks out, screaming an cursing the doctor for suggesting the unspeakable. So he consults another doctor, and another, and even the fourth doctor gives


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you hear about the failed anti-amputation vaccine?

It worked fine, but it cost an arm and leg.....

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Best amputation jokes?

Friend has bone cancer, may be getting an arm amputated. We have run "I'd give my left arm" and "Single-handedly" puns into the ground, and we need more amputation jokes.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you hear about the daredevil amputation doctor?

They say he’s a real wrist-taker!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE