Agreed

Jokes

California Census

When California was determining its census rules, a law similar to the three fifths compromise was considered, under which two Asian Americans would be counted the same as one caucasian.

The law was rejected, because the lawmakers all agreed that two Wongs don't make a white.

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I finally agreed to eat out my lesbian girl friend

It seems you don't have to be a cell to do faggot-cytosis

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My girlfriend finally agreed to try a threesome.

Boy was my wife surprised.

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A man is caught licking the outside of a tavern.

A police officer asks him what he's doing.

"Waitin' to get arrested, officer," he slurs. "If I'm gonna get charged with something, I wanna deserve it."

"What are you talking about?" the officer replies.

"I've been arrested 3 times this month, and I've agreed with the charges of being drunk every tim


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A man came home and found his wife in bed with another man.

He challenged the stranger to a duel. They walked into another room and closed the door. Then the man said to the stranger, "Why should any of us die? Let's both shoot into the air, then we fall to the floor and wait. She will sprint in. To whomever she will rush, let that man have her." The stranger agreed. They both shot into the air and fell to the floor. The wife rushed in, look


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Love is blind.

good thing, otherwwise she'd never have agreed to go out.

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I used to read a lot

When I was a kid I used to read a lot of books, they were all pop up books, but I enjoyed them. When I grew older, my parents told me I should try and read some proper books, and offered to take me to the library to look for some. I agreed to look at some books but honestly, nothing jumped out at me.


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Before we got married, my wife and I talked about having kids and agreed we wanted to have one of each sex.

We're on four and counting.

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How time flys

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A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bar tender "If I impress you, can I have a free drink?". The bar tender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano. He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano. It crawled on to the bench and began playing

music. The bar tender was amazed, so he gave the man a beer. Next, the man said "If I impress you even more, can I have free drinks for life?". The bar tender didn't think it was possible, so he agreed. The man pulled a frog out of his pocket, and it began to sing by the piano. The bar tender smiled and told the man that he was impressed. A man in a suit with a cane walked into the


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Fish for sale

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Johnny's father decided it was time for him to get out and see the world. Nsfw

"Son, it is time for you to see some of the world on your own. But i don't want to send you out with nothing son, so take this duck with you."

So Johnny took the duck and went out with his duck and the first person he met was a ho.

"Hey kid, nice duck. I'll have sex with you if you give me that duck."

Johnny agreed, and he scre


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I told my girlfriend she needed to lose a bunch of weight if she wanted to be happy.

She agreed and lost almost 200 pounds by breaking up with me.

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A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.

Schwepped her off her feet.

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My wife and I agreed to have each other cremated upon our deaths.

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The Genie offered me one wish. I asked for a McDonald's ice cream. When he told me the machine was broken and he couldn't do the impossible I got to pick another wish. I asked him for an original joke on reddit. He agreed to grant my wish but had one last question...

Would you like that in a cone or a cup?

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The Elephant and the Mouse

An elephant was walking through the jungle one day when suddenly he fell into a hole. "Help!" he yelled. A mouse heard his cry for help and came running. When the mouse finally made it to the elephant, the elephant said, "Please Mr. Mouse, if you save me I'll be your best friend forever." The mouse agreed, and told the elephant to wait just a second. The mouse came back in


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A man was joyriding with his new Mercedes

A man was Joyriding with his new Mercedes.
He was driving well above the speed limit when he saw the lightshow of a cop behind him.

He started driving faster, sure that he could outrun the cop but the cop kept up.

Eventually he gave up and pulled over.
The cop came up to his window and said,

"It's the end of my shift and I'm ready t


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Yin and Yang were going over to a house for dinner. As it was only Yin's friend, they had agreed before that Yang was just walking her there and then going home. Upon arriving at the house, the friend took a look at the two of them and said "let's just have the whole Yang come in."

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The killing of Julius Caesar is a perfect example of group project. 60 dudes agreed to kill Caesar

But there were only 23 stab wounds

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While riding my Harley



I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for... "I'


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There was once a wise man..

His friend told him that there is a guy saying all kinds of bad stuff about this wise man.
So the wise man went to the guy's house and asked him if they can go to a place where no one can see or hear them...
The guy ashamed of what his done agreed... They went to the woods and when they were very far, the wise man asked: did you say so and so about me.. the guy nodded


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My wife and I agreed that if I ever quit working we would sever ties

Because I wouldn't have a use for them anymore.

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(NSFW) So me and a couple of my friends agreed to a threesome

And we went at it for forty five minutes, slapping cheeks, swearing, sweating but then I stop and I ask him, “Hey bro, when is she getting here?”

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Logic.

In class I learned:
Nothing is better than ice cream to eat on a hot summers day.
I also learned that if stranded on a desert island and you have crackers then at least they're better than nothing.
My professor then pointed out that crackers are better than ice cream and he logically proved it by stating that we had agreed nothing was better than ice cream and crackers were


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I've agreed to buy the wife a gold dildo for her birthday.

I'm going soft in my old age.

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My girlfriend finnally agreed to let me have a threesome. She even set it up!

I'm just not too thrilled it's with me, and two other guys.

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My wife and I agreed to stop smoking so now we only have a cigarette after sex.

I haven't had a cigarette in over a year but now she's up to 3 packs a day!

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While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused, I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiney new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.


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I jokingly asked my wife if she would consider inviting the neighbours over for some sexy time together

And, she agreed forsome reasons.

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There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.
The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."
The preacher explained why they were


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A homeless man had a very interesting sign

It said that he could guess anybody’s age for $5. A young lady came up and asked if he could do this to her. She gave him the $5 and the old man started looking carefully at her. He said, “I just need to feel your boobs to figure out your age. The woman was very surprised. She reluctantly agreed, and after 10 minutes, says, “29”. The woman asks how he knew, and the man sai


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Government cheese

Three men heard that the government gave away free cheese so they took off work and got in line. After waiting in line for hours, they finally reached the front of the line. When told that since they had jobs, they were ineligible to receive free cheese they were pissed.

They decided since they wasted an entire day they were getting their free cheese no matter what. They waited in


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The Origins of Obama

Have you ever wondered dow Barack Obama, the first African-American president of the USA, got his name?

He shared the same name as his father.

When Barack Obama Sr was born, his parents sent him to the priest. The priest was asian, and cannot distinguish between the 'r' and 'l' sound. He has a naming convention where he would name kids after their appe


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Breaking News: Bill gates has agreed to pay trump's wall

On the condition of he gets to install Windows

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I love a girl very much and want to marry her. She even agreed as well. But when I introduce her to my friends they are like "No bro. Dont marry her. She and you are very similar. "

Wtf is wrong with these people. I mean, its not my fault that my sister is very similar to me.

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Paint Job

A teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will


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When the Wayans brothers fell upon hard times

They approached me about doing lawn care. $20 for the whole lawn, so I agreed. When done, one approached me demanding “Mo money.”

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Two stay at home ISIS Moms chatting about there toddlers...

agreed it's important to cherish every moment with your kids, they blow up so quickly these days

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Three madmen decided to flee from the mental clinic

they agreed first to kill the guard... , and when they came out did not find a guard
They said oh shit the plan failed , and returned to their place

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I told my girlfriend that my penis and my punchlines are similar because they both have twists in the end.

She agreed saying she's never seen either coming.

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I was eating at a Chinese restaurant but their lights were too bright...

thankfully they agreed to dim sum.

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My wife says agreed if this hits the front page I'm finally getting anal sex. If not, no anal.

I hope it doesn't make it. Her strap on is huge and I think will hurt me a lot!

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I was arguing with my farmer friend over what clothes are appropriate to wear on the farm

We couldn't come to an agreement

so we agreed to dungarees.

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My girlfriend and I are trying for a baby

Her moms agreed to help out...just till I get hard

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Three women were returning to their village one night.

They spotted a man staggering ahead of them who was obviously very drunk. As they watched, he stumbled and fell face-down into a mud puddle. When they walked up to him, one woman turned him over to see if she recognized him.

However, his face was so covered with mud she couldn't tell, so she bent over and unzipped his pants. She remarked, "Well, he's not my husband.&q


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Insest

So a girl was getting married and her father was paying for the wedding. Towards the end when she was buying her dress her dad was short on money. She found the most beautiful dress that she had to have, but her dad asked her to find a cheaper one. She looked but couldn't find anything as good and told her dad she had to have that dress. He said "Okay, but you have to give me a blowjob.&


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He walks into a bank

A man walks into a bank. At the teller’s window, he deposits $5,000. When he leaves, the manager walks up to the teller, concerned.

“Where does he get all that money?” said the manager to the teller, “There’s something mighty suspicious about that man”

“I don’t know,” the teller responded, “but he comes here eve


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I was once diagnosed as a Narcissistic Sociopath

but after a lot of hard work and a change in perspective, the doctor agreed I was just a sexy genius.

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My girlfriend and I agreed to try some roleplay in the sack, but right at the end she screamed out the wrong name!

That's the last time I'm ever letting her wear her Starbucks uniform in bed.

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