Advantage

Jokes

A son was helping his father mow grass (an actual dad joke my dad told me)

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Jeff Bezos should take advantage of the recent news.

Amazon Fire sale! All Amazon Fire products 20% off!

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An old man checks out the local Nudist Colony to see if he wants to join

The clerk invites him to take a nude, self tour. He agrees and proceeds to go for his tour, completely naked, sporting only his cigar... not five minutes into his stroll he sees a beautifully shaped young lady in the buff which aroused him quickly... the young lady, noticing his erection decides to take advantage of good thing which pleases the the old cigar smoker... in his excitement to return


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The advantage of easy origami is...

Two fold...

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Jewish people have an advantage in hot dog eating contests

[deleted]

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Im worried about my friend from Truro. Hes got in with a bad crowd and theyre taking advantage of him, getting him to do their dirty work.

He’s a Cornish patsy.

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My Professor asked whats the advantage of sexual reproduction?

“Fuck if I know”

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When life gives you lemons...

...take advantage of lemon law.

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What is the mechanical advantage of a gas chamber?

Nein.

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What is the mechanical advantage of a gas chamber?

Nein.

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Did you hear now that Robert Kraft is in legal trouble because hes been taking advantage of women, Gillette is pulling its sponsorship from the Patriots??

Neither have I.

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There is one advantage to being an anti-vaxxer.

Child cemetery plots are way cheaper than adult ones.

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What do you get when you cross a mountain range with 40 elephants?

A strategic military advantage against the Romans in the Second Punic War.

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Two gentlemen meet for a duel...

The first gentleman, who challenged the other after being humiliated, is a man of honor. "I am the one who has challenged you. As such, I shall allow you to choose our weapons." He opens a case with two swords and two guns. "Would you like to duel with swords, or guns?"

The second gentleman is trained with a sword, and knows that his opponent is skilled with a fire


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One advantage to buying porn on DVD...

The gag reel.

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I'm the Sofa King, and I own a chain of furniture stores. You all should come down to my store to take advantage of my low, low prices.

My prices aren't just great; they're Sofa King great.

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What's the advantage of having a blonde with you in a car?

You can park in a handicap spot.

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Why do female vampires have an advantage over male vampires?

Because they get free supply of blood once a month.

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Why do female vampires have an advantage over male vampires?

Because they get free supply of blood once a month.

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What is the advantage of being a prostitute over other jobs?

Lesser the experience, the better the pay

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My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.

I take that as a compliment.

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I was in the pub last night and I took advantage of a young girl.

When she went to toilet, I took her chair.

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What do job opportunities and me have in common?

My uncle has taken advantage of both.

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What do job opportunities and me have in common?

My uncle has taken advantage of both.

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What is the advantage of being a test tube baby?

A room with a view

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A team of black inmates play basketball against a team of white inmates in prison. The black inmates win. Why?

Home court advantage.

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Our math teacher had a big crush on me, so I took advantage of the situation and asked her to masturbate for me.

Ok, I'm pretty sure I said "for me", not "in front of the whole class".

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What advantage do midgets have over everyone else

They always understand people

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When life gives you lemons...

...take advantage of lemon law.

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How to use religion to your advantage

1. Claim divine visitation of some nature
2. ???
3. Prophet

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During debates, when my opponents said a word that had different meanings based on its spelling, I would take advantage of it and use the word's other meaning to attack them personally.

It was an ad homonym.

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What's the biggest advantage to speed reading?

You can take a shit in half the time

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Scam alert! Men beware

During the recent hot weather here in the UK we have had a couple of young women operating a scam at our local supermarket. They offer a while-you-wait car valeting service - you just drive in and while you sit there, one of them washes the outside of the car while the other vacuums the inside. They're both really fit-looking and wear skimpy shorts and sleeveless T-shirt. What happens is that


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We need to stop mixing races. By doing so it creates people with an unfair advantage when it comes to competition.

No matter how hard I try I still can't outrun a Nascar.

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What is an advantage of having Alzheimer ?

Each joke on r/jokes isn't a repost

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It's a good thing the Vatican can't make war with Antarctica.

Since it's not a nation it's probably a non-issue. If it were, though, I would think Antarctica has an unfair advantage because every direction at the south pole is North so the Vatican couldn't rely on their Cardinal's directions.

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Whats the advantage of having both Alzheimers and Parkinsons?

You forget to shake.

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What do you call a drug addicted woman who takes advantage of a mentally disabled man for years?

Jennay.

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You really shouldn't take advantage of Jesus.

That would be propheteering.

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A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church

The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"
"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,&


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I taught my son an important life lesson about how to not to be taken advantage of.

[deleted]

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I taught my son a valuable life lesson today about not letting people take advantage of you.

It cost him £50.

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Have you ever been taken advantage of because you have dyslexia?

She had me convinced she was a sexi lady.

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What's the similarity between chess and the world?

White has an advantage.

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Ugliness has one advantage over beauty

It's permanent.

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Now that we know Trump takes all of his cues from Fox and Friends we should use it to our advantage...

I bet if we all banded together and put together a multi step, long term plan we could eventually get them to make Trump shove a banana up his ass on national TV.

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Frank's parents are out for the night, so he takes advantage and eats some shrooms he's been saving.

[deleted]

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What is the advantage of having an extremely long dick?

You don't have to wait 9 months to fuck the toddler.

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How does the NSA take advantage of the Patriot Act and wiretap everyone?

They wait until St Patrick’s day when people start texting each other “hey you wanna do some Irish car bombs?” The words “car bombs” are more than likely a key phrase the NSA looks for.

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A girl who was stoned on pot was taken advantage of by a man in Saudi Arabia...

He got stoned too.

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