Accent

Jokes

Penguins

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If a guy with only one arm speaks sign language,

is it a speech impediment or an accent?

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Inappropriate.

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A lot of people think that California residents don't have an accent

Idono if imunna agree withat.

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I always had troubles with people talking to me with a British accent. So, once I had that conversation:

Years ago I built a house in Minecraft with a British kid.

He asked me with a heavy British accent (please read this out loud with a British accent):

"Hey, Yaron, What is your favorite color?"

I didn't understand the heavy accent so I asked:

"what?"

He repeated: "what's your favorite color?"


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Mai ex's frozen hart broke mai feelings.

Ay shud skedjul an apoyntment wid mai dentist.


(Do I get a pass for making an accent-based joke in extremely poor taste if said accent is native to me? Honest question. I have a pretty crap sense of humour but don't wish to offend. I did give myself a stitch in my side when I thought of it though).


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When does Sean Connery's accent provide more information than regular English?

When he's sitting on a toilet.

(and you just read that in his voice)

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I went to visit my baby cousin in New Jersey recently.

She is getting to be potty trained, but for some reason, she would always cry. We couldn't figure it out! One day I asked her why she would always cry. She just responded, " it's my potty and I can cry if I want to. "

* It's funny if you do the heavy New Jersey accent.

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The Russian President doesnt even have a russian accent...

he's just Putin' it on

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Whale oil beef hooked.

Now say it with an Irish accent.

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Why do all ants have a British accent?

Because they colonize!

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How to say "3 cats sank" in a bad french accent

3, 4, 5

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Sam sees another person in a supermarket

Sam sees another person in a supermarket and stops him

Sam : hey what do you think of these products, are they good?

Person: sorry i spek less English

Sam: hmm that'sa nice accent tho, where are you from?

The person didnt hear him

Sam repeats the same thing louder

Person: oh, I'm Liberian

Sam: oh s


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Sam sees another person in a store...

Sam sees another person in a supermarket and stops him

Sam : hey what do you think of these products, are they good?

Person: sorry i spek less English

Sam: hmm that'sa nice accent tho, where are you from?

The person didnt hear him

Sam repeats the same thing louder

Person: oh, I'm Liberian

Sam: oh s


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So I walked into this bar and heard two girls speaking in what sounded like a lovely Scottish accent.

I walked over and said: "So, are you two girls from Scotland?"

One of them said: "Wales Idiot!"

So I said: "Oh, I am terribly sorry about that. So, are you two whales from Scotland?"

That's the last thing I remember. 

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The only thing about Chernobyl that wasn't accurate

Russian's don't have a British accent.

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Say "beer can" in a British accent...

There, I just taught you how to say "bacon" in a Jamaican accent. You're welcome.

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Since dead jokes seem to be doing well, what does a gay horse eat?

*In a gay accent - Haaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!*

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A man has an English accent which his wife hates...

“Why do you always speak like that?” She asked him. “Well I was born in London!” He exclaimed. “London... Ontario!” Shs replied

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To all the people who listen to my Indian accent and automatically assume Im in IT, let me tell you something.

That’s just a coincidence.

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10 Identical Fruits

One day Daniel, Jeremy, and Lake are walking down the street and a van pulls up. Five guys hop out and kidnap the trio. Then after being drugged they wake up in a forest. One of the guys who was in the van speaks in a heavy Russian accent and tells the boys to go out into the forest and come back with 10 identical fruits. So the three boys go out into the forest and the first one comes back with 1


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Am I the only person

who reads comments by Indians with Indian accent in my mind?

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An Englishman goes into a pub in Scotland

An Englishman goes into a pub in Scotland, where he meets a fair lass and decides to chat her up. He walk up to her and strikes up a conversation, makes a bit of small talk, and asks her a few questions about local culture, all of which she graciously answers.

Finally, he asks her, rather boldly, "So, what do you Scottish people do about sex?"

She answers, wit


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A Rabbi steps up to a urinal.

As he begins to urinate, a voice beside him says, "My friend, you are a Jew!"

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Slightly surprised, he replies, "Okay, so you're some kind of genius. You see my clothing, and my..." (he gestures to his crotch) "... and you figure I'm a Jew. Please let me finish in peace!"

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The


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This works best with a Scottish accent

So theirs a Scottish man walking around Glasgow With his cock in a wellington boot,

A copper says to him "Explain what ye are doin te me pal"

The guy goes "Ay jimmey am jus fuckinaboot"

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A man was trying to get a number from a Chinese lady with a strong accent

The lady said sex sex sex for free tonight

Her friend overheard this and corrected her saying 6664329

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After a girl at the bar heard my accent she came up to me and asked, Are you Swedish?

I looked at her with a smile said, “No, ma’am. I’m as sweet as they get.”

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A Boston man was arrested

During questioning, he was told that a person in the next interrogation room ratted him out for a better deal. The man exclaims, in a heavy Boston accent, "Don't listen to a word that guy says, he's a dirty liar!" To this, the officer replied, "He may be wearing a suit, but he's just a suspect. His lawyer hasn't even arrived yet."

‐-------


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Me: Whats a pirates favorite letter?

Them: “Arrrrrr”

Me in pirate accent: “No, a pirate’s first love be the *sea* matey”

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A horse in Russia walks into a bar, with a thick Russian accent the horse asks the bartender to pour him a glass of vodka.

Before I go on with the rest of the joke, you should know this joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of "I think therefore, I am." I'm explaining that part now because in soviet Russia the horse puts Descartes before himself.

The bartender says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don&


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An American walks into a pub

An American walks into a pub in London. He sits down, and as the bartender approaches he says "Howdy, I'll have a pint of Budweiser, please." The bartender pours the drink, sets it front him and says " Ah, you must be an American." The American says "How could you tell, by my accent, or my preference in beer?" The bartender replies "Neither, you're the


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Australian Olympic hurdler sees another athlete at the track carrying a long stick and asks him, 'are you a pole vaulter?'

He replies (in an accent) 'No,
actually I'm from Germany
and how did you know my name was Walter?'

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How to master Australian accent in seconds

Say "Rise Up Lights" out loud. *You just said razor blades in Australian accent.*

Don't stop there.

Say "Beer Can" with an English accent. *You just said Bacon in Jamaican accent.*

Mastered.

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A crane called into customer care

Customer care: Hello this is Amazon Customer care service. My name is Sophie. How may I help you?

Crane: I would like to know the status of my order of two big fishing poles.

Sophie: Please hold on sir....can you give me the package no?

Crane: 4201001666, by the way I like your accent. Can I know where are you speaking from?

Sophie: Ukraine


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An scotsman went to norway for vacation

He was going in a taxi , when suddenly a moose crossed in front of them
Scotsman: What was that?
Driver: It was a moose
Scotsman(in heavy accent): Take me back to the airport right now. If the mouse are this big then I don't wanna even see the rats.

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If me having a Russian accent means my B's sound like V's...

Soviet

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If you pronounce "fuck off" backwards.

you say it in a British accent.

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Your accent makes it sounding you were born in the USSR.

“Then Soviet.”

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They say that a French accent is one of the most attractive, but I know for a fact that this is bullshit.

Apparently, you have to actually *be* French as well in order for this to work

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A man was sitting at a pub. 2 very larg women were sitting across from him. They had very strong accents. He said, I love your accent. Are you ladies from Scotland? To which one of them responded,Its Wales you idiot!

Then he said, “Oh of course, I’m terribly sorry. Are you whales from Scotland?”

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What's the strongest accent in French?

Accent Circumflexe

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Works in a scottish accent what's the difference between a liver and a kidney?

a kidney tell you

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I texted my irish friend and told him I wanted to speak in an Irish accent

He texted back "Whale Oil Beef Hooked"

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What do you call an incident with someone who has an accent?

An *accent*dent

Now laugh you fools

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Whats the diffrence between LA girls and people with a spanish accent

People with a spanish accent roll there r's and La girl roll there i's

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Man: I love your accent - where were you born? Woman: Australia. Man: Oh really - what part?

Woman: All of me!

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Your English accent is so cute say chilly chicken

Silly siken.

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My coworkers think I'm from Texas because of my accent

Lemme tell you something, only steers and queers come from Texas. I'm not a steer, and I am *most certainly* not from Texas.

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Read in a british accent for best effect

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What does a Mexican accent sound like saying the presidents name?

Me Tsar Donald Trump

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