Agitated

Jokes

What do you call a group of crows at a planned meet up?

Pre-meditated Murder.

What do you call a group of agitated crows?

Aggravated Murder.

I will see myself out.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Awkward situation...

Recently a friend has made acquaintance with a gorgeous girl. She is very clever, sociable, beautiful. He understood he loved her greater than life. He were invited by her parents (they are jews) home to make acquaintance with them. They are the nicest people. And her father asked him if he knows what main jewish holiday is in this year. Being agitated he said: " The Holocaust". Result:


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A zookeeper was making his rounds one day..



When he noticed the female gorilla was very agitated. Having worked with gorillas for many years, he recognised she was in heat. The zookeeper did not wish her to become more agitated, so he began contacting other zoo's in the area asking if they had a male gorilla.

After many days with no luck, and the female gorilla getting more frustrated, he decided to try


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Don't know how to title this one, but it's a joke

If someone at a hospital seems too agitated and doesn't feel like waiting, are they still called a "patient"?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A four-engine passenger jet experiences engine trouble...

...and the pilot comes on the intercom, saying, "Passengers, we apologize, but we have experienced an engine burn-out. The plane can still fly on the remaining three engines, but we'll be delayed in our arrival by two hours."

A few minutes later, the airplane shakes, and passengers see smoke coming out of another engine. Again, the intercom crackles to life.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The pope has recently died...

... in response religious officials from around the globe gather the cardinals to convene and elect a new pope. As per the rules of the Papal Conclave the Cardinals are locked in a cathedral until they make a decision. After a few days and much agitated chatter the doors are opened, and out fly the Cardinals, no decision had been reached.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

"Reddit, reddit."

A chicken walks into a library, goes up to a librarian and says, "Book book book." The librarian decides that the chicken wants a book so he gives the chicken a book and the chicken walks away. About ten minutes later the chicken comes back with the book, looking a bit agitated, saying, "Book book book." The librarian decides the chicken wants another book so he takes the old


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A thief pistol whips the man working at the counter of a jewelry store.

“Put the jewels in the bag!” he demands. The man puts a few juuls into the bag.

“I mean the OTHER kind of jewels!!!” says the thief, noticeably agitated. “You know what I’m talking about!”

The man begins to unzip his pants...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A funny one from my 7 year old daughter. Knock, Knock...


Me: Who’s there?

Her: Knock, Knock

Me: Who’s there?

...continued five more times.

Me (agitated): Sweetie, you have to stop saying knock knock over and over again .

Her: Daddy, you’re supposed to say “Knock Knock who?”

Me: Ohhhhhhhh. Knock Knock who?

Her: Knock Knock, I&rs


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My neighbour was quite agitated when her cat got stuck high within our tree

She was even more agitated when I told her not to worry, getting him down should be like falling off a log.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Mr. Smith found a doppelganger of his wife.

Mr smith to Air hostess - you look exactly like my wife.

*Air hostess feeling a bit agitated by that remark slapped him.

Mr. Smith - what sheer coincidence, even the habits match too.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Mr. Smith Found a doppelganger of my wife.

Mr smith to Air hostess - you look exactly like my wife.

*Air hostess feeling a bit agitated by that remark slapped him.

Mr. Smith - what sheer coincidence, even the habits match too.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Which way?

An agitated man is walking with a quick pace around an empty plaza. He is looking around every corner. Suddenly, Columbus appears and the man rushes towards him.

While pointing towards a direction, the man asks Columbus

\- Excuse me sir. I seem to be lost. Is this the right way to go?

\- Where do you want to go?

The man points to the same direct


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Dude walks into the supermarket

Dude walks into the supermarket - agitated, in a rush. "Quick!", he says, "I need some pens and pencils and some rubber bands! Where are they? Hurry!" Dude at the counter looks at him and says, "Chill out, man. They aren't going anywhere."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I knew a man named Warren Abbout, eveetime i met him he was really agitated...

So I kept asking him, What you always Warren About?!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The People of Pompeii wake up one morning

and they smell a horrible scent throughout the town. The aroma wafted through every nook and cranny of the Roman village, sharing its putrid and sulfuric fragrance with every man, woman, and child. The agitated citizens blamed Mt Vesuvius for the smell, to which Mt Vesuvius replied, "Trust me, if it were me, you'd be dead."


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two friends go camping in a forest...

Two friends go camping in a forest when they encounter a bear. The bear is clearly agitated and starts running toward them. One of the boys starts tightening his shoelaces, when the other says "There's no way you can outrun a bear!" The other replies, "Who said anything about outrunning the bear? All I have to do is outrun you!"


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The hot coed approaches her professor...

She opens up a button on her blouse, tilts down her glasses and says, "I'd do *anything* to get an A in this class..."

The professor, agitated, says "**Anything**?"

"**Anything**" as she traces her finger down his chest.

The professor leans over, and whispers in her ear...

"Study"


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I hate putting my clothes in the washing machine...

they always seem so agitated when I take them out.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Agitated

I encountered a very nervous flea

He said he gets his sleep in snatches.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What does the calm zombie say to the agitated zombie?

Decompose yourself.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two men on a bench

Two men on a bench in a rural part of South Tyrol are approached by a posh fellow (the whole deal, white trousers, buttoned shirt, kashmere sweater over the shoulders).

The fellow inquires, in Italian, no less, the shortest way to the *autostrada*. The men just sit and stare. He asks again, a bit louder, this time. No reaction.

Puzzled, the fellow tries it in English. &qu


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two Apple Farmers, a baby, and an extremely agitated Sugar Glider walk into a bar... ... ...

... ... ... I don't remember how it ends but your mothers a whore.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Three words are having an argument...

Had, Made, and Did were having a very heated argument. They became more and more agitated as the argument went on. It was beyond tense... It was past tense.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Oc Halloween. Three boys knock on the door of an old lady.

They are in single file and stand there silently. She says to the first boy "Well? It is Halloween right? When you come to the door what do you say??". The boys start to chuckle as Spiderman mumbled "trick or treat?". He takes his candy in silence as the woman asks "now what do you say?". The boys laugh a little harder as the boy mutters a thank you. When the vampire


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A zookeeper was making his rounds one day...

When he noticed the female gorilla was very agitated. Having worked with gorillas for many years, he recognised she was in heat. The zookeeper did not wish her to become more agitated, so he began contacting other zoo's in the area asking if they had a male gorilla.

After many days with no luck, and the female gorilla getting more frustrated, he decided to try his last option. So


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE