Affairs

Jokes

Today in the Gulf Stream, two dolphins were caught cheating on their significant others, and in the East Australian, a humpback whale gave the term new meaning when he was found in the fins of another beluga.

I like to stay on top of current affairs.

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What do you call it when you're caught making love to a raisin in the local news room?

Current affairs.

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What's the most depressed and simultaneously sexually active place in America?

Oh I was hoping you would know... I've heard it's a sad state of affairs

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Tiger Woods had a lot of affairs

While having sex, he would have at least once shouted 'Who is your caddie?'

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What's the best synonym for online dating?

External Affairs.

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Q: What would you call an expert in European Union's affairs?

A: Eurologist

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What did the journalist say when the news broke of the gooseberries cheating on each other?

This is a sad state of currant affairs.

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The president was getting his daily briefing about world affairs...

The president was getting his daily briefing about world affairs. His advisor concluded it with, "and yesterday three Brazilian soldiers were killed in a coordinated attack."

"That's terrible!" responded the president. "We need to act now. I need to talk directly with the people. Set up a time for it, and start working on my statement about it."


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Always marry a fat woman..

So that she can't run after you when she discovers your affairs

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Apparently, Nevada has the highest rate of depression and disloyal partners.

What a sad state of affairs.

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I went to college to study foreign affairs

And now I know how to cheat on my wife with a russian beauty!

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Did you hear about the military magazine?

They cover everything from major events, general matters to private affairs.

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Family politics


A mother-in-law was welcoming her newly wed daughter-in-law and explaining the hierarchy:

"I am Vice President, Home Affairs Minister as well as Finance Minister of this house.

Your Father-in-law is the President, Defense and Security Minister and Foreign Affairs Minister.

My Son, I mean your husband, runs the Ministry of Demand and Supply, Financ


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I recently put my finger in a socket

Its current affairs.

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Why did the dam operator become a journalist?

He was caught up on current affairs.

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Did you know Nebraska has the highest rate of depression and extramarital activity?

It's a sad state of affairs.

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I read a book about extramarital affairs and spinning tops....

I guess I didn't expect so many trysts and turns.

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Joke

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Husband: Sweetheart, i'm going for 3 days church conference.

Wife: OK; but let's commit your Journey into the hands of God in prayer.

Husband: lead us in prayer then.

Wife: God grant my husband great
Journey.

Husband: very loud Ameeeeeeeen.!

Wife: Don't gr


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If Donald Trump gets impeached....

he could always apply for the Bureau of Public Affairs.

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Why does bugs bunny read the newspaper every morning?

To keep up with carrot affairs.

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Doctor, how can I live longer

Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?

Do you smoke?

No.

Do you eat too much?

No.

Do you go to bed late?

No.

Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?

No.

Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?

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What's the similarities between doing affairs with saudis and sleeping with a feminist?

You have to set up camp down there for 5 days before there is any business

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Michigan is leading in rates of both marital infidelity and depression.

It's a sad state of affairs.

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How can I live longer than 100 years?

Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?

Do you smoke?
No.

Do you eat too much?
No.

Do you go to bed late?
No.

Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?
No.

Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?

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An aircraft bound for Florida with two hundred and forty passengers on board ran into some engine problem....



The plane was sure to crash so the pilot alerted all the crew members about this sad state of affairs and told them all to get hold of a parachute each and jump off the plane.


A young steward asked the captain, “What about the passengers, sir?”


“Fuck the passengers!” the captain replied.


Said the stew


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Scientists don't have affairs...

They have THOT experiments.

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What do you get when two Canadians are trying to pass each other in a narrow hallway?

A sorry state of affairs.

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The doctor told me to get my affairs in order because I didn't have long to live

[deleted]

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Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?

Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?

Do you smoke?
No.

Do you eat too much?
No.

Do you go to bed late?
No.

Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?
No.

Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?

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Why are raisins so unfaithful?

They're always having currant affairs

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Why wife kill her husband with Poison

Man On His Death Bed Confesses
A Man On His Death Bed
Confesses To His Wife :

I Had Affairs With Your Sister,
With your Best Friend and Even Our Maid..:(
.
.
Wife:
I Know Darling
Now Relax,
Let The Poison Work...:-)

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Did you hear about the raisin that slept with another raisin's wife?

No? You're obviously not up to date with currant affairs.

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Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery?

Currant Affairs

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I have beautiful children

Thank god my wife is having affairs

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I hate the fact that Tiger Woods was scrutinized for having multiple affairs.

[deleted]

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What is the best definition of irony?

i·ro·ny
ˈīrənē/
noun

a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result.

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Geez, there's a lot of people on this Ashley Madison list...

It's a pretty bad state of affairs

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State of Affairs in the USSR during the Cold War

USSR: "No one will be lenin a hand to the USSR"

NATO: "Oh quit stalin, and trot on over to good ol capitalism."

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How does a gay forester calls his diary where he keeps account of all his affairs?

A heath ledger

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Things to avoid in conversation: religous beliefs , world affairs, and politics.

Welcome to Reddit! : D

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I like to think that the lead singer of Limp Bizkit sorts out his own affairs before seeing to other peoples...

Durst's things First

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A lawyer, priest and doctor... (pretty long joke)

A doctor, priest and lawyer have a wealthy friend on his deathbed. The wealthy man tells them "I know they say you can't take it with you but I'm willing to try. I'm going to give you duffel bags with 5 million in cash each and at my funeral I want each of you to put it in my grave". Sure enough the wealthy man passes and the 3 friends meet up at the wake. The doctor, look


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The footballer's wife

One day, the footballer's wife felt very repentant and decided to confess to her husband about her affairs. She went to him and said:


"My dear, I've wanted to tell you this for a very long time, but I couldn't until now."


"What's the matter, honey?" asked the footballer.


"I've had three af


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What do you call a space probe that has a lot of love affairs?

A Philaenderer

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A desperate woman...

... was confronting her husband one night, after she got tiered of his affairs. The husband was a business man and he was leaving town frequently and while she was complaining about his affairs, he was packing for his next business trip, ignoring her.


"*If you walk through that door, I will cheat on you, tonight, with the first man I'll set my eyes on. I am sick and t


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What did JFK say about his multiple affairs?

"I did them not because they were easy, but because I was hard."

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I made a joke: What is a fruit bun's favourite subject in a Pub Quiz?

What is a fruit bun's favourite subject in a Pub Quiz?


Currant affairs.

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I got silver for cheating on my wife.

I'm always medalling in affairs.

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What is one thing...

That Bill Clinton failed at?

*Domestic affairs*

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