Acute

Jokes

I think my cardiologist is in to me

He said I had acute angina

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Teacher: "What is a compliment to a 45 degree angle?"

Student: "My you're looking acute today."

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What's the medical condition of a 30-year-old virgin?

Acute virginosis.

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A blonde has sharp pains in her side...



She goes to the hospital. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."

The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."

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A blonde man is in bed with a women

The women says, “I must warn you, I have an acute ‘V-Giny’”

The man replies, you also have cute breasts”

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An old couple met in a nursing home

Neither the old man nor the old woman had been intimate in years.

They fell in love and decided to have sex after a few months of knowing each other.

As they start getting undressed the old woman says “I should warn you, I have acute angina.”

The old man replies “well that’s good because your tits sure are ugly!”


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An old couple meets at a retirement home.

After a few dates, they're sitting on the woman's bed. The old man puts his hand on her thigh, but she rests her hand on his with a concerned look on her face.

"I have to tell you something.", she says. "I have acute angina."

The man responds, "I certainly hope so, because your tits are terrible!"


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What do you call a pretty girl, when you don't know English properly?

Acute Angle.

PS.. these girls are Hot... But not more than 89 degrees.

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Why are acute angles always so depressed?

Because they're never right

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I punched the Doctor this morning. Thats for saying my wife has a cute fanny i said.

The Doctor screamed “You idiot,i told her she had acute angina.!

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An elderly couple get married

On the wedding night, the bride enters the bedroom wearing her sexiest evening wear.

Be careful with me, she says. I have acute angina.

That's good, the groom responds. Because your tits look like shit

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Therapist: It seems like you have acute marriage phobia. Do you know the symptoms?

Man: Can’t say that I do.

Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.

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It's hard to care for an obtuse patient

with acute symptoms but you should treat them well, because it's the right thing to do.

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A man was stabbed with a protractor.

The pain was acute.

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Angles

I don’t get the point in angles. They are too confusing. I like cute stuff, but... ah... ah... OBTUSE(sneeze) anyways, I like cute stuff, but angles aren’t acute subject. But then I have a revolution. I just have to keep a straight mind.

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I have three sons with acute Autism

Alfie F-four;

Liam F-four;

Terrence F-four;

They really don't like you to push their buttons.

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INB4 all those nay sayers say that black holes are flat

Its acute

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What do you call an angle which is adorable?

Acute angle

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An old man and old woman go out for a date

The date goes well so they go back to the womans place. Almost immediately they start fooling around. Next thing you know the old man is unbuttoning her shirt when she stops him.
"We have to slow down" she says, "I have acute angina."

"Good," the old man replies, "cuz your titties are fucking nasty."


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What do you call an acute triangle that is dangerous?

A bermute triangle!

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A doctor told its patient they do not need acute care...

Patient says “that’s good news!”

The doctor then follows up saying “you need anugly care.”

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Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time and Julie whispers, "I should warn you, Ted, I've got acute angina."



Ted responds, "Your breasts aren't bad either!"

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Wife: I saw Dr Freidrick today, he says I have acute angina.

Husband: But isn’t Dr. Friedrick is your gynaecologist?

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Therapist: It seems like you have an acute fear of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?

Man: I can’t say that I do.

Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.

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Singles bar

An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in.

The old woman stops him and says, “before we do this, I should tell you that I have a


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The Old Couple

The old couple had fallen in love at the retirement village.

Eventually, he put the hard word on her.

"Oh, yes!", she said, as she hurriedly started undressing. "But I must tell you, I have acute angina."

"Well that's good 'cause you've got lousy tits", he replied.


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The Old Couple

The old couple had fallen in love at the retirement village.

Eventually, he put the hard word on her.

"Oh, yes!", she said, as she hurriedly started undressing. "But I must tell you, I have acute angina."

"Well that's good 'cause you've got lousy tits", he replied.


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Are you cold?

Come sit in the corner. It's 90º.

That's an acute joke.

No, it's right.

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Dirty Old Man Joke 537

And old man and an old woman who have both been widowed for years plan on marrying. They discuss married life and the man asks the woman how she feels about sex. She says "I don't know, I have acute angina".
The man replies. "That's good cause your face is not much to look at."


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What do you call an attractive looking pizza?

Acute slice.

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I'm almost certain that I have numerous physical and mental disorders.

I definitely have depression, binge eating disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, manic episodes, ADHD, premature ejaculation, insomnia, learning disabilities, Tourette's, and acute stress disorder.

But every time I go to the doctor they just tell me I have hypochondriasis.

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An old man and woman snuck into the broom closet at the retirement home for a romp...

They undressed and were about to fuck when the woman realized she should warn the man about her heart condition.

"I should tell you, I have acute angina," she said.

"Good," said the man, "because you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen!"

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An English E meets a French

and says 'That's acute accent.'

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Are you a 45 degree angle?

Because you're acute-y.

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Mathematicians have a guardian angle....

I heard it protects them from acute pain and obtuse people.

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What's a niche view on Math?

Acute angle.

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A young man goes to ask his girlfriends father for her hand in marriage.

The father says "We'd be delighted to welcome you into our family - but just to be clear, you know she has acute angina?"

And the boyfriend says "Yeah, and a great rack too!"

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The Prostitute

A prostitute is recently diagnosed with heart trouble but decides to go to "work" anyway.

She is approached by a potential customer and tells him, "It's gonna be 50 dollars, but I have to tell you, I have acute angina."

He replies, "Well I hope so, because your face is kind of ugly."


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Wordplay

A prostitute is recently diagnosed with heart trouble but decides to go to "work" anyway.

She is approached by a potential customer and tells him, "It's gonna be 50 dollars, but I have to tell you, I have acute angina."

He replies, "Well I hope so, because your face is kind of ugly."


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An elderly couple are about to have sex in a nursing home supply closet.

The woman decided to warn the man about her heart condition. “ You need to know this, I have acute angina.”

“That’s good news.” The man replied, “because you have the ugliest pair of tits I have ever seen.”

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An old couple met for a romp

in the broom closet at the retirement home. They undressed and were about to fuck when the woman realized she should warn the man of her heart condition.
“I should tell you”, she said, “I have acute angina”.
The man replied, “That’s good, because you have the ugliest breasts I’ve ever seen.”


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Hey girl, are you a small angle?

Cause damn, you're acute!

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Yet another day at the retirement community.

George and Helen had been flirting with each other for weeks and finally found themselves at a point where intimate relations were mere moments away.

Helen, trusting in the moment, whispers to George, "Be gentle, I have acute angina."

George, a bit hearing impaired, replies, "Thank God, your tits don't do a thing for me. "


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I once had sex with a girl who had an 89 vagina

She really had acute pussy

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I once had sex with a girl who had a 90 vagina

She had acute pussy

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A man and his wife goes to the doctor because she is experiencing shortness of breath and she comes out of the exam room saying, "Well, the doc thinks I have a nice cooter!"

"What in the actual fuck?!!" says the husband.

"That's what the doctor said. My problem is that I have a nice cooter."

The husband is pissed and goes in to talk to the doctor.

"What's this about my wife having a nice cooter? I need a damn good explanation."

"That's not what I said," replies


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Did you hear how Satan used to be an angle up in heaven?

He was acute until he took a 180.

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Doctor said I have acute pharyngitis.

I said, “sorry doc, I’m married.”

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I just sent this to my office: Down with high grade fever and top level congestion combined with extreme body ache along with worst cough in addition to acute pain in the chest as well as strongest headache and a possible case for hyper blood pressure.

Belated April Fool's.

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Why did the mathematician take so long to take a selfie?

He couldn’t figure out acute angle.

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