Abstain

Jokes

Long NSFW Three couples wanted to join a very strict church.

As they met with with the Membership Committee, the Lead Elder told them they could join if they passed a simple test of purity.

"All you need to do it abstain from sexual intercourse for six months," he said. "Do that and you are in."

Six months passed and the three couples returned to meet with the committee. The first couple looked anxious, were tw


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A man visits the doctor for a checkup.

"Your vitals look fine," he said. "But it looks like your sperm count is a bit low. Have you felt any changes in sexual desire or had difficulty in bed?"

"Now that you mention it, the last few times I've had an orgasm, I've felt like my entire testicle was being sucked through my dick!"

"Oh dear," the doctor said. "It


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My wife and I had a talk about my drinking problem

She said: "I think you need to abstain from alcohol and face your problems."

I responded: "I need absinthe for my problems? And here I though I was the one with the drinking problems!"

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A couple wanted to join a church.

The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couple agreed. They came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"

"Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young ma


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I've heard most lawyers entirely abstain from anal sex

However, IANAL

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A young couple wanted to join a church.

The reverend told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."

The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband obviously very depressed.

"You are back so soon... Is there a problem?" th


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Three couples- An elderly couple, a middle aged couple, and young newlywed wanted to join a church...

The pastor says “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks. The couples agreed and came back in two weeks.

The pastor goes up to the elderly couple and asks “Were you able to abstain from having sex for two weeks?” The old man replies “No problem at all pastor.” “Congratulations! Welcome to the


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In Africa there is a sacred fowl called the Fu-Bird.

The elders always preach to the people that if you get Fu-Bird poop on your forehead you cannot wash it off, for it is sacred, and you will drop dead on the spot.

One day a young man was walking, and low and behold the mystical Fu-Bird pooped right smack dab on his forehead covering his hair and part of his face in bird poo.

He did not like it, but intended to abstain to


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Joining the church

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new
parishioners. You must abstain from sex for an entire month."


The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the
church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was
crying, and


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Not allowed in Church!

Three couples wanted to join a very strict church. The pastor advised them the 'initiation' to join was to abstain from sex for six months. "No hanky panky for six months and you will be welcomed as members." he said.

Six months went by and the three couples presented themselves for their review.

The first couple came in and the husband was shaking.


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You must abstain from sex for two weeks.

Three couples--an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple--wanted to join a Baptist church. The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor goes up to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able


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So there are three couples.

Three couples—one elderly, one middle-aged, one young and newly wed—apply for membership in a church. The pastor informs them that the requirement for new parishioners is that they abstain from sex for two weeks. The couples agree and go their separate ways.

After two weeks, they return. The pastor asks the elderly pair if they were able to abstain for two weeks. "No


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Professional boxers usually will abstain from sex the night before a big fight....

...you might find this hard to believe, but they don't really like each other." - Jimmy Carr

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Three Couples were Trying to get into a Church...

An elderly couple, a middle-aged couple, and a newly-wed couple were trying to get into a church.

The pastor said, "we only have one rule to get into this church...to test your devotion to God, you have to abstain from sex for one week."

So the week passed, and the couples all came back in. The pastor asked the elderly couple "were you able to abstain?&quo


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THE PAINT CAN

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for an entire month."

The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying, and the husband
obviously was very depressed.


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