Accurate

Jokes

Hogwash

It's eerily accurate although the uniforms are wrong.

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We had a family cat when I was younger, and it became pretty clear that he was deaf, so we took him to the vet. They actually had a pretty accurate and involved test.

They stood behind him and clapped really loud.

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What video game is an accurate representation of the American School System?

Enter the Gungeon

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What do you call prostitutes with an accurate ear?

Superherewhores

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Ive been performing a scientific study on toddlers. When they trip and smash their heads they sometimes cry but other times they jump right back up laughing. I cant figure out a pattern that explains the difference in behaviour. Maybe my sample size is too small for accurate results.

I’ll trip another 100 and report back

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The scary thing about watch dogs 3

Is the fact it's accurate representation on britian

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My girlfriend told me that I always kept correcting people's sentences and that I should be called Ross.

I told her that if she really wanted to be accurate then I should be called Ted Mosby instead. I wonder why she got so pissed off

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Jesus is always depicted as having a beard, but I know thats not accurate. Want to know why?

Because Jesus Shaves!

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The only thing about Chernobyl that wasn't accurate

Russian's don't have a British accent.

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What is it called when you accurate measurements of booty?

Ass matter ass facts.

There's probably a better way to work it but it's OC.

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Attractive nurses probably never get accurate pulse readings from their patients.

Neither do ugly ones.

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The bible is 100 accurate

When thrown at a close range...

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The worlds most accurate weather forecast can now be found in the palm of your hand!

Just hold out your hand. It’ll never lie!

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I don't believe the laws of gravity are accurate.

Does that make me an Anti-Gravite?

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The problem with quotes is that they mostly aren't historically accurate

- Isaac Newton

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If santa becomes a women

Ho Ho Ho would finally be accurate.

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Can anyone explain what mysoginistic means please?

Preferably a man, to be accurate.

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A family are in a museum of history and see a dinosaur skeleton

The father asks the guard standing nearby now old it is

The guard says "20 million and 43 years sir."

"That's awfully exact, how did they figure it out to such an accurate number?" The dad asks.

"Well it was 20 million years old when I was hired, and that was 43 years ago, the guard said.


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A family are in a museum of history and see a dinosaur skeleton

The father asks the guard standing nearby now old it is

The guard says "20 million and 43 years sir."

"That's awfully exact, how did they figure it out to such an accurate number?" The dad asks.

"Well it was 20 million years old when I was hired, and that was 43 years ago, the guard said.


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My son met a cloaked skeleton once and apparently, he was a very friendly guy.

I'm not sure it's an accurate reapersentation.

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My 100 accurate, fool proof, pedophile test...

Answering the following question with your first instinct without thinking. In which movie was Drew Barrymore hotter. Charlies Angels: Full Throttle or E.T.

Works every time.

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The Bayeux Tapestry is not strictly accurate historically.

The whole story has been embroidered. Typically, by the winners. Some say it was a stitch-up!

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My Thanksgiving dinners are historically accurate

I invite myself into a stranger's house for dinner, eat all his food and then tell him I live there.

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Uh.. Lousy Manager..


A Project Manager is floating about 30 ft off the ground in a balloon.
He spots a man on the ground and calls out.

Man in Balloon: "Where am I?"
Man of Ground: "You're 30 ft off the ground in a balloon."

Man in Balloon: "You must be a programmer"
Man of Ground: "How did you know?"

Man in Ba


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I always thought the origin of the word "politics" was a strangely accurate description of itself.

"Poli-" meaning "many",

"-tics" meaning "bloodsucking parasites."

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With the number of reposts on this site

"Reddit" is a pretty accurate name

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The man said,"This thermometer is garbage!'

It's only accurate to a certain degree.

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I thought of a more accurate name for football

[deleted]

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Why are Sith measurements not as accurate as Jedis'?

Because a Sith deals only in absolutes.

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Missiles

They don't sound very accurate

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Is it accurate to say that it isn't irritating when building understudies call themselves engineers?

It's idiotic. You don't hear medicinal understudies calling themselves specialists or workmanship understudies calling themselves baristas.

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Who is the most historicaly accurate character in Battlefield V?

\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\*

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Studies found on the internet show

Not all studies you Find on the internet are true or accurate

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Why was astrology invented?

So economics would seem like an accurate science.

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My mother in law complained that the thermometer I gave her (which she hung in a very sunny spot) wasn't showing an accurate temperature.

So I told her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.

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A group of researchers were investigating the behavior of bar visitors

They noticed that from opening until closing, 127 people entered the bar and 128 exited. Different scientists tried to explain this anomaly.

The biologist said, "they evidently must have biologically reproduced, resulting in the extra specimen."

The physicist said, "clearly, there's an imperfection in our measurements. We must try again more accurate p


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Accurate title

Original joke

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An emo became a perfect film editor

An emo became a perfect film editor... he made very accurate cuts

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Two developers are working on a simulation when it suddenly goes haywire before returning to normal

Dev 1: Did you see that? I think the simulation just broke for a second.
Dev 2: I think it's more accurate to say it glitched.
Dev 1: Dude, I'm not about to argue over sim antics.

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Why is North Korea so accurate at measuring microscopic distances?

They have a supreme ruler

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How many idiots does it take to measure one's IQ?

7, 1 for raising question about one's intelligence, 1 for raising question about how one can compete with other people regarding intelligence, 1 for having a serious mental illness for having obsession over one's superiority, 1 for making IQ test, 1 for taking that IQ test, 1 for arguing about how accurate the result is, and 1 for having eternal complacency by lying to self.


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"It ain't dumb if it works"

is actually pretty accurate when talking about trophy wives.

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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was NOT an accurate depiction of what really happened.

They used different chainsaws.

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To trace my ancestry in the most accurate way possible, my doctor asked for samples of my blood, urine, semen, and poop...

So I just left him my underwear.

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A blond starts working for the RCMP

As part of her job, she sometimes goes out on hiking trails to see if anyone needs help. One day, her boss calls her in to talk with her.

Her boss tells her, "We have been getting a lot of people saying you saved them from hypothermia. More than anyone else in the RCMP! We would like to know; what is your secret?"

"Oh, sir, they're wrong! None of them


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What makes bows so accurate?

Arrowdynamics.

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What gets less accurate when you give it more information?

The windows search bar.

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When is the bible accurate?

When thrown from a close range

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A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist...

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people coming out of the house. The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate". The Biologists conclusion: "They have reprodu


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My mom just called me a motherfucker . . .

If she had called me a son of a bitch, that would've been more accurate.

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