Allergy

Jokes

@JustCallMeMike_: Make allergy season more exciting by snorting confetti so that every time you sneeze...

it's like a little party on your face.

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Ive never been able to count any higher than seven in French...

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TIL most females have a nut allergy.

You nut in them and they could swell for 9 months.

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Im writing a screenplay about a group of criminals scheming to rob an allergy clinic.

I’m thinking of calling it “The Gesundheist”.

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Nut Allergy NSFWish

I think my wife has developed a nut allergy. It's been months since she knobbed me.

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When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal nut allergy

They would hold me up against the wall and play Russian roulette with a bag of revels

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How did the school bullies kill a kid with a nut allergy?

They would always pecan him.



Father's Day weekend Dad joke.

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What's the name of the allergy that makes you racist?

Blacktose intolerant

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Imagine first finding out you had an allergy...

...it would be nothing to sneeze about.

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Allergy

Guy went to er for allergy

Doctor: What happened?

Guy: Got some allergy

Doctor: Are you allergic to anything you know?

Guy: Yes, peanuts.

Doctor: What did you eat in the last half an hour?

Guy: Nothing

Doctor: Nothing? What did you do in the last half an hour?

Guy: Me and my gf were having sex


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My girlfriend told me she can't teabag me.

She has a nut allergy.

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I discovered that I an allergy to plant-type Pokemon.

I caught a bulbous sore.

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Lightning McQueen has a nut allergy

cashew

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As someone with a peanut allergy, I despise Mr Peanut

I hate his guts! And his nuts!!!

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I got my cat Kitten Mittens and now he looks like he's got a wicked peanut allergy

He does not like cat shoes

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Why did the porn star have a rash on her face?

She had a nut allergy.

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I've got an allergy to butts.

It's a glute allergy.

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What did the doctor advise the patient with gluten allergy?

You need bread rest

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Doctor: Im afraid that it was a severe allergy that led to you suffering an anaphylactic shock.

Patient: “Enough medical mumbo-jumbo doc. Just give it to me in a nutshell.”

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Did you hear about the psychologist who's career was ruined by a medical condition?

She had a nut allergy

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ALLERGY

After 2 months of dating, i asked my girlfriend why she doesnt go down on me. she told me she had a nut allergy

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What do you call a person with a nut allergy?

a Lesbian

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My friend died from a nut allergy

He gave me this thing called an “epipen” in his last moments. It was really important to him that I had it.

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Priests must be super busy during allergy season.

"Bless me Father for I have sneezed"

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My friend was complaining that he had a cold during allergy season.

I said, bet it snot.

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She had a severe peanut allergy

That was the kiss of death for their romance

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I sneezed in front of my stuttering friend and said, "man, my sinuses are on fire".

"i-i-is i-i-it an-an-allergy?" he asked

I said, "no, it's a metaphor".

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Karma being a btch

You are black (check)
Due to your skin tone you need the sun for Vit. D.
But being unlucky and all you have a allergy for UV-rays...

true life story!!

Black -> sun-> Vit D..
No Sun = No Vit D = Black guy with sun Allergy...

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It's allergy season upon us, so remember to say "pika" before you sneeze

and if you forget, just say "bacca" after!

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Did you hear about the woman who died after giving a blow job?

Apparently she had a nut allergy

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The restaurant I work at doesn't mind allergy season when it comes to the cooks.

[deleted]

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(Peanut allergy) When you see a Reece's cup, I see suffocation

[deleted]

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Did you hear about the woman who died after giving a blow job?

Apparently she had a nut allergy

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As someone with a peanut allergy, I think I figured out why the peanut is the meanest food

[deleted]

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Had to fire the web designer from my Allergy Eye Drop business today...

...everything he designed was a site for sore eyes.

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What's the worst thing that can happen to a gypsy?

Allergy to copper.

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What is a porn star's favorite allergy medicine? (NSFW?)

Bend'n'dryl

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For me, bondage was life-changing...

Turns out I have a major latex allergy

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Rjokes should have an allergy warning

Cauition: may contain reposts

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I have a shellfish allergy and I got an allergic reaction to it

So The Fine Brothers sued me

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Life is like a gluten allergy..

It seems like everybody but me has one.

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Like is like a gluten allergy,

[deleted]

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How do you kill a guy with a coconut allergy?

You put a bounty on his head.

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TIL you can be fired from Subway for giving the wrong sandwich to a customer who has an allergy to it

[deleted]

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A couple loved their cat so much

Their son is now at the orphanage along with his fucking allergy

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I have a severe allergy to alcohol

Whenever I drink it I breakout in handcuffs.

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What's the most common allergy among gay men?

Heeeeeeyyyy fever.

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Some one asked me, what is one thing I want to see before I die...

I replied... A black person with a gluten allergy.

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What do you call a woman with a latex allergy?

Mom.

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I think I must have a leather allergy

because whenever I wake up with my shoes on I have a headache.

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