Ache

Jokes

I had a stomach ache and went to see the doctor

doctor: i have to remove your colon
me why

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A very heavy blond went to the clinic to lose weight.

The doctor told her to eat what she normally ate for three days and then skip a day. He told her she would have lost at least 4 pounds till the next month.

She came back four weeks later, 30 pounds lighter! The doctor looked at her surprised and said "How do you feel now?"

Blonde: "I am so sorry and tired. My muscles ache all over!"

Doctor


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Well people have been telling me "Pull it out, Pull it out man", but it hasn't helped my ache.

\*A guy is Walking down the street his hand on his check and moaning.\*

\*A guy passing by notices him an approaches him\*

Passer By: Hey man you ok, why are you moaning?

The guy: Well I've got this terrible toothache that doesn't seem to go away.

Passer By: Well you should get it fixed then.

The Guy: I've tried, what


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Did you hear about the vegetable who started cycling?

He had to stop because he got spin-ache

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What do you call a painful feeling thats like a flat breakfast food?

A pan ache

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What do Jamaican basketball players say when they catch the ball wrong?

“JAM!” “ACHE!” “AHHHHH!”

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What does beast get when he eat too much?

a belle-y ache

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Skiing injuries

What a piste ache.

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I hit someone with my car and ate them afterwards.

It gave me a stomach ache. It was a case of hit and runs.

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A salesman has to travel to Pittsburg for work...

Long

When he gets to the ticket line at the airport, he is caught by how beautiful, and voluptuous, the desk clerk is.
She asks “can I help you?”
And he stammers out “one picket to titsburg please!”
Embarrassed, he apologizes, corrects himself, and gets his ticket.
For the next three days he’s hung up on his mistake, and feels the


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Marriage is a tummy ache

Divorce is a laxative

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At what time does a Toddlers tooth ache?

“Tooth hurty”

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I had a Vasectomy yesterday, and I can confirm...

It’s a real ball ache.

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The masochist realized he had let an opportunity to inflict some pain on himself slip by.

It was a missed ache.

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When your coworker starts complaining about some ache or pain on Thursday...

Me: So what you're saying is that I'll be covering your shift tomorrow.

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This headache sure is something else!

Maybe its a back ache...

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I had a stomach ache the other night

So I went to the doctor to get it checked out and found out I had stomach cancer it’s a god thing my doctor gave me aspirin because my stomach was killing me.

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What do you call a vegetable with back pain?

A spine-ache

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My wife said, "it looks uncomfortable growing all that facial hair under your nose..."

must ache

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What do ghosts take when they have a stomach ache?

PhanTUMS

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What do you get hanging from Apple trees?

Arm ache.

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If one 5-Hour Energy shot gives you five hours of energy, what do two 5-Hour Energy shots give you?

A stomach ache.

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I almost bruised myself yesterday

It was a missed ache

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What do you get when you eat a bunch of uranium?

Atomic ache

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The business man...

A business man begins experiencing an ache in his groin. He shrugs it off and continues with his life. Over time the ache gets more and more uncomfortable until he one day goes to the doctors to get it checked out. The doctor can't understand why he feels an ache, but assumes it could lead to a potentially worse condition, so he books him in to get his testicles removed.

After th


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Crap happens

Called in sick to work cause I had a stomach ache and felt constipated.

Got fired.

Couldn't give a crap even if I wanted to.

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I went to the doctor.

I went to the doctor with a stomach ache and I left with cancer! I was mad as hell!

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I sucked off a shark last night...

Now I have jaw ache

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I had a stomach ache...

My SO asked what's wrong,
I said "I have a clog in my intestines"
she responds with "you need to stop eating shoes"

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What did the chickpea with a stomach ache say?

I falafel.

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What does a Jew, in Poland with a Stomach ache have?

The Auschits

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There is only one type of cake I don't like

Stomach ache

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"Doctor doctor, I've been bitten by a fox!"

"Take this, for fox ache!"

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With all this uranium on Reddit, we should remember not to swallow any.

You'll get atomic ache

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The American Soldier...

Now Remember this is a joke... i am actually American and THIS IS JUST A JOKEEE===== NOO HATTE PLLSS :D (comment for some karma :)

So once there was an American Soldier who went to Afghanistan for war. After a few days he was feeling a tummy ache and a head ache. He went to the nearest American Doctor and told him " I have a tummy ache and head" The doctor gave him some pill


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What do you do for a frog with a belly ache?

Rubbit.

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What gave the blonde a stomach ache?

Nivea milk.

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What do you call a stomach ache you get from eating a Cuban sandwich?

Castro-intestinal distress.

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What did the chick pea say when it got a stomach ache?

I falafel.

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Guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. While he sits there he notices a jar full of money on the bar. Next to the jar is a sign that reads, "complete the challenge win the prize." Curious, the guy asks the bartender about the challenge. The bartender explains there are three parts that must be completed. First: Down a gallon of tequila straight in under five minutes.


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