Agreement

Jokes

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain...



In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My wife and I have an agreement. I dont try to run her life,

and I don’t try to run mine.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Best way to fall asleep

Start read an end user licence agreement.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My girlfriend is treating our relationship like a written agreement.

This isn't what I signed up for.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A guy asks Alexa to define "rendezvous"...

Alexa: As a noun, rendezvous is usually defined as an agreement between two or more persons to meet at a certain time and place.

Guy: Spell it.

Alexa: It is spelled, I. T.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Arguing with a Woman is just like reading a software license agreement.

In the end, you ignore it all and click "I agree"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My wife wants to get a small dog, but I don't want to clean up after it.

It's all in our pre-pup agreement.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man with chronic diarrhea and a Boy Scout master had an agreement.

I shit you knot.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My wife and I have finally reached an agreement on our next vacation destination. I got so excited I had to change my pants.

I love coming to a consensus.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why shouldnt you make a agreement with wolverine ?

Because of his retractable Clause

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Owning a restaurant in India is hard, the locals hold a grudge against me but we finally came to a mutual agreement.

No beef now.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

TIL: MOU in Russia is called

"Trade Agreement"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

NSFW Being from the UK, my wife and I were discussing the withdrawal agreement last night.

We both agreed, she'll have it on her tits.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

In this challenging political climate, I believe it is critical to find common ground and at least come to the partial agreement that Trump is one of the best presidents

In the entire history of Russia.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do Canadian businessmen go clubbing after a big trade agreement?

To seal the deal

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Nancy,Chuck and Donald come to an agreement

Thats it. Thats the joke

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb

None. They would never come to an agreement, and would shut the whole project down.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The NFL and the Player's Association had a series of meetings this week.

They met regarding bargaining agreements, player compensation, and owner revenue. The owners are requesting an additional percentage of revenue to be transferred away from player salaries to fund increased security at games. The players, obviously, want those funds to come from the owners' pockets.

They were unable to come to an agreement, so beginning Sunday, most personnel invo


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Three hookers...

Three hookers are discussing their clients from the night before. The first says "I think I was with a doctor last night."

"Why do you say that?" Ask the other two.

"Well, he had a white coat and a stethoscope, and he really knew his anatomy and he had a lot of money."

"Interesting. I think I was with a lawyer last night,&qu


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Pope Francis meets with President Trump

After their private meeting, the president walks outside to the media and announces “It was a great meeting. Terrific. The very best. Pope Francis and I were in total agreement on 70% of the issues we discussed.”

Then Pope Francis walks outside looking dejected. A reporter asks “Your Holiness, why so glum? President Trump says you were in total agreement on 70% of th


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A hen lays an egg on the wall between two properties in Scotland.

This being a wall between two farms they can't be sure who's hen it was either. When one farmer, who was an immigrant, came out to collect the egg, the native Scottish neighbor comes out and lays claim to the egg as well.

After a few moments of polite discussion they decide there's no way to tell who the egg belongs to, so the Scottish man proposes a solution.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A mom and dad have two twin children a daughter named Sally and a son named Billy.

The whole family loves camping, so one year for the twins’ birthday, the parents decide to get them each their own set of camping equipment.
They head to the store and buy two sleeping bags, two lanterns, two tents, etc. Everything is identical except the tents, one of which is green and the other one blue. Driving home, Mom asks Dad, “How will we decided who gets which tent?&


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Trump and USMCA

Why did Trump call it the United States-Mexico-Canada Agreement? Because United States-Canada And Mexico was too honest an acronym.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A Buddhist and a Pantheist...

A Buddhist and a Pantheist are discussing the self and they eventually they come to an agreement: if it's not one thing, it's Anatta.

[OC]

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement.

In the end you ignore it all and just click "I agree"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two cereal killers fell in love with the same woman in prison.

They came to an agreement, that they'd just share her.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The job is done!

House owner to workman:

\- Hey! Why did you paint only one part of the room?! I paid you in full!!

\- That’s according to the agreement. You do the rest!

\- What?!

\- See, here, it reads: “The workman from one part, and the house owner from the other part, hereinafter referred to as “The parties” have agreed…&rdq


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Munich Agreement was a mistake.

Just Czech out how much damage it caused.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Define Marriage?

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What type of contract do Indian restaurant workers have to sign?

A naan-disclosure agreement

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement...

...in the end, you ignore it all and click "I agree".

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Girlfriend broke up with me for being handsome with long hair...

On her way out she says, “you’re always lion”. All I could do was nod in agreement.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A Priest and a Rabbi are chatting outside....

A Priest and a Rabbi are chatting outside of a deli when a nicely-dressed, affluent young boy walks past them. The Priest looks at the boy and whispers aloud "Wow, I'd love to screw that boy". The rabbi leans over, nodding in agreement and asks "Out of what?".

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Arguing with a woman is like reading the software licence agreement.

In the end you ignore everything and click I agree.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Arguing with a woman...

is like reading a software license agreement... in the end, you ignore it all and click "I agree".

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A guy marries a death girl,

And on the night of the wedding he takes her into the bedroom and signs to her...

“If you are ever feeling frisky and fancy some love making, just reach over and give my old man a little stroke or two”

So she nods her agreement, and he signs back,

“If you don’t fancy a bit of love making, just lean over and keep on stroking it”


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An owner of a peanut package factory walks in to find a dead body and calls the cops.

The owner nervously watches as the cops arrive, they walk in, stand around the body and whisper quietly. One of the cops points out a small bracelet on the man’s wrist and the other cop nods in agreement. The cops begin to leave when the owner speaks up.

“What’s happening?”

“It’s nothing, just an allergy. This happens all the time,&rdqu


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Trump ended the nuclear agreement

Iran should’ve made sure it was prenuptial.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement

In the end you just ignore everything and admit "I agree"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

In unexpected twist attorney Michael Cohen is suing his Michael Cohen for breach of a confidentiality agreement.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Im in favour of a bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medical marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain. In other words,

I’m for joint support for joint support for joint support.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An owner of a peanut package factory walks in to find a dead body and calls the cops.

The owner nervously watches as the cops arrive, they walk in, stand around the body and whisper quietly. One of the cops points out a small bracelet on the man’s wrist and the other cop nods in agreement. The cops begin to leave when the owner speaks up.

“What’s happening?”

“It’s nothing, just an allergy. This happens all the time,&rdqu


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement...

...in the end, you ignore it all and click "I agree"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement.

In the end you ignore it all and click “I agree”.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There are these three older gentlemen in their club....

...somewhere in the West End of London, and it's the late 1920s or so. They're sitting in the Chesterfield armchairs, drinking their beakers of port, smoking cigars, and generally chatting about life, and the conversation circles round to the great inevitable, and they start to wonder how they want to go.

The youngest, about 70 odd, says "I'm going to get into my


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Munich agreement

was a peace of sheet.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you hear about the parents that auctioned off the right to name their firstborn child?

They were expecting after trying to get pregnant for a long time. But when they tried to discuss what they should name the child, it was causing all kinds of arguments. They just couldn’t come to an agreement and there was a lot of tension between them. It got to the point where the wife was staying over at her parents' house every other evening.

About a month after the arg


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Russia, U. K. and U.S.A. just signed a monetary agreement.

A pound of rubles will cost a dollar.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call an agreement between two forests?

A tree-ty!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE