Allowance

Jokes

Jack and the dog

So jack was crying because his dog died and his mother walked up to him and said”oh jack why are you crying you didn’t cry when grandpa died” on which jack responded with”I didn’t buy grandpa from my allowance

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A married woman complains to her mother:

I'm divorcing David. All he want's is just sex. My asshole is now the size of a quarter! It used to be the size of a cent.

The Mother promptly responds "Dear, you are married to a millionaire lawyer. You live in an 8 bedroom mansion in Midtown Manhattan. You drive a 1959 Silver Cloud Rolls-Royce Convertible. You get $10,000 a week as allowance . You take 6 luxury vacat


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The new Space Force is going to cost the government billions in unforeseen expenses.

The military housing allowance will go through the roof because the cost of living in space is astronomical.

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A little boy gets his weekly allowance.

Joe, a teenaged boy, gets his weekly allowance from his mother. He decides to go out and treat himself to some ice cream. Half an hour later, he returns.

"So Joe, what did you do?" asks his mother. Joe replies "I went out to the ice cream parlor and bought myself an ice cream." "Oh, that's nice", says his mother. "What flavor did you get?"


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Wealthy woman wants a divorce. NSFW

A wealthy woman tells her mother, “I’m divorcing David! I can’t take it anymore. All he wants is anal sex, and now my asshole is the size of a 50 cent piece, when it used to be the size of a nickel!”

The mother says, “You’re married to a multimillionaire, you have an 8 bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, have a $2,000 a week allowance, take six va


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Did you hear the government is banning participation trophies?

They start taking down Native American Memorials in exactly one year.

The generous time allowance is so the reservations can figure out a replacement for their lost casino revenue.

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Living on disability allowance is difficult, isnt it?

I have a friend who’s a dwarf, and he really struggles to put food on the table.

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Living on disability allowance is tough, isnt it?

[deleted]

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Little Ryan and Candice are only 10 years old

but they know they are in love.

One day they decide that they want to get married, so Ryan goes to Candice's father to ask him for her hand.

Ryan bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Candice are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "W


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"Daddy, Morgan and I want to get married."

- "I see, Danny. Well, how will you support her?
"I get two dollars allowance and she gets an allowance too."
- "But what if there's a baby?"
"So far we've been lucky."

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