Alms

Jokes

What do you call a pair of ex-army sibling beggars?

Brothers in alms.

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A priest and a rabbi are having a chat

The priest says “you know what I do with the alms at the end of the mass every Sunday?

- no, says the rabbi

- I draw a line on the floor of the church, and I throw the alms in the air. Everything on the right is for God, everything on the left is for me.”

And the rabbi replies

“ You know I do the same thing but I do it different


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A politician goes to church...

the priest tells the churchgoers to give to your heart's content.

Moved by the priest's sermon, the politician decides to give a hundred dollars as alms in the collection basket.

As soon as he does the usher takes 99 dollars from the basket and gives it to him saying, "Your change, sir."


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A politician goes to church...

the priest tells the churchgoers to give to your heart's content.
Moved by the priest's sermon, the politician gives a hundred dollars as alms in the collection basket.
The usher reaches into the bag and hands the politician 99 dollars saying "Your change, sir."

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What was the Preacher turned Drill Seargent's favorite command?

Present Alms!

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Why do bartenders refuse to give free drinks to pigs?

Because thou shalt not throw alms to the swine

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Why did the generous Asian man buy guns for the homeless?

He was just trying to give alms to the poor

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