Alter

Jokes

Why does a catholic priest wear a holy dress?

To hide the alter boy underneath.

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In a mythical world, a priest made out of vegetables stepped up to the alter..

“Lettuce pray. “

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Two alter boys are fishing on a dock...

One of the boys gets a bite and struggles to reel him in. When he finally gets the best of the fish, he snatches him up and proclaims to the other alter boy "Look at this big sum bitch!" The other alter boy says "You can't say that you're an alter boy" to which he explains "that's the name of the fish, sum bitch." "Wow, well that is a big sum bitch


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I'm an alter-boy sitting alone with a priest.

I didn't think of a punchline, but I'm sure it will come to me.

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How do you get a Nun pregnant?

Dress her like an alter boy

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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Get the Alter Boy to fart in her pussy.

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Guy 1: Hey, do you remember the time you ditched your fiance at the alter?

Guy 2: I can't say I do...

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A man gets a blow job from a woman at work.

Feeling guilty, he runs to the nearest church looking to confess his sins. He checks the confessional but the priest is nowhere to be found. He sees an alter boy and thinks maybe he’ll know what punishment the priest usually gives for infidelity.

He approaches the alter boy and says “Hey kid, what does the priest give for a blow job?”

The alter boy res


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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an alter boy.

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Why did the catholic priest get the alter boys to sit in the snow?

So he could have a couple cold ones to slurp back after a hard days work.

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Executives at Monsanto have announced an initiative to genetically alter deer for increased movement speed.

Those assholes will do anything to make a quick buck

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How do you get a nun pregnant

Dress her like an alter boy.

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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her as an alter boy

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A priest is absolving sins in the confessional when suddenly he has to shit.

He peaks his head out and knows he can’t hold it. The janitor is nearby and waves him over. The priest says, “please, you just need to sit here and give the corresponding answer to each sin. He bolts off.
The janitor hears a couple people out and he gives out some Hail Marys. Then one man walks in and says, “father, I am beside myself. Not only did I cheat on my wife, but


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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an alter boy

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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an alter boy

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Introducing: WaffleMan!

You’ll never guess what his alter eggo is though...

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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as the alter boy

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Cold Ones -NSFW

A nun walks out after to school to catch two alter boys with their dicks in the snow.

The nun asks, “what are you boys doing?!”

They reply, “The Priest said he wanted a few cold ones after work.”

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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Tell the alter boy to fart in her pussy

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How do you get a nun pregnant? (it's not dressing her up like an alter boy)

Have an alter boy fart in her pussy.

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A nun and a priest are in a heated argument

The priest insists that since he is higher up on the Catholic food chain, God must love him more than the nun. The nun disagrees and says that God loves everyone equally. The priest comes to the conclusion that he can only settle this discussion by having God arbitrate the debate for them. So he kneels before the alter and asks which person does He love more. In a thunderous voice, God answered &


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It's strange how getting a fever can alter your perception of balance...

From my point of view the Jedi are evil.

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There was a fight at the alter yesterday

I guess you could say it was an altercation

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I cry every time after I have sex

It’s rough being the alter boy

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Two alter boys are fishing...

Two alter boys are fishing on a dock. One of the boys gets a bite and struggles to reel him in. When he finally gets the best of the fish, he snatches him up and proclaims to the other alter boy "Look at this big sum bitch!" The other alter boy says "You can't say that you're an alter boy" to which he explains "thats the name of the fish, sum bitch." "W


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What do alter boys and frat boys have in common?

Rape

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What does the Catholic priest try to do during Lent?

Alter boys

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NSFW How do you get a nun pregnant?

Have the alter boy fart in her pussy.

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How do you get a nun pregnant

How do you get a nun pregnant?

You dress her up as an alter boy!

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Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

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In English grammar, periods are very important. They can alter the entire meaning of what is being said.

For example,

Johnny was on his trampoline, moving up and down in total bliss.

Johnny was on his period, moving up and down in total bliss.

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If Iron Man were the household appliance, his alter ego would be Tony Starch. ShowerThoughts

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A shy priest greets the wedding guests to the Chapel. He's very nervous and doesn't say much.

As the couple approach the alter the priest steps up and gives the best speech anyone has ever heard. He's full of confidence, incredibly expensive and has everyone in fits of laughter!

After the vows, the preist is extremely shy and barely says a word to anyone.

The groom approaches the him and asks, "why are you so shy? You seemed like a different person whe


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Sum bitch

Two alter boys are fishing on a dock. One of the boys gets a bite and struggles to reel him in. When he finally gets the best of the fish, he snatches him up and proclaims to the other alter boy "Look at this big sum bitch!" The other alter boy says "You can't say that you're an alter boy" to which he explains "thats the name of the fish, sum bitch." &


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What do you call a Superhero with a dentist alter ego?

Plaque Panther

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A priest and a rabbi go camping....

They set up their tents and get a fire going when suddenly the priest pipes up "We forgot the alter boy!" and the rabbi asks him "What do we need a little boy for?" "To fuck!" "Out of what?"

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If a priest is selfcenteret

Would you say he has an alter ego?

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A nun is leaving church one evening.....

A nun is leaving church one winter evening after mass. As she exits she sees two alter boys laying in the snow completely naked. The nun approaches the boys and says "Dear lord! What are u boys doing out here naked in the snow?" One of the boys looks up at her and says,

"Father John likes to have a couple cold ones after mass"


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How do you circumcise a priest?

Kick the alter boy in the jaw!

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A boy goes into confession...

The boy tells the priest, "Father I'm afraid I've been with a loose girl."

"Hmm, ok son, what was the girls name?"

"Oh I can't say."

"Was it Mary Jane?"

"No Father."

"Adalina Mozarelli?"

"My lips are sealed."

"How about


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A 68 year old virgin got married the other day...

At the alter, her groom to be said, "I see a 69 in your future"

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My 68 yr old virgin neighbor got married the other day...

At the alter, her groom to be said "i see a 69 in your future"

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Why you shouldn't marry your wife in a church.

When a couple gets married in a church the bride walks down the *aisle*, she stands in front of the *alter*, and the audience often sings *hymns*.

 

The whole time the bride is thinking "I'll Alter Him!"

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An American Public school trying to alter your view of other ethnicities?

[deleted]

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Dinner for the Pope

A priest is searching the fish market so his parish can make the best dinner tonight for their special guest, the Pope. He comes across a fish monger who has a large and glorious looking fish for sale. He asks the fish monger "My child, is this a high quality fish? I would like to buy it for dinner".

The fish monger says "Of course! It's the best sonuvabitch I eve


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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck her.



Alt - Dress her as an alter boy.

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What's the difference between an alter boy and a black baby?

The alter boy has a father that will love him.

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So i went to a wedding with my brothers in upstate new york ...

so i went to a wedding with my brothers in upstate new york ... it was in a catholic church and my brother noticed that there were not only alter boys, but alter girls as well. so i said "well not all priests are gay".

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A priest takes a holiday

So he asks one of his mates to look after the church for a week, his mate obliges and looks after the church.
Halfway through the week a woman comes in and asks for confession, the priest's mate allows this and brings the woman in for confession, she says 'Father help me I have sinned' the guy replies 'what have you done my dear' the woman says 'I have given ora


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