Absolute

Jokes

A faggot starts walking into a bar..

...He approaches the bar for a drink when the bartender notices him.

‘Hey, get the fuck outta here!’

‘Why?’ The man replied in absolute shock. ‘Is it because I’m gay?!’

‘What?’ The bartender asked in confusion. ‘It’s because you’re a nigger!’


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A bloke just walked passed me shouting youre a trifle, an absolute gateaux... youre totally covered in sugar.

It was all rather unsavoury

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Two types

5 There are exactly two types of people in the world. Those that destroy and those that create. Both are absolutely necessary, and completely distinct. Destroying structures and constructs that have stood the tests of time takes absolute geniuses. Creating a new idea won't happen until the geniuses have done their job and moved on to the next targets.


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Mandatory Attendance

A drunkard walking on the street, is approached by the police at 3:00 AM.


The policeman asks: "Where are you going at this hour?"


The drunkard answers:
"I am going to attend a conference on alcohol abuse and the lethal effects on the body, the bad example it creates on children, the harmful consequences for the family, The problem it c


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There once was a king named Lee.

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Found the absolute best site to meet amp talk to Virgins!!!

& some of you are so obsessed with karma & editing your own posts! I love it here. My inbox is open

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My brother is an absolute idiot

He has 3 daughters and they are Yvone, Yvtwo and Yvthree...

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What do you call a dude who's retarded but an absolute unit?

An inch

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I was frozen to absolute zero once

Amazingly, it was 0K!

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I am the absolute worst at remembering English Idioms

Hands up

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I named my overweight cat Kelvin

Because he is an absolute unit.

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A scientist willingly froze himself to absolute zero. Everyone said he was mad, although he was all 0K

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What did the lazy chemist get on his test?

Absolute zero

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What do you call a centimetre?

An absolute unit.

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What do you call nuts on the wall? -Walnuts. What do you call nuts on your chest? - Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin?... ? ? .. nothing because youve got a mouth full of dick.

Lool my uncle told me this yesterday it is an absolute cracker ;)

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Why cant scientists reach absolute zero?

Because only a Sith deals with absolutes.

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Did you hear about the guy whos temperature was absolute zero?

No, is he 0k?

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Only 55 of people know that the sun is a star.

Absolute idiots, I guess few of them know that we orbit Jupiter, either.

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Two men become shipwrecked on a tropical Island.

The island natives capture the two men shortly after coming ashore and take them to their chief.

The chief says to the men, “You have two choices, death, or bungee!”

The first man wants to live so he chooses bungee. The chief screams “bungee” and each man in the village takes turns screwing the man in his bum. This lasts for hours, all while the


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It

It is absolute.

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Genie: And what is your absolute last wish?

Me: I wish I was you.
Genue: Weurd, but OK

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What do you call a Cm?

An absolute unit.

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Everybody : Starts watching a YouTube video...

Everybody : Starts watching a YouTube video

Nobody :

Absolute nobody :





RDJ : Decipline creats greatness.......

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What do you call a ridiculously strong man with no balls?

Absolute eunuch

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How do Sith Lords measure things?

In absolute units.

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Did you hear about the guy who got frozen to absolute zero?

He seems to be 0K.

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What is the absolute maximum number of reposted jokes that rJokes can handle?

One more.

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Chris's a absolute Savage

Teacher: tell me the difference between 'suprise' and 'flabbergasted'.

Dave: You're surprised when you father catches you masturbating while you're flabbergasted if he starts masturbating with you.

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How come a relationship with an Alabaman is never an absolute failure?

Because when it comes to relationships, Alabamans only speak in relative terms.

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Shit

Absolute shit

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I hate Latin

Whoever decided to call it penis and not peenut is an absolute dick.

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Perplex Numbers

I was talking to my physics professor the other day, and some theoretical work he did with tachyons came up. A tachyon travels faster than light, and in order to use some of the math from special relativity, one had to define what he called "perplex numbers"--numbers with negative absolute value. He said that since we can talk about complex numbers in terms of the imaginary unit i, we c


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What are the chances a scientist in Antarctica can walk to his neighbors place without a coat on?

Absolute Zero.

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Am I the only one who doesnt like hypotenuse and opposite together?

It’s absolute sin.

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Did you hear about the man who froze himself to absolute zero?

He is 0K now

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Did you hear about the woman who got cooled to absolute zero?

She's 0K now.

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Did you hear about the guy who reached absolute zero?

Don't worry, he's 0K!

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There was a scientist who was frozen to absolute zero.

Don’t worry, he was 0K.

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Why is absolute value never sad

It always stays positive

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Did you hear about the cylinder that got his ears pierced?

He wants to get a gauge, but that decision is not absolute.

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Have you met my friend Kelvin

He's an absolute unit.

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I like my sex like Logan Paul videos

A quick tease at the start, then 10-20 minutes of absolute disappointment.

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My friend who is a recovering drug addict is an absolute nightmare to put up with. He doesnt care about me or any of his family. I sometimes think about pushing him out of my life but...

He'd needle the help he can get

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I asked a scientist what would happen if my body temperature hit absolute zero.

He said I'd be 0K

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I have absolute confidence in Jeff's Bezos rocket company Blue Origin

Jeff has already achieved good separation.

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Me: Kelvin

Twitter: In awe of this lad. What an absolute unit.

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You ever appreciate feet?

They're absolute leg-ends.

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The drunk and the lecture

A drunk is approached by the police at 3 in the morning:

The cop asks:

-Where are you going in that state, at this time?

The drunk answers:

I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and its lethal effects on the organism, the bad example, the nefarious consequences to the family, as well as the problem it causes in the family economy, and the a


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Hitler was an absolute MadLad

He killed Hitler AND the guy who killed Hitler, what a hero amirite?

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I know absolute zero jokes.

0K

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