Alan Titchmarsh told this joke at my graduation
A wife and husband lived in a house with a horrible garden.
Every day the wife would stare out her kitchen window at the garden and sigh. She wanted water features and flower beds put in, and a paved area to eat alfresco on.
Every day she would turn to her husband and say ‘darling please could you sort out our garden? It looks so tatty compared to the neighbours’