Absurd

Jokes

What do you call an absurd comedic production that wont end?

An unstoppable farce.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two guys are traveling in a train

First: It's a long journey, let's talk about something.


Second: Sure, what do you want to talk about?


First: Let's discuss our country's economy.


Second: Before we start talking about economy , answer my question first.


First: Sure, go ahead.


Second: If lamb, pig and bull ea


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man confronted his wife after finding out about her affair with his father.

Man: aren't you ashamed of your actions? You slept with my father!

Wife: Don't be absurd. If I had any shame, I'd never do such things.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The jokes on you.....

Trump is extremely concerned about the current political situation. He is not able to get his way with things due to media and people pressure to release Mueller report, his tax returns, China trade wars getting more complicated to his negotiation skills.....and he has hit a hard wall and starts praying to God....please help me out of this God.

As per the suggestion, he gets the dumbe


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

You Know What They Say About Eggs

All my friends tell me you know you've kept your eggs in the fridge for too long when they hatch, but that's absurd! I've had some in the fridge for months and there's hardly a crack.

​

But they are hissing at me.

​

........

​

​


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A lot of folks say that the the sexual perpetrators of the MeToo movement exercised an absurd abuse of power, but I dont think thats true at all.

They exercised an OBSCENE abuse of power.
An ABSURD abuse of power would be if Shinzo Abe was groped by a melted clock.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room.

Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, “You’ve given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?”

The desk clerk says, “Sir, that’s absurd. Have you looked for the door?”

The person says, ” Well, there’s one door that leads to the bathroom. There’s a second door that goes into the closet. And there’s a door I


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

LA Lakers end absurd offers for Anthony Davis...

Magic finally learned to pull out.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I have a friend whos a stand up comedian.

I had never gone to any of his shows, so I decided to watch one. It was really bizarre, and most of his jokes were about Buddhists and dueling. I decided to go back in a couple weeks and watch another, and again, all his jokes were about Buddhists. This time, however, the monks were rebuilding fences. After the show I ask him why his comedy is so absurd, and he tells me ‘you know, I’m


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I recently read an article that claimed 77 of redditors don't understand the concept of percentages.

That's absurd, there isn't even that many of us.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

White kid with a smirk standing his ground against invading native american, while black Jewish preachers throw racial slurs at them

The funny part is that this actually happened and made to national news. lol.

​

Note: Generalizing actors of this incident with sole purpose to make this absurd statement sound like a REAL joke.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A Priest, a Pastor, a Rabbi, and a Redditor walk into a bar...

The bartender, seeing the absurd entourage, scoffs and asks "Is this some kind of joke?"

The Redditor corrects him and says, "No actually, it's a repost"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

It's absurd to compare Donald Trump to Adolf Hitler

Hitler volunteered for the army.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What is the most absurd thing Christian Bale is proud of?

He looks like dick in his next movie.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A kid was playing with a ballon.

He was kicking here and there, until the ballon fell in the toilet.

He arrived, peered inside, saw the balloon wet, became disgusted, and left him there.

Shortly afterwards his father came in hastily to "vacate" and sat down without noticing the balloon. The lunch had been very heavy, and after being well relieved, looked as usual, into the toilet and wa


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Man: "I've always had this absurd feeling that I'm a cartoon character"

Psychologist: "That's a rather unusual state... How long have you felt this way?"

Man: "Ever since I was an outline..."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Q: How many members of a cultural, religious or social outgroup does it take to accomplish a routine task?

A: An arbitrary number: One or more to actually perform the task, and the remainder to behave in an absurd fashion consistent with perceived humorous stereotypes!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

That's absurd

My friend's father died last night so I asked him "What was the cause of his father's death?" He said, "A bus passed over his finger!" I laughed and told him: "It is not a suitable cause." My friend said: "When the bus crashed, his finger was on his nose!"


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Drunk Roman

After a good orgy that involved many concubines and plenty of mead a Roman citizen hops on his carriage speeding like a madman trying to get home, a centurion noticed him and pooled him over.

''Sir, are you drunk while driving? ''

"That's absurd, how dare you accuse me! "

"Alright sir I'll let you go if you tell


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

They keep speaking about those muslim gang rapes in Germany. This is absurd.

[deleted]

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If the universe were not absurd, would it make sense?

squid

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

We protest against the mods here! Sign the petition!

We want new rules and new mods here. No offensive jokes unless they're absurd or really, really subtle.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Christmas is pretty absurd...

...at least according to Jean-Paul Santra.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What? The square root of some numbers give us a infinite non-recurring decimal?

That's absurd!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How does an elephant hide in a strawberry patch? - She paints her toenails red.

I am collecting elephant jokes, particularly these absurd ones. If you know one please post it here.

Here is another.

How do you know if there are two elephants in you fridge? - The door won't close.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Most Absurd Jokes amp Funny Stories From A Life

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

20 Censored Movie Lines So Absurd They're Borderline Genius

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A Jew win the lottery.

A Jewish man buys a lottery ticket and wins, he begins handing out money. 100k to his mother, 50k to his sister, so on and so on... He then gives 20 million dollars to the Nazi party. His family is irate. " how could you, you kike bastard, that's just absurd." He replies, "it's the least I could do, they gave me the winning numbers". As he points to his forearm.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Top 10 Tips for Guys at Gym

1. Always throw your water bottle on the floor, never place it gently (keys, sometimes throw)
2. Always drop weights from as high as possible, so we know how much you're lifting
3. Every remark to another guy must include use of "bro" or "dude" to establish heterosexuality
4. Proper taunting must include a mention of "p*ssy or f*ggot; prefer


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Absurd

- If the Bible forbids drinking alcohol, why Jesus at the wedding turned water into wine?
- He was too skinny for carry heavy drugs.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Hole

(This joke is translated)

There was a town, a nice peaceful town, but this town was inhabited solely by blondes.


There was a serious issue plaguing this town, a giant hole in the ground, and every day people would fall victim to it.

It wasn't too deep, but deep enough that people would be seriosly injured, and many would die.



read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I Was Going To St. Ives, A Poem

I was going to St. Ives,

When I saw a man with Seven Wives.

I know it sounds absurd and looney,

But that poor man was Mickey Rooney!

(R.I.P. Mickey Rooney, 1920-2014)

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A person checks into a hotel...

for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room. Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, "You've given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?"

The desk clerk says, "Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?"

The person says, " Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door tha


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My doctor says I'm not eating a balanced diet...that's absurd.

I eat as many cookies with my left hand as I do with my right!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Just a quick plug for the rantiantijokes subreddit

It's absurd

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti..

She was right. The very premise is absurd.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE