Affection

Jokes

How do you calm your erupting girlfriend?

You shower her with lava and affection

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How do seagulls show their partners affection?

By saying, "you're all mine mine mine mine mine mine mine!"

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So the girl of my dreams doesnt have the same affection that I have for her and that really sucks because I really liked her. Oh well. I guess I just have to move on and let her go

She’s been tied up in my basement long enough

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Phrases of Affection

I'm from Tennessee. I have been sitting here thinking about words at the end of "love phrases". I'm thinking: "I love you, baby", "I miss you, bro", etc. Now sometimes, these don't work out for the people that you are speaking with when using these love phrases.

"I love you, bro" does not sit well with my mom.

"B


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Am I a puppy?

Because I’m loved for a while , then hated, and happy when you come back with affection 😃

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Paid membership

Saw this place on my way to work. The board in front of the place said money changer. I don't know how but my money went there, maybe I work too much. Anyway, he went there and he changed man! It's no longer working between us because we are in this long distance relationship now. I can't love him anymore no matter how much I try. I have tried and tried but I no longer feel affectio


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Paid membership NSFW

Saw this place on my way to work. The board in front of the place said money changer. I don't know how but my money went there, maybe I work too much. Anyway, he went there and he changed man! It's no longer working between us because we are in this long distance relationship now. I can't love him anymore no matter how much I try. I have tried and tried but I no longer feel affectio


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My friend told me to just joke around with others to gain their affection

I told some jokes to parasites, and now they’re attached to me!

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Whats the difference between a cop and a whale?

The whale is capable of expressing affection for its offspring and people give a shit if it dies.

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Do you know why the Spaniards called the cat "gato"?

Because they like men... They dont listen, nor care for what you are saying. They only care about food, love, and affection.

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I hate to sound snobbish, but I really have an affection for 2nd movements

The 1st poop is fine, but the 2nd one is always better

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I feel sorry for the first drummer of the Beatles.

All he got was a stupid street named after him, while Ringo Starr got the love and affection of tens of women.

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A boy was asking out a girl when she replied to his affection with the line "I love you too, but like a brother!"

Saddened by her apparent refusal, he started walking away, until the girl said, "Wait. from where I'm from, that's good."

Confused, the boy asked, "Well, where is that?"

"Alabama."

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I've written my 107th pun about affection.

[deleted]

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If love can build a bridge...

Can affection put up a shelf?

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I love Hersheys Kisses...

They are the closest I’ll ever get to true affection.

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Anyone remember the movies "Good Dick" amp "Strange Affection"?

[deleted]

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Mans best friend

A man and his faithful companion are lost in the woods. They wander for weeks until the man knows what he must do to survive. "Rex, me old mate' he says in a weak melancholic tone. "You've been by me side all your life, served and obeyed me with affection, this breaks my heart, but for me to escape death i must eat you."
He cries as he chokes down the last bite, and


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Women can't say no to three things

Shoes, bags, chocolate, diamonds, clothes, perfume, food, flowers, money, cosmetics, attention, romance, kindness, adventure, affection, unpredictability, confidence, humor, ice cream, shopping, free drinks..

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What does an LGBT couple do to show affection?

embruce

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I have a hardcore yeast affection.

I love breads and doughs.

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A dog owner and a cat owner are walking the owner's dog...

And are unsurprisingly arguing about which animal is better.

"Don't you feel unloved and used every time your cat demands food and doesn't show a shred of gratitude after you feed it?" Asks the dog owner.

"Not really," replies the cat owner. "I know that my cat loves me, and I don't need a soppy display of affection every time I ac


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MMA

Man on Man Affection.

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Do you know what it means to come home to a man who'll give you a little love, a little affection, and a little tenderness?

It means you're in the wrong house!

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