Accept

Jokes

I knew a rabbi who wouldnt accept payment for circumcisions,

He only took tips

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What do mourners and memers have in common?

We both need to adjust and learn to accept loss.

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There was this physicist who came to the ice cream bar every day

to buy two ice creams: one for himself and another that he offers to the empty spot next to him.

Eventually, the ice cream salesman asks him: "Why do you keep doing that?"

P: "Well... quantum mechanics teach us that it's theoratically possible for a girl to spontaneously burst into existence next to me and would want to accept my gift and be my girlfri


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A man comes to a Smart dealership and tries to buy a Fortwo with a big pile of money.

The dealer inspects it and says "Sir, I can't accept that. It's counterfeit. That's not real money."

The customer replies "Well, that's not a real car either."

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What do you call someone who refuses to accept that they're swimming in an African river?

in de Nile.

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"If you were offered $50K for free but to accept the offer, the person you hate the most will receive $100K, would you do it?"

"Sure I would. Why would I decline $150K?"

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"If you were offered $50K for free but to accept the offer, the person you hate will receive $100K, would you do it?"

"Sure I would, why would I say no to $150K?"

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A guy buys a parachute and asks the shop owner..

.. do you accept returns, in case it doesn't work?

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A guy buys a parachute and asks the shop owner..

.. do you accept returns, in case it doesn't work?

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The real reason Megan Rapinoe wont accept a White House invitation is...

...because they serve fast food to champions.

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A mushroom walks into the bar. The bartender says "sorry we don't accept your kind here."

The mushroom replies "but i'm a fungi."

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A man walks into a Liquor Store...

...and walks back to the whiskey section. He picks up a bottle of Jack Daniels Black Label and walks up to the counter.

​

The clerk rings it up, and the man places two tents on the counter.

​

"What's this?", asks the clerk.

​

"it's my payment", s


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This guy tried to join the Anti Dairy Brigade, but they wouldn't accept him because he has no feet.

Turns out they are lack-toes intolerant.

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Why are there no toilets in some banks?

Because they don't accept such deposits.

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Naomi was becoming frustrated with her husband Thomas frequent demand for sex.

While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper,

“Honey, your never ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter ‘T’. Don’t be mad at me, love you."

On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge doo


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IKEA won't stop calling me!

Why can't they accept I only wanted one night stand

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My brother saw a picture of Keanu Reeves and said "hay that's the guy from fortnite

He at the church stears now
Hope they baptise that lil jew before they accept him

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Apparently there's a country in Europe where the people don't accept payment in cash, via card or even through a contactless system.

The Cheque Republic.

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Do not accept a friend request from Hormel Foods.

It could be Spam.

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NSFW? My friend was looking for a woman who would accept him for his erectile dysfunction but he never found her, I guess he just didnt look hard enough

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Most girls are like modern computers

They won’t accept my 3 1/2” floppy

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A sexist man went to the phychologist.

Phychologist: The first thing you have to do is to accept who you are.

Man: I don't need a woman to tell me that!

Phychologist: Ok, next step.

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My dyslexic friend won't accept that he is gay.

He's still in Daniel.

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My friend is in an Egyptian river but he doesn't accept it.

He's in denial.

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Titles of Books for Children, Teens and Parental Guides That REALLY need to be written amp published!

Parental Self Help: Teaching Your Kids How To Hitchhike

Kittens Can Fly! ...Sort of?

Stranger Candys Not Soooo Bad

They’re Using My Middle Name, I must Be In Deep Shit!

Daddy Went For Smokes, 13 Years Ago

Ask Your Fucking Mother!

Job Hunting in Bangladesh for 6 Year Olds

Using Sharpies on the Wall &a


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I used to accept the fact that when you pee in public, sometimes you get other people's pee on your shoes...

But ever since my sex change operation, I just don't stand for it.

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On the railway station, I read, "Never accept anything from strangers"

So, I didn't buy the ticket.


Just got out of jail

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I can see that my friend has fallen out of a river boat in Egypt but he refuses to accept it.

I think he’s in denial.

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Why are people more willing to accept gays these days?

We are more inclusive to people with mental disabilities

I mean, more pollution causing brain damage leading to less sensible decisions

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I dont accept nudes, I tell the girls to cover up

Go ahead, send me a nude and see what I say

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A son comes out as bisexual to his father.

A son comes out as bisexual to his father and asks if his father will still accept him. The father says yes of course he will.

A few months later the son fails his driving test and asks if his father will accept him. At that age the father used to cycle to school because he had failed it many times himself, so he understands and says that he still accepts him.

A few days


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My dyslexic friend refuses to accept he is gay.

He's still in Daniel.

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Terms and Conditions Apply

"Tick Accept" -NEXT

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It took a while to accept that I was both gay and dyslexic

I was in Daniel.

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How many doctors opinions does an antivaxxer need to hear before they accept the truth?

None, the doctors only give them facts.

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An american,an indian and a nepalese soldier

An american,an indian and a nepalese soldier got into a argument over who could hunt a tiger in shortest time.
The american went to the jungle and returned 3 days later with a tiger,and started gulping down his beer.
The nepalese went to the jungle and returned 1 week later with a dead tiger,and started gulping down his tumba(nepalese local alcohol).
Now indian soldier went to th


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The Mexican wasn't allowed into the therapist's office because..

.. they didn't accept Joaquins

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The Mexican wasn't allowed in tbe therapist's office because..

.. they didn't accept Joaquins

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Republicans announced they're cutting funding to the Special Olympics

"We don't accept welfare."

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I sexually identify as a llama.

And if you don’t accept me, then you’re an is-llama-phobe.

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When you love her that much.

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let's start from your bank account.

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Just been on a diabetes awareness website....

It asked me if i accept cookies.




Is that a trick question?

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It already wasn't easy to accept that my father is gay. But it was even more difficult when I eventually discovered that...

...my other father is too.

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I was at work the other day and after telling a customer what he owed, he handed me a bag of Tyson wings and drummettes.

I said to him, "Sorry, we don't accept chicken tenders."

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A Spanish Archer walks into a bar.

He offers his "elbow" for payment. Wondering how he'll pay, you accept. When he pays, he gives you his bow, saying that he gave you "El Bow"

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Trump should Crowd fund his wall!

Does Kickstarter accept Peso?

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I am a builder from Sioux Falls, and I was recently in Madrid at a local tavern, and couldnt believe the amount of code violations in their building practices. This led me to accept that they are their own culture and....

Nobody inspects the Spanish inn condition.

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Did you hear about the Egyptian who refused to accept that he was drowning?

He was in denial

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A Pelican walks into a bar

The bartender says to the Pelican, “I’m sorry, but we don’t accept big bills.”

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Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas , but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to colle


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