Abandon

Jokes

"Our strategy and governance model will remain the same after taking Chinese money," said Reddit's CEO

Our strategy and governance model is to abandon all our principles for money, and it hasn't changed.

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What do you call it when you abandon the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

A-pasta-sy

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So I says to myself, I says...

Abandon ship!

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My girlfriend just left me because I have bad breath

Now I also have abandon mint issues.

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I admit I have daddy issues.

But I'm sure they'll abandon me any day now.

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After 62 years of being devoted to Judaism, Abraham converts to Christianity

Distraught over this unexpected development, his life-long friend Moshe sends him a message.

Moshe: "Abraham, you schmuck! How could you abandon your faith?"

Abraham: "New Testament, who dis?"

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An elderly man went to a forest to abandon his dog.

After a while, it was the dog that went back his home first.

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Man is finally reunited with his parents 33 years after being abandoned at Gatwick airport.

To celebrate he plans to abandon those mother fuckers at a state funded care home.

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The Hunchback

Why did Quasimodo's mom abandon him at church?

​

He wouldn't stop playing with matches.

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Long Trump decided to start paying furloughed government workers...



He starts by putting a tax on everything. Want some new shoes? Tax. Want to open a bank account? Tax. Getting a haircut? Tax. Soon enough, everything you could ever do had a tax on it. Trump smiled as he saw the money come pouring in.

​

“Mr Trump?” asked one of his aides

​

“Is somethi


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In Mesopotamia when men decided to abandon their wives and children

Do you think they said they were just going out for for ziggurats?

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In ancient Egypt when Men decided to abandon their families...

They would say they were going out for ziggurats and never return.

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Apple made a new tablet computer catered towards children but had to abandon the product before it hit the market...

... market Research deemed that "iTouch Kids" didn't go well with the target audience.

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An elderly couple go to the doctor. The doctor says the wife either has Alzheimer's, or AIDS.

"Well, how do we find out which one?"
"Is there a market in your town?"
"Yes...in the middle of town. Is that relevant?"

"Very relevant! What I want you to do, is take her to the market, and abandon her there!"
"Abandon my wife? But she might have Alzheimer's! What do I do then?"
"Go home. Wait


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What do you call a midget who has been abandon by their parents?

A Dworphan.

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I was in the middle of a lake in a canoe with my girl friend last week when suddenly the boat sprung a leak. We had to decide whether to try and get the boat back to shore or abandon ship.

We had a real row v. wade debate that day.

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I love these 2 verses in the bible the most.

‘Love your wife just as Christ loved the church’
‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’
I pledged to God that I would truly follow it
So I happen to abandon my wife and impregnate the next door MILF.

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Knock Knock

-whose there?
-The FBI
-The FBI who?
-Abandon the plan. He’s onto us

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Why did Rihanna abandon the Catholic faith?

She found love in a Popeless place.

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My therapist said the only one that can abandon you as an adult is yourself.

I'm just wondering when I'll be back from getting some smokes.

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Bill Clinton dies and goes to heaven

He waits at the Pearly Gates, where he is greeted by St. Peter. St Peter says "I don't see your name on my list. What bad things did you do on earth?" Bill says "Well I smoked marijuana, but it doesn't count because I didn't inhale. And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury".



St Peter says, "Okay, here's the deal. I'm


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Did you hear about the microbiologist who tore his pants?

He had to abandon his experimments to focus on some jean splicing.

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What did the pirate say on the toilet?

Abandon shit

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Seems smooth

guy-damn girl is your body an orphanage ?

girl-well this out to be good

guy-because i want to abandon my children inside u

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Why did the crew abandon the chili pepper boat?

It was capsaicin. ^(Don't hurt me.)

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I treat my television in the same way that I treat my girlfriends.

I abandon them and subscribe to Netflix

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Why did the Catholic church decide to abandon science?

Light stopped having mass

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An old man dies. His dog lies down next to him and died also.

And so, they find themselves above the clouds near the Pearly gates and a sign "Herein lies Heaven. Absolutely no dogs allowed."

He doesn't enter and goes further. They walk down a road and see other gates, with no sign on them, and a bearded man sitting on a bench nearby.

"Excuse me,…" he says.

"Peter."


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So there's a blonde, Burnett, and a red head.

So there is a blonde, brunett, and a red head all girls they all escaped jail. As they are running they see this abandoned truck of potatoes so the Brunett says let's get in these sacks and miss the cops. They hop in them and the cops go driving by and the partner of the cop says let's check out that abandon truck right there as they are checking the bags they kick the one with the red h


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Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter

Pirate Captain is strutten through the club a patch on each eye a puffy shirt and a stuffed toy kitten hanging from his ear. One guy nudges his mate and says "check ouwt this faggort Dwayne".
Pirate Captain turns and shouts "OI!!! I MAY BE BLIND BUT I HAVE ACUTE EARING"

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The Stubborn Priest

A flood wipes out an entire town, making the only survivors having to take refuge on the roofs of a local church, one of which was the local priest.

Eventually, a rescue team comes by boat, and orders all the survivors to get on. All do so happily, except for the priest.

“God is my only saviour, and *He* will be the one to come save me!” He chants.


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100 sailors are on a naval vessel, with 1 nun...

They are in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The captain gets on the PA and announces "We've been hit, abandon ship...I repeat abandon ship!" They all get off boat and and take the emergency boats to the closest land. They go back and forth to the boat for survival items, as quickly as the could before it finished sinking.

When the chaos was all said and done, The


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